Lost and unhappy

[Redrose94]

In the past 2 weeks I have dealt with too much rejection that it has literally taken a toll on my emotional well being, ive never felt so alone.

im 21, currently in my last year at Uni. I'm unemployed and come from a family who is happy in many ways, but dysfunctional in many others.

in the past two weeks, I had a job interview that I knew I did well in, but was rejected because I couldn't fulfill the reference checks.

A day later, a guy I was seeing for a few weeks, told me he wasn't interested in pursuing me, because he 'didn't know what he wanted from me'. I accepted his opinion and was grateful that he acted maturely about it.

then just today, my friend whom I had an extremely close bond with, just decided to stop being friends with me, without even an explanation.

i feel so alone and lost, I feel like my friends don't understand me and I'm becoming more emotionally deattahed from people due to my fear of intimacy and trusting people. The thought of meeting new people scares me to death and I just don't think it's worth the time anymore.

im trying to be productive in my life, like maintaining my garden, desperately job hunting and trying to talk to a few close friends.

this rejection is just too much, and it's triggered off so many deeper feelings and making me overthink to a point that is starting to poison my mind and fill it with negative thought patterns, I can't seem to shake them off, and bottling my emotions does nothing at all

my heart is just broken, it's just broken.

Really appreciate any kind of advice.

Thank you xx

[Sashabratzlol]

Hi, I hope you're doing okay. I think the majority of us feel loneliness and rejection at some point in life, so there will always be others in the same boat who understand what you're going through, and can help, like here.

With your close friend, are they just cutting you off, or everybody else as well? They might have a problem or issue of their own, and just need some time off and away from people. It might not be possible to contact them now, but just remember, it's not a problem with you, it's a problem with them, and you didn't do anything of fault.

Over thinking the problem, and your feelings, isn't going to be of much help, and it's good that you're trying to direct energy into different things. It's hard but our thoughts shouldn't control us to that degree. Remember, what happened before does not give an indicator of what will happen in the future. It's likely that one day in the future, you'll end up with a partner, a job, and a close friend, when the time is right for you.

Right now, try breaking the negative thought patterns. You can control what you are able to do, and you just need to wait it out until you find people that understand you and appreciate you. 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi Red Rose,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling so unhappy and alone for the past few weeks. Rejection sucks - there is no getting around that initial feeling when it happens. However, with time and support from others, you will start to feel more like your usual self again. Keep in contact with the close friends you mentioned.

I'm a 23 year old female, and I'm also in my last year at uni. I still live at home and I don't currently have a paid job. When doing surveys, there is a category under Employment Status that reads Student, and that is separate to Unemployed 🙂 It sounds like you live out of home and have the responsibility of maintaining your garden and home. The job you missed out on is only one interview, and doesn't truly reflect your employability. The fact that the interview itself went well is fantastic!

I like how you said "I accepted his opinion and was grateful that he acted maturely" about the guy you were dating. It's fortunate he was honest and told you after a few weeks, rather than a few months later, when you would be more emotionally involved. Being hurt is still understandable.

I had a fear of physical intimacy until this time last year actually (when I was 22). It took a nice guy who really liked me to overcome this. He was confident and mature, and he didn't mind that kissing felt new to me. He lives interstate and didn't want a relationship, so that played on my mind for a few weeks after the days we spent together. He did me a favour though, as an interstate relationship would be really tough.

I didn't have many friends until January last year, when my best friend introduced me to the group of people she spent time with (she joined the group because her boyfriend was in it). She invited me to catch ups with the group and I became part of it. I started dating a guy in the group, who I've now been in a relationship with for 11 months. He is amazing and trustworthy, and I never thought I would meet someone like him. There are great people out there, and you still have plenty of time to meet them.

Overthinking is seriously uncomfortable, and I am certainly familiar with this. If you have a close friend or family member you can talk to about this, definitely do so. Otherwise, seeing a counsellor or psychologist for a while would be of benefit.

Keep talking on this forum if you'd like 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Redrose94]

SM,

thank you so much for telling me your side of the story - puts things into perspective, makes you feel less alone.

I've been unemployed for almost 3 years.. slowly going on to 4, it's really difficult, it's just that i've been rejected so many times by so many different jobs, and i've taken all steps to increase my employability. I guess its just a matter of time.

i do live at home with my mum and brother. it's just super difficult, because mum suffers from bipolar II and she isn't employed either. My family as i said before, they are overall happy people, but also very dysfunctional. Sometimes its hard just to be here and be surrounded by people who aren't very supportive. Everyone is supportive in their own way, and i've just got to accept that my mum isn't going to change her ways.

I just think im not ready to put myself out there in the dating scene as per yet, i need to overcome this feeling of brokenness and and hurt before i pursue anything in that regard. I just don't think im quite ready as i thought i was.

That's really nice that your best friend introduced you to new people, and im very happy that you have met somebody you can be happy with. For me however, all my close friends are all in long term relationships, and their ways of socialising and having fun aren't really compatible with mine. I've tried everything, i think i just need to find a way to engage with different kinds of people, who have similar interests to me.

thank you for replying, i really appreciate it. 🙂

[Redrose94]

Sashabratzlol, Thank you for your response!

im aware that lonineless and rejection is a part of life, but it was just too much, as i was rejected from 3 things that were important to me, I think it just kinda became a little too much. I am feeling a lot better, as they say "tomorow is a new day".

in regards to my friend, He was someone who i trusted more than anything, I confided in him and he confided in me, we got along like two peas in a pod. I guess that's what was really upsetting, that he just kinda left with no explanation, didn't want to talk to me about it either. My other friends are still there and im grateful for them honestly.

I am trying my very hardest to be in control of my emotions, because I do not want to end up with a severe mental illness. mental illness plagues my family, and i am really trying my hardest not to give into it.

i appreciate your response and your time, thank you greatly 🙂

[Zeal]

Hi Red Rose,

Thank you for your kind reply!

It must be hard for you to see your Mum suffering from Bipolar, especially as it's something she'll need to manage long-term. It's great that your family are generally supportive though, and that there isn't resentment. I'm getting the vibe (I am fairly accurate at picking up vibes, even online :P) that you are a forgiving person, which is seriously important in so many life situations.

Not wanting to pursue a relationship at the moment is completely fair enough, and I respect that you are not overloading yourself in this way. In my friendship group, there are a handful of people who have had only one relationship or none, and they are aged 23-24. In today's society, focusing on personal growth and employment is often a priority, so many people don't have serious long-term relationships until they are well into their twenties or beyond. The key thing (which you are very attuned to) is that you do things when you're ready 🙂

I can relate to not being into socialising/having fun like some others. I don't drink alcohol (I tried one drink at a party at 18 and didn't like it, so never bothered again)! Most of my friends drink alcohol. My boyfriend stopped drinking a year and a half ago after a bad experience, though he didn't have major issues with drinking anyway. It was a personal/health choice for him. When you get further into your twenties, often people calm down a bit when full-time work is a huge focus and when the novelty of partying decreases. This is of course a generalisation. My boyfriend actually said that our group as a whole drinks less than they used to in their late teens.

Thanks for being happy for me, that's really kind 😄 Meeting like-minded people is definitely a good idea!

Good luck with everything, and look after yourself!

Best wishes,

SM