I want to move out of home but I'm under 18 and my parents control every moment of my life

Taz_a18 · ‎29-08-2019

i live at home with my dad, step ,mum, and three sisters, and i feel like i am living my parents life through me. everything i do is monitored by my parents, everything i say is monitored. i am not aloud to choose what i wear because i dress like i am "homeless." My parents read my texts with my boyfriend and misinterpret them into thinking I've had sex, they track me through my phone to see where i am and think i see him when i am just walking home or at work, they don't believe me when i tell them otherwise. i haven't had sex yet they don't believe me, but when i am ready for it, i want that to be my choice and no one else. My parents see me as the smart child, and i'm the only one they are expecting to go to uni. my mental health has stopped me from doing as good in school as i used to, yet even though i am still passing all my exams, its not 100% so it isn't good enough. I am not aloud to do anything but study, i am not aloud to go out and see my friends and boyfriend, i literally feel like a caged bird, and i feel like they want me to be someone i am not, and the only person i can be myself around is my boyfriend and certain friends, yet i am not even aloud to see them. the most i see them is whilst i am working and they come through my register. i have to deal with constant criticism and even though i want to be a vet, i am willing to put that off and give up my dream from when i was little, just to get out of home. i am no where near getting the ATAR i need, and i am happy to go to TAFE and just do veterinary nursing then study veterinary science once i have a job in veterinary nursing, but that int good enough for my parents. they set unrealistic expectations, and get mad and disappointed if i don't meet these expectations.

i want to move out ASAP, yet even the idea of me moving out would send my parents into a fit. i was helping a friend find a place and they went through my search history and saw that i had looked at granny flats, and they lost it at me. if i just left and didn't come home, i would lose my phone, my laptop, my schooling, my clothes and all my belongings and not have a place to go. if i moved in with my boyfriend then they would know where to find me. i feel trapped and i don't know what to do or what places can help me with moving out. i wouldn't have anything if i just walked out,but it is getting more and more tempting.

paddyanne · ‎29-08-2019

Hi Taz-a18. You don't mention your age, but it sounds as though you're nearly at the end of your schooling age. Your parents obviously still see you as a child, it's hard for parents to admit their children are grown up. Do you have a close relation in the family who could talk to your parents on your behalf and help them see you're responsible enough to leave home? They're obviously concerned about your welfare and this is why they're worried about you leaving. Have you asked your parents what they want from you career-wise? If you have a councilor at school, perhaps have a chat with him/her about your concerns and see if he/she could perhaps discuss with your parents about your plans for your future. Parents, as I said, often don't see their children as responsible adults and worry that they are not planning ahead.. Headspace and Kids Help line is also another avenue you could contact.

Taz_a18 · ‎29-08-2019

i am 17, and my paretns dont know i want to move out. they want me to be a vet too, but the atar is 99 and they want me to uni out of state. i used to want that too but i dont want to anymore, as before i had nothing holding me back here, now i do. i feel so trapped, i just want to get out

Farfaraway · ‎29-08-2019

Make a time to have a conversation with them.

Sit them down and tell them every thing you have written in the post above. Tell them you need to have an adult conversation with them.

If it all goes south and they won't listen just hand them a printed version of what you wrote above. When they read it, they will suddenly want to talk.

Good luck, all families are hard work, you may here some things you don't want to hear either. Open your mind, They care for you, you will over come this.

Taz_a18 · ‎29-08-2019

thats the thing, i have tried this, i have said all that, and more, except about wanting to move out, and they shut me down sying its my depression talking. anyone i tell doesnt belive me because my family act like angels around anyone else. my three sisters are not treated like this

Farfaraway · ‎30-08-2019

Print it out then, leave it addressed to your mum and dad, or email it to both of them. Tell them your at your wits end and need to discuss this as adults with them when you get home tonight. Give them time to absorb abd discuss it, tell them you love them and you need them and you respect them. Then have the discussions, find the middle ground, you will have to give some things up, and so will they, life is a negotiation.

White_Rose · ‎01-09-2019

Dear Taz

Hello and welcome to the forum. So pleased you have written in here.

I can appreciate how frustrating it is to be so closely monitored with no thought for your wants and needs. It's true that sometimes parents forget their children grow up and are quite capable of managing their life with only some help from mom and dad. It is hard when your siblings are treated differently to you and not put under pressure to perform. Are you all children of this marriage or do you have half siblings or step siblings?

You mentioned your mental health. Do you see a psychologist or other mental health professional about this? If so perhaps you could talk to this person about your feelings. If you do not see a MH professional perhaps you can ask your parents to see someone. Psychologists etc are not allowed to discuss your health with anyone other than their patient unless the person is very ill and needs other help.

Given your lack of financial resources I feel it would not be wise to leave home unless the situation becomes critical. Staying with your BF, who I presume lives away from his parents, will suggest you are having a sexual relationship and that may cause additional problems no matter what is really happening. You also need a secure environment to finish your study. I understand you feel this is not the case at the moment, that you are being coerced and ordered what to do. My concern is that looking after yourself, going to work which I presume is a part time job, having enough money to eat properly etc will have a detrimental affect on your studies.

You want to follow your dreams and I can see this is important to you. Most people are considering their work or uni options at this stage. Please download some information sheets from BB and get the booklet for your parents then have another chat with them. You can print your post to give to them or write a letter saying how you feel and that you want to have a conversation.

Please let us know how you are going.

Mary