lots of pressure

Idontknow3 · ‎14-10-2021

Hi, I don't know if this where I should put this.
lately I haven't been feeling great, I'm currently trying to get in to a very hard degree where I need really good grades and I feel like I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself. I have this friend who is constantly in my space making me feel suffocated, like I'm constantly needing to compete especially when it comes to grades, a boyfriend who all he needs is space so its making me feel kinda not important (we're long distance due to covid), parents who are making me chose between my partner and them due to him not wanting to get vaccinated. I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed with my work load and keep having panic attacks at night when I got to bed. I feel very tired like the energy is being sucked out of me. I don't feel the urge to eat much and when I do I feel guilty, I've had an unhealthy relationship with food in the past and I got better but all this stress is triggering emotions and things I had already over come in the past. It feels like I've failed myself
I go to the gym as my way to relax but my friend from earlier always comes with me.
I feel incredible anxious, like I can't get my peace of mind

smallwolf · ‎14-10-2021

hello and welcome.

firstly, it looks like you have put your post in the right place. And I found it. From your post there is a lot on your mind - between study, relationship, family etc all competing with each other. Well that is how it looks to me. 😞

If you are at school or Uni you should be able to have a chat with the counselor and get advice from them about your situation.

Perhaps you could tell me about the need to compete and the feeling of suffocating... I guess, are you getting the grades needed for entry? Do you feel the need to be the best?

Or you could tell me about the degree you want to get into?

What is the job you wish to do?

I am curious to find out. Listening to you.

Idontknow3 · ‎15-10-2021

Hello, thank you

i’m currently first year at uni and I’m trying to become/ get into veterinary

At the moment I have one subject I’m just passing and the others I’m just reaching the marks I need. Last semester I did really well. But this semester with covid escalating I haven’t been able to focus. I really wanna get in for next year and I’m scared that I won’t

I’m not sure why I feel the need to compete with them. I think because for my friend they talk about how easy the tests are and they can pick things up really easily and it makes me feel dumb cause I don’t

i’ve always thought about reaching out for professional help I’ve just been to scared too

geoff · ‎15-10-2021

Hello Idon'tknow3, your desire to become a vet will be fulfillful but once you start to compare your results with other people, then an unknown pressure will develop but these are other people, not you, so when they talk about their own results, it has no bearing on how good you are, remember we all have different life skills but struggling could just be the reason why you feel this way.

Counselling is like talking to another person, someone who doesn't know you, because if you knew them, then what you are suffering from may not be addressed, be proactive if you can and write down what you believe is happening and causing this and being in lockdown, certainly doesn't help anybody, then you can hand over this document so they can read and straight away understand your concerns.

I have so much appreciation for vets and if I can please suggest your talk with a counsellor, it's no different than putting your hand up in class and asking or answering a question posed to the classroom.

Geoff.

Gabs_ · ‎15-10-2021

Hi Idontknow3,

You should like you are juggling a lot of balls and putting a lot of pressure on yourself (as well as dealing with external pressures).

Firstly, COIVD has affected us all in different ways, and I know that uni's have been understanding in relation to the effect COVID has had on learning and scores. I would definitely encourage you to speak with your course co-ordinator. They might even be able to assist in referring you to a tutor or another online platform that could assist. I'm at uni, and I had a hiccup last unit and the uni were so great at giving me extra time to complete something, as well as pointing me to some online resources which I've found really beneficial in my learning. And I can do it alone. Which might be what you need, as your friend sounds (and sorry to be blunt) absolutely suffocating. I think we've all had friends like that (especially with the whole "that test was so easy" - whether they actually think that or not) who can not realise the impact their words and actions have on you. Is it possible just to say "buddy, I just need a bit of my own space as I'm going through some stuff?". Your friend might even think they are being helpful, and maybe flagging with them that you need a bit of down time is what they need to take the pedal off.

I won't comment to much on the vaccination thing... but given you are doing a degree in the sciences, I think you might need to sit with the boyfriend thing. If he is making you feel like you're not important, he keeps wanting space and it's creating friction with your parents, maybe it's worth considering if this is a helpful relationship. When I was in my early 20's, I kind of dated a similar type - I was dealing with my eating disorder (he'd call me fat), he was critical of my folks, told me that I was only getting promotions because I was "pretty" and was needing space (which involved him going out to strip clubs etc). It really screwed with my self-esteem (which was already fragile) and flared my ED up as I thought nothing I ever did was good enough. And it simply wasn't true, but I couldn't see at the time.

If I could go back and do it all again, I would definitely do it differently, but it taught me a lot about what boundaries I need to set with people and what I'm willing behaviours and attitudes I'm willing to accept. Given you are mentioning your previous issues with food, I'm going to assume that it happens when it feels like life is feeling like it's out of control (cont'd)..

Gabs_ · ‎15-10-2021

...because that was the same for me. And it's hard to admit that when you're in that spiral (pressure of grades, feeling like you're not good enough etc), that sometimes restricting gives you the semblance of control. But it's not healthy control, it's a learnt safety behaviour that gives you that instant hit of "control", but it actually is covering up the root cause of why you are feeling out of control.

It's hard when you are younger and being lectured by your parents and trying to live up to al these expectations and get the grades and on and on... but the best ting is to stop, breathe and ask for help. Whether its talking to your course co-ordinator, seeing a psychologist, finding a tutor.... You posted on here and I am so proud of you for doing that. That's a great first step. Now it's about taking the next one.

I'm here if you want to talk more, but I would definitely recommend checking out the below resources that might assist:

Disordered Eating: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating

Perfectionism (a spiral of doing and doing and doing and never feeling good enough): https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

I've used both of these resources and they have made a significant difference in challenging my thinking and also giving myself a break.

Lots of love and virtual hugs,

G x

smallwolf · ‎16-10-2021

hello, back again.

Firstly congrats with getting in that course.I am also aware that covid has made study harder for a lot of people. 😞

I am guessing that since this is your 1st year you are doing a bunch of required subjects before you get to choose. With the subject you are just passing, what makes it different to other subjects? In the study I have done, I found there were some area I liked, others no so much. And then if I hated the subject then getting through was good enough. The next bit for me was that, and this does depend on little on what you are studying, was that marks mattered if you intended to do further study.

It may sound like a throw-away line ... "Ps make degrees" and another way to view this is that if we concentrate on grades so much we can lose focus on the content itself by putting more pressure on ourselves. You grades in the 1st term/semester show that you are smart and can do the work. Well, I think so.

And one the questions to ponder is how to deal with the worry and perhaps be able to focus? Do you have and use any apps on for your phone to help you in this area?