I'm worried about my girlfriend

[mp_]

My girlfriend and I are in our early twenties and are 3 months in to studying abroad together for a total of 8 months (we'll be home in February).

She suffers from what I am fairly sure is an anxiety disorder according to the research I have done on this site. She over-thinks things, she makes decisions based on what she thinks other people will think of her (often assuming that people think the worst of her), is often worried about one thing or another, and certain worries will trigger other worries in a cycle that is difficult to break once it starts. She often sleeps during the day, and is unable to exercise regularly due to back problems caused by muscle tension (which I suspect is related). She is incredibly hard on herself, and cannot see that in many of the areas where she is concerned that she is lacking (such as interacting with our new housemates), she is actually overcompensating. 

She saw a counsellor back home who taught her exercises to help with the worrying, but I think that the dramatic change in our living situation (foreign country, language etc) has been tough on her. She doesn't like the labels "anxiety" and "depression" and is worried about people labelling her as crazy. She will often ask me to just tell her that she's fine and normal. I'm the only one she shares her worries with, as she is concerned about other people judging her. 

I really love her and care about her, and I'm really worried about her. Whenever I tell her that I'm concerned it seems to only add to her own worry. Sometimes I feel responsible, and I often feel that I've made it worse through trying to make it better.   

I guess I'm asking for advice on what to do. I'm worried about how she's going to take another 6 months of this. It's tough because I feel as though we're so isolated. Does anybody have any experience with finding english-speaking mental health professionals in non-english-speaking countries in Europe? I can do all of the patient, non-judgmental listening in the world, but don't think I'm in any sort of position to actually make things much better. I'd give anything for her to feel better, and to believe in herself the way that I believe in her. 

Thanks in advance for any help or advice!

M

[Chris_B]

Hi mp_,

Not sure exactly what country you're in but there is a directory here which may help - some countries have more listings than others: http://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/directory/

I'd be wary of pushing her into going to a counsellor if she's not ready yet. Have a look at this page on our website, it has a carer's guide with helpful tips on how to encourage help-seeking without being too pushy, and it also has tips on how to avoid burnout yourself: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/resources/family-and-friends/looking-after-yourself

Try not to blame yourself for the situation.  Travel and new situations can be a major trigger for depression and anxiety, it has happened to me before - fortunately I was only on a holiday and not a long-term study trip.  

Don't underrate listening, sometimes we don't want someone to "fix" the problem, we just want someone there. Imagine if you weren't there at all. 

Having said that, perhaps you could suggest her seeking help for the back problem and sleeping difficulties - they are physical health issues, and going to see a doctor about those could be a stepping stone toward getting help for dealing with the anxiety.

I don't know what she's told you about those techniques she learnt that helped her previously, but if you know what's worked for her in the past, you may be able to be a 'coach' for her during panicked times.  Coping techniques need to be repeated to remember, and if we get hit with sudden and new stresses we forget them.

Hope this helps.  

best
CB

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Online Community Manager

[Pixie15]

Hi mp_,

There is an online therapy site called Mindspot.

http://www.mindspot.org.au/?gclid=CL_51NfAzLkCFasopgodCXMA6g

 A government funded university initiative which might be worth your while to have a look at. I have not tried it myself just found it in my search. Best wishes, Chris.

[Poppy]

Hey MP.  Firstly its lovely you are worried about her. I think the thing to remember is that often when you have anxiety you feel very alone and its scary. I would try and emphasis how much you love her and maybe write a list of all the reasons why you love her and you cou;d plan a list of things you want to do while you are away together ,sort of like a bucket list. Goodluck and Im sure it will all turn out okay in the end! 🙂 Poppy.