I need help to grieve

[Katiecakes96]

Last November my baby brother passed away suddenly. He had been sick and sent home from the emergency room. Mum and dad were told he was a little blocked up and they gave him a nasal spray. A few short hours later he died at home in front of his twin sister. Mum and dad tried to revive him and the ambos and everyone did their best but weren't able to save him. This brought a whole new level of sadness and depression upon myself and my family. No one should ever go through this. Now I struggle everyday and my boyfriend has been great but I keep pushing him away and I just don't know how to let him in. He just sits on his computer game every day after work until he goes to sleep. I'm feeling more lonely everyday and I don't know how to cope. Sleeping is so difficult and going to work is difficult I just don't know how to life anymore. I feel trapped, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I feel incredibly sad all the time. I'm afraid of losing everyone again. I don't know how to talk about how I feel and I just wish I could let my boyfriend into my head and how I'm feeling without pushing him away. I feel as though he's going to leave me because of how I am.

[BballJ]

Hi Katiecakes96,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am so very sorry to read about your baby brothers passing, I cannot begin to imagine the pain that caused you and your family. I can understand why you feel the way you feel.

Grieving and talking is very tough and they generally don't always come together at the same time. When grieving, you try to fight things alone in your head and try to work out ways to deal with things, that how I think of grieving but then the other side is talking about how you are feeling and letting it all out because keeping it inside just hurts more. There is no right way to go about this because you will grieve in your own way but one things I can only suggest and that is doing what you did here, start talking about it and letting your feelings out, may I ask, how did it feel after you wrote this and posted it? Did you feel a sense of relief at all?

I know you are afraid of your boyfriend leaving you but I am sure he understand you are going through so much as well. Maybe try talking to him by writing how you are feeling on a piece of paper and giving it to him? Something simply, maybe even a sentence, just to start a communication. This could work also if you want to may think about speaking to a psychologist which may also help you.

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hi Katie, a very warm welcome to you and my deepest condolences for the loss of your brother, it's something that nobody would ever want to happen, I am so sorry.

Your b/friend is trying to understand what you are thinking, this maybe new for him as he may not have had to experience this before, but I'm sure he wants to listen to you rather than being pushed away.

It maybe difficult to know where to even start, he already knows the pain you are going through, how upset you are and that you're grieving, let him in by telling how you are going to miss your little brother, I'm sorry but there will be tears, plenty of times when you cry for the grieving you are suffering from.

Visit your doctor, they will help you to be able to let those important people in your life in, to know exactly how you are feeling.

My sincere thoughts are with you. Geoff.