Lack of motivation in life, inability to look after myself, clean, eat, wash belongings

[ElderberryHamster]

Hi All!

I am new here and had a search through the forum but could not find what I was looking for, so apologies if I am repeating a topic covered.

 I have been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression previously, and although I am feeling much better now than a few years ago and have a will to live and succeed, I find it difficult to look after myself. 

I live out of home and can keep a job (I'm in my mid twenties) but I just can't get myself organised. I was just wondering if other people found it hard to look after themselves. 

I always try and get all excited and start up a new regime of how I am going to eat well and be productive but it never seems to happen.

I regularly skip meals because I don't have the energy to cook, or the motivation. I go on shopping sprees and buy the food and then just end up throwing it out because it goes bad. I often just et snacks because I don't have to prepare anything. I also smoke heavily so that I stop feeling hungry, because that is easier than feeding myself.

 I can't see the floor of my room or any surfaces. I just don't seem to be able to clean up after myself and then I find my room causes me anxiety and makes me upset. I can only keep the other areas of my house clean because I don't want to annoy my housemate. I don't seem to be able to do it for myself. I avoid having people over because I find my room so embarrassing (the same thing happens in my car and handbag). My room fills up with rubbish and dirty dishes. 

I go on a cleaning spree sometimes, but the next day I am back to dumping things on the floor!

I just seem to procrastinate everything in my life. I can have a whole week off and just spend it sleeping in till the afternoon or watching TV all day. I don't go to the shops until they are almost shut just because it takes me that long to get out of the house. I can make it to work on time, but I cannot time manage for myself. Only when someone else makes me. 

I am always late to things (significantly) and this frustrates everyone (including myself!). I want to change, but all these things in my life just seem too hard. I can have washing build up for months! I just don't know why I have no motivation and can't seem to get any.

I'm not sure if this is linked to my history of anxiety and depression or if it is something else. I was wondering if anyone had similar symptoms and if they had found a way to overcome them. 

 Thank you for your help.

[Narniakid]

Hey ElderberryHamster, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

Loosing motivation to look after ourselves physically is a common symptom of mental illness, so you're definately not alone. What I suggest you do is to tackle the problem in small steps - if you try to do it all in one go, it can become overwhelming. With the cooking, have a look at some easy recipes like the '4 Ingredients' books, and instead of trying to cook every meal every day, try just cooking one meal a day for yourself. It is important that you're getting the right diet, particularly if you're not cooking, so I advise you look into some vitamin supplements too. 

Try using a rewards system; "if I get this and this done, then I will let myself do that". It is something that I often use when doing chores or other errands, I'll do a couple, and perhaps reward myself by watching some TV, and so on.

I hope I've been able to help you. The fact that you've recognised and acknowledged the problem means you're already on your way to recovery. Keep going!

Crystal 

[_NaturalTalent_]

Hey Elderberry,

Yes I have the exact same issue as you, however I live alone so I have a whole house on my hands..

I am the same when other people are involved, they give me motivation to do things but I have very little to none for myself. I have found some useful things but it is hard to keep up even that motivation, especially if you have extra stressors.

I found that the more often I pushed myself to do something the easier it was to push myself for more.

I started small, sitting in a slump watching tv, looking at the mess, and thinking, how hard is it to actually pick up a plate and mug and take it to the kitchen... So I just did it... Then sat back down.. The next night I looked around me and thought, how hard is it to actually grab those empty chip packets and put them in the bin just over there... So I got up and did it..

One day I strip cleaned my bedroom, I was angry had a bad day, but I used that fuel to do something I wouldn't normally do, about a month later it was still hardly touched so I re arranged it and settled back in.

My point is, the more you do things you wouldn't normally do, the easier it gets. You want to have people over, pick up your washing and put it together ready to wash, then when you next have a spike in motivation, sort them into washes, then next time wash them.

Start small, take it in steps, do things in steps, often its the view of the whole job that wards us off...

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi ElderberryHamster,

Thanks for reaching out.

Totally agree with what's been said and just want to add a couple more things.

1) Break it down. Instead of thinking "I can't look after myself" find one thing that you want to work on.  What bothers you most?  If it's food, then you/we can brainstorm things to make life a little bit easier around food.  Sometimes just the concept of 'everything' can steer people away from wanting it to get better because it's too overwhelming.

2) Habits. These are so powerful - one thing every day for a month.  There was a book that I read called '1 minute habits' by Raghib Ahmed, which in short says to pick something that's important to you and only do it for 1 minute a day.  Often people will find that 1 minute is incredibly easy to stick to because it's so quick, but it is incredibly powerful because of what habits do to the brain.

3) Vision.  This might be about rewarding yourself when you've finished, or about how you want this space to look/feel.  Why is this important to you?   I know in my old house I used to have the messiest room and now where I live now I manage to keep it tidy simply because I just have nicer things.

Hope this helps!

Take care,

[ElderberryHamster]

Hi Narniakid,

 Thank you very much for your response. I like the recipe book idea especially.

 I will try putting this into action.

Thank you! 🙂

[ElderberryHamster]

Hi NatrualTalent,

 Thank you very much for letting me know that I am not alone and how you manage this in your life. 

I will definitely keep what you have said in mind and try and put it into action.

Thank you for sharing with me, I really appreciate it.

[ElderberryHamster]

Hi Romantic_thi3f,

 Thank you! That was really helpfull. I really like that you have broken it down into steps and the part about the habits. That makes it easier to feel that I can get on top of things. I will definitely try these. 

🙂

[HyperDave]

Hi!

Wow, obviously I do not know you or your background but I feel that you should be made aware that many of the problems you describe, such as:  procrastination, difficulty with motivation for household tasks, disorganization and problems with time management, well these are symptoms that frequently occur with the disorder ADHD. ADHD is an often lifelong disorder where such symptoms are long term and severe enough to impair life quality..

For a person to be even considered to be diagnosed with ADHD the symptoms must be present since childhood, although you do NOT have to be hyperactive to have ADHD.

Other conditions, such as depression or anxiety can cause ADHD type symptoms, although depression and anxiety are very common in people with ADHD.

 Do you feel that persistence and willpower are two things you lack? Are you attracted to high reward and high stimulation activities, that give you back a lot of immediate reward? Do you have a low stress tolerance and perhaps have a hot temper? Are you constantly distracted from what you are doing? Do you frequently lose things, and forget to do things you should have done? (These are ADHD type questions)

 If the above makes actually makes good sense to you, then I'd suggest perhaps googling up some information about ADHD. There are some excellent videos on youtube if you search for "Russell Barkley ADHD". In the event that you think the symptoms may fit you , then the next step would be to talk to a doctor about.

 Of course, there are many possible explanations for your problems. Some people have a disorder called dysthmia for example, which is like a chronic long term, but mild to moderate form of depression.

Unfortunately in Australia there is a significant lack of awareness and acceptance of ADHD. What ever it is that is your actual problem, I really wish you the best and hope you find a good solution! Take care.

[Sanctuary]

Hi everyone and Elderberryhampster 

I hope you are all well.

Elderberryhampster I feel as though I can kind of relate. At 25 I'm really learning a lot about myself and joining the dots back to when I was a kid. I was a 'lazy' kid, not much really interested me and as an adult I still carry this however, now that I look back i had a lot of interests but none of which interested anyone else so I was alone (not even my sister would want to do what I wanted.. For a change. I was the wallflower, she knew how to get any kind of attention) and this created the 'constantly disappointed' cycle (I had sore eyes one day and thought I was tired and depressed.. Nope I caught myself actively rolling my eyes anytime someone opened their mouth and i was bored/disappointed of what was coming out) Now as an adult I have a lot of interests... That none of my 'friends' are available for (repeat cycle) This use to get me down and drained my motivation and self respect because it was tough! all I saw 'what's the point?' 'No one likes me' And other inward, downtrodden thoughts and self mutilation (pimples)

In relation to being able to look after myself... I actually think on reflection I do a bang up job maybe not compared to some other people who maybe have OCD but I'm healthy and alive (sorry I have to say I can see my floors) and that's all that matters but I also live with someone else. I will admit some days I feel depressed that all I'm doing is cleaning and I lose motivation for life again because the other person doesn't HELP! Leaving cups and rubbish etc.

Elberberryhampster please don't feel alone. Maybe like me and others you're bored or disappointed (only guessing I could be very wrong, sorry) but if so, what could you do to change it and get a zest for life back! I hope I could help even a little by relating (and maybe I have ADHD too but I don't want to know) 🙂 be well x

[Guest_1055]

Hello Sanctuary

It appears you are new here, so here is a welcome hello to you.

I just want to thank you actually, for bringing this thread to my attention, as I have never seen it before. You see I can relate extremely well to the elderberryhampster. For so long, I have thought I was the only one who struggled being organised, keeping things clean. For me it is an extremely overwhelming task. And when you are feeling depressed is even more of a struggle. The disorganization and  the state of my place, I think is now a trigger, it causes me to go down. I love a nice organised and clean home, it helps me feel less scattered in my head and more calm as a person in general. But it doesn't come naturally to me to carry out the task of it.

Anyway  I hope you are OK, Sanctuary?

Shell xx