Is it bad to accept a leg up from your parents??

[ElieAC]

I’ve always been a relatively independent person and at 19 am looking to move out of home but am not eligible for government help and rent isn’t financially accessible.

My father has offered to guarantor my lease and I was offered the property but I feel really awful about accepting the help. Likewise, his company offered me part time work which would fit around my studies and I’m struggling to find work at the moment; I don’t know whether to take it.

Is it normal to have your parents help you find your feet if they’re able?

[Guest_1643]

Hi elieac,

I think this happens, my brother did that with his first lease...

If u keep Ur eye on Ur goals ie financial independence I think it's fine

I once lived wirh a man who's parents bought him his apartment, and he lived in that.

This happens too

If u feel guilty though, I guess that something to work turouhh, if u have someone you look up to or trust or a friend...,maybe they can advise u weather to accept.

I would warn that sometime family's use money or objects to keep control over their kids, this may not be true od your case, but if it is it adds another layer of concern.

[On The Road]

Hi ElieAC

Everyone has different opinions on this. In my opinion, I think it is not bad to accept a leg up, it's good that families can support each other when it comes to financing (respectfully but not coercively). I heard that back in the days, the older generation was easier to buy a house post-war and in socialist states, they were even offered housing from the government (Which don't mean they didn't have money problem or their lives were better then).

from your description, I am jealous of you cus you are the lucky ones 😂 You are still very young but you seem to be more independent than your peers. But I can see you have some doubts here, can I ask why you are not sure? feel free to share more 🙂

[smallwolf]

hi.

My kids are slightly older than you and would not be unfair to say that we support them still. I won't go into the details but I think it is OK. I do also understand what Sleepy21 is saying as well about control. When I was Uni (living away from home) I was supported by my parents. I guess it is a way of making sure when they (kids) move out, they have the funds and maturity to do well. Nothing is guaranteed of course.

Interested in hearing your thoughts.

[On The Road]

ElieAC, I just saw your other post about your goal to be financially independent. It is inspiring, when I was 19 I completely relied on my family and I absolutely had no idea what it would be like to be financially independent.

As I said above, it is ok to accept some financial support from your parent (unless they use this as a way to control their kids I know some ppl do) It is difficult for many young people to afford a house these days. So in my opinion, a leg up from family comes as a boost to your goal of being financially independent. 🙂

[Guest_1643]

I have so many thoughts on this.

My parents are abusive so thinking about accepting things has been fraught.

I had a thought,

If they give you money because they think you are I adequate, and can't survive on your own, this is abuse.

If they have faith in you, and know you'll get there, and just want to soften your landing, that's OK,

If they question your ability to live independently, and want to perpetuate dependence, I'd be concerned.

My father gave me his father's old car when I was 19.

I has a small accident at uni, nothing much, my first time driving a small dent on a pole.

He told me I'd never ever be able to get my own car, and was so lucky he had helped me use his father's, because I was such a risky driver no one would ever insure me.

Ever.

I've been driving my own car happily for ten years and no issues thank God.

So it was not good for me to accept his help

But accepting generous offers from people who want you to succeed is a beautiful part of life. None of us get anywhere on our own, we always need others help along the way, as lomg as it is not in the form of control or abuse.

[ElieAC]

I have always had a very clear picture of what my goals were in life but the nuances of how to have my goals emerge as realities is far more difficult.

I have somewhat of a weighted diagram that highlights what needs to happen in order for my goals to proceed and if I accept the help I can start thinking about an investment strategy in order to further become financially independent.

That being said, being stubborn and still caught in the arrogance of youth; I don’t like accepting help. The advice here has helped me feel better about it though.

I think I will just have to make sure that my parents know I’m grateful for the help.

[ElieAC]

Thanks so much for sharing this! I found it really helped me clarify what the intent behind the leg up I have been offered was.

I don’t think my Dad has any ill intent which is nice. I’m going to do my best to wean off financial support ASAP to avoid the potential of it evolving into something that could be resented.

Thanks for the advice, it really did help with clarity.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi ElieAC,

I think that the actual fact of you asking these questions speaks highly of your maturity and independence, appreciating the opportunity and being grateful for it.

If there are no hidden agendas, it's wonderful if parents can assist their kids financially and help them out at the early stages of their adult lives. Nothing wrong with that. Being a "newbie" can prove difficult enough. If you have an opportunity to make your start easier - take it, use it to your advantage, thank them for it, and I am sure life will present some opportunities to you to repay it to your parents. And I am not only talking about the financial side. They might be some more meaningful ways of repayment.

Good luck!

[ElieAC]

Thankyou!

One day down the track I definitely intend to both pay the leg up I have been given forward and find a way to give back to my Dad.

Thanks for the insight.