No body likes me and when someone does something stops me

[LiamWL98]

Let’s start from the beginning I moved to a new home in a place I’m not use to and I made friends and this was in year 6 , I’m now in high school, year 7 and also I was in a grade 5/6 classroom and most of my friends are in grade 6 right now and now that I have came into high school with only 2 friends and one of them isn’t really in our friend group now. So now I’m in a class with only 1 friend and I only hanged out with that one friend and I never really tried to make new ones because all the people in the class seem to thing strongly think that they’re cool and have a bunch of power over someone else and only 3 people in that group even somewhat like me as a friend but not enough to hang out with me. I want to hangout with them but at the same time I don’t wanna ditch my other friends because he doesn’t like them and only 2 people like my other friend and the other friend who really isn’t in our friend group got into a scrap with them. I’m at the point where I can’t make friends cause I’m not genuinely funny or someone is stopping me and then my emotions and sympathy stops me.

more about me: I consider myself very friendly other then when I first meet someone sometimes I randomly be rude because it was my first time meeting them and to be honest those are never my true feelings so I can be a doosh and I have tried to stop doing that and I am seeing progress. I am not to bad of a judge of character (sometimes) and I’m very good with body language and listening to people and their problems. I can get along with people unless they’re up them selfs or think they’re more cool then someone else.

please give some advice

[Croix]

Dear Liam Lemon~

Welcome here to the Forum. I've had a careful read of your post, and am not sure I understand everything however I do understand that there is difficulties getting on with some of those in your class.

Having only been there a year or so makes it harder. No long term established relationships, plus when groups already exist one can be seen as an outsider and have problems being accepted and joining in.

I went to a lot of different schools as my parents moved around a fair bit and your words do bring back similar memories for me. I found groups were not my thing, I'd end up having one or two real friends I enjoyed being with and relied upon, and that was basically it. Then of course I'd move on and have to start again.

In your situation the ones who are your real friends are worth a fair bit of effort to keep and give support. If this means ignoring a group or individuals as a result, well, not end of world. Friendship is a two way thing, they need to support you too of course.

I wonder why you are rude when you first meet someone. You say yourself it is not your true feelings. I guess it is something that may give others a bad impression of you and not go on to become friends. Why do you think you do that?

If you start out rude then it is very hard to turn around and be nice. if you start out nice on the other hand you can always turn nasty if it is deserved.

That last thing you said "I can get along with people unless they’re up them selfs or think they’re more cool then someone else" I'd have to say I'm the same.

Croix

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[Marie_W]

Hi Liam Lemon,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and congratulations on making your first post! Moving houses and starting at a new school can be a really tricky time, so I think it's great that you have posted here on the forums to get some support.

It sounds like things are very complicated in your social life at the moment and that you maybe feel torn between hanging out with the friends you made in grade 6 and some of the people in your new grade 7 class. I can tell that you are very loyal to the one friend in your class, and obviously care a lot about them and don't want to ditch them.

One thing I noticed from your post is that you said you can't make friends because you feel you're not funny and as though nobody likes you. But it also sounds like you were actually able to make friends last year and that you have been getting along with a few people from your new class this year. I think it's normal to worry about not being accepted when we are in new social situations. So I wonder if maybe you are being a little tough on yourself, because it seems like you are a friendly person and have good listening skills. What do you think?

I know you were hoping for some advice around this topic. I wonder how you would feel about maybe speaking with someone like a school counsellor to get some advice? They might be able to give you some tips around making friends or maybe how to deal with some of the negative emotions you are having about this situation. You can always post on these forums for support as well.

Looking forward to hearing from you if you would like to reply.

- Marie (:

[Jns17]

Hi Liam. Be happy with who you are and even happier that you have the selfawareness to improve your own behaviour around others. Your a bright teenager and you will build on your social skills that will help you through to early adulthood. Just remember to be true to yourself and not worry too much about other kids in class that have their own groups and good/bad personality trates as they have their own insecurities too. keep on being you and surround yourself with people who want the best for you in life. All the best👍

[LiamWL98]

I randomly get bad impressions about some people but I’m not rude as in I get angry and start talking smack, I just don’t talk and don’t want to because I go with my gut. I normally make friends my using my study skills meaning I study someone’s personality irl (not like a stalking kind of thing) before I try to become friends with them. I would NEVER judge someone on their looks EVER that would rude as! Thank you for replying and also sorry for responding so slow

[LiamWL98]

Thank you for your kind reply! I really do enjoy reading these kind words! Hope you have a good one! Contacting a school counselor to me only will push things further as I didn’t say this but I don’t like making other people’s problems their problems and I won’t trust someone unless I 50% know they won’t judge me off of one thing I say and then instantly think I’m stupid or have no idea what I’m doing, funny thing about that is that is what a teenager is like always thinking what other people think about you.

[LiamWL98]

Your the kind of person that makes people smile! what kind words! Thank you a lot!