Is it bad to accept a leg up from your parents??

[ElieAC]

I’ve always been a relatively independent person and at 19 am looking to move out of home but am not eligible for government help and rent isn’t financially accessible.

My father has offered to guarantor my lease and I was offered the property but I feel really awful about accepting the help. Likewise, his company offered me part time work which would fit around my studies and I’m struggling to find work at the moment; I don’t know whether to take it.

Is it normal to have your parents help you find your feet if they’re able?

[white knight]

Hi Sleepy

Re: "If they give you money because they think you are I adequate, and can't survive on your own, this is abuse." I think you meant "inadequate"

I dont think it's abuse. If her parents are of the view they think she is deficient in some way (like poor money manager, issues seeking employment and so on) then its their choice. If I was in that situation as a parent I might, if I helped them with money, set down some easy to achieve conditions, but I wouldnt put it in the "abuse" basket. It's ok if you feel that way though, I'm merely highlighting, it isnt that clear cut imo. This is confirmed by others here agreeing it is acceptable practice.

ElieAC I agree with others that it is commendable you are here asking these questions and think of all those readers that learn from this

TonyWK

[Elizabeth CP]

I think there is a vast difference to a handout and a helping hand or leg up. Many years ago our family lost our house in a disaster. A stranger offered us somewhere to live until my parents could get another house months later. That experience left me with gratitude to those who helped us and a desire to help others. Many years later friends of ours became homeless. We gave them a temporary home and lent money so they could buy a caravan to live in while they built their own house. We helped them throughout the process but in return they have supported us when we have had difficulties. They repayed every cent. I think our families and communities become richer when people are willing to help others but also when people are willing to accept that support to better themselves leaving them in a position to help others in the future. This is vastly different to those who just accept handouts and make no attempt to improve themselves

[Guest_1643]

I don't think parents should view their kid as deficient and needing fixing...

If it is u unproven, like if a person hasn't attempted living out of home, and mum says, ulk never be able to live out of home, Ur too needy or pathetic....I think its abuse.

Sometimes objects or money can be used by abusive parents as leverage.

It is a sad situation but it was my experience

I say sometimes but encourage people to accept help from loving parents.

[Earth Girl]

That is absolutely fine! A lot of people get support from their parents to pay for a home of their own to live in and then, further down the track, when they have the money, they may also pay their parents back. My parents helped my older sister and her husband buy their first home and they are paying them back in small amounts every few years. Also, if you will be paying your parents back, don't be afraid to take your time. Houses these days are very expensive and jobs are also hard to get.

Even just living on your own is a huge step because it requires a lot of independence so you should be proud of that!