I’m terrified of going on school camp

[Forrest_123]

Even though my school camp is months away I am so worried about it and keep bursting into tears and not being able to breath properly however it is compulsory and 10 days long in tents. I think I am scared mostly because people always vomit on camp and I HATE vomit. (Last camp someone vomited and I was up until 2am crying in the nurses room and then I said I felt sick even though I didn’t end up being sick) I am also scared of being away from my family and not being able to get out of it if something bad happens and keep having dreams of me running away into the Forrest to escape.

On camp I am scared of getting food poising so I generally don’t eat much at meal times and stick with the packaged things at recess and afternoon tea. I don’t know what to do to feel better when I go on camp and not get so worried. I think I might have a phobia of vomit but I really don’t want to go see anyone about it or talk to anyone in person.

Someone please tell me what I can do, should I talk to my year coordinator about my fear of going on camp or do you think I do need to see a phycoligist or is there another way around it

note: (we aren’t allowed phones or food on camp)

[Aaronsis]

Hey Forrest_123

I am wondering if we can start with what you mentioned about therapy, and if your parents found out they had another daughter who felt she needed support they would feel bad. Firstly can I say, and this is just me speaking from my parenting view point and yes, I would feel bad, but that would soon be replaced with "what can I do to help", so I am wondering what is so bad about them knowing? How have they responded to your sister in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable? Also can I ask you what is it about therapy that you are not comfortable with? Only if you feel like sharing this.

I also wanted to mention something that my daughter is currently experiencing at this time with COvid, not being at school and not seeing her friends everyday, is this fear that they don't like her anymore. I can see this somewhat in my son too who is in year 10 but he is being a little more guarded about it. I think in these strange times when we are all isolating and apart, when school in online and you are not seeing each other at lunch and in class it is easy to let the mind overthink...to worry and to make up scenarios that don't exist. I am wondering if your friends are feeling a little vulnerable and worried too about friendships and if the relationships are still ok. Alot of people are really struggling at the moment with the lack of social interaction and even just being able to see other people, it is so hard. I am lucky, I get to go to work some days and I go to the supermarket and get petrol and do some things that involve other people, but my kids are just at home...never leaving apart for the small amount of exercise they do..if any...and are really not getting that feedback from their friends that they are all good and things are fine. I am wondering if some of this is true for you too?

I hear you in that you said your heart is aching and you are crying alot, this is alot on top of feeling pressure to do school work and more school work and then having your phone limited. I am wondering if you did want to get on the Beyond Blue forum or even Kids Helpline you could say you are researching it for school, which is not entirely untrue, and you could access these supports and I think you could really use them now. I am so proud that you do persist and that even though it is hard for you to access this space you continue to do so, I hope that it is helping and that you feel supported here Forrest_123.

Chat some more really soon

Hugs

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Thanks for responding.

My sister pretty much got taken to hospital, all the dangerous objects in the house were locked up in a box, she went to a lot of therapy sessions and then my parents limited her activities a lot once they knew what was happening it was always “you can’t got out with your friends because of blah blah blah”
I don’t want to do therapy because I find it terrifying to tell a person my feelings, I had to speak to the school councillor once because of my “test anxiety” or something and I didn’t say anything the entire time I was too nervous. I’m also scared that if I do talk to them I will tell them everything and end up getting sent to hospital like my sister. I know that probably means that I should talk to someone even more so but I’m just too scared.

[uncut_gems]

Hi Forrest_123,

Just checking back in on this thread to say hello and that I'm still thinking of you, and also how glad I am that you've found Sarah for support. I totally understand your concern about therapy, both about what might happen if you can't bring yourself to say anything and if you can't stop sharing what's on your mind.

I do not know very much about the laws of psychiatric hospitalization in this country, but as long as you are not actively planning to hurt or kill yourself or someone else, most therapists won't bat an eye when they hear what you have to say. Their only job is to help you get better, and I fully believe it is possible to discuss these dark thoughts (sometimes called "ideation") in a way that does not put you at risk of getting sent to the hospital. It sounds like your heart is very heavy and that on some level you know talking to a therapist is the right next step, even though it is scary and of course hard to be the second sibling to go through something like this.

We'll be here with you every step of the way, whatever you decide. I know this is a frightening place to be, right at the beginning of your mental health journey, but I can almost promise you that things will tend to get clearer and easier as you start to work through this stuff.

Warmly,

Gems

[Aaronsis]

Hey Forrest_123

I want to remind you of the strong person you are.

Remember when you were terrified, absolutely terrified to talk to you parents and to the school about the bus and camp and how you were feeling? That young lady wrote a post called "Terrified to go on school camp". That same person fell back on her bravery and she spoke and sort help and now..from her own words.."today I had a meeting with my year coordinator and head of learning and it was scary but we have sorted out some stuff to do with camp and other school stuff." Can you feel the bravery, the relief and the pride in that statement? You are braver than you think and the more you trust in these support people, like your school counsellor, maybe a doctor and maybe a professional therapist, the more you feel comfort, the easier it is for you. You have made the very first step..the hardest of them all and you did it. Now let's take another one and reach out for some support here.

I think your parents are doing the best that they too know how to do, with your sister, they have taken things away to keep her safe, they want her at home as they feel that this protects her. Sure not every thing that they are doing may sit right or be the right action or the right words, but they are there and they are trying. Also, you are observing what and how they are responding to with your sister, that is her journey and it might be working for her, your journey is different and as you are learning things you can communicate with them what helps and what does not. As you know this is not easy but there are many ways to let them know what you need. Also if you do reach out to a professional they can help you with the relationship with your parents and maybe give them some support too.

Therapists and GP's are people who are on our team, on our side, they are there to help and provide support. I hope that you can reach out and ask for an appointment and let the people around you help you through this time Forrest_123.

There is no reason for you to be sent to hospital, an appointment at the GP would be a wonderful start and you can even show them what you have posted here, you have communicated beautifully and really expressed what is bothering you..what do you think?

I hope to chat some more to you soon.

Hugs as always

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Thank you,

I am preparing for camp today and heading off tomorrow, I’ll let you know how it went in 10 days time and then I will get started on some other stuff we have discussed.

Everyone that has responded on this thread, thank you so much, you have all been such a great help.

I will chat more soon 😊

[Aaronsis]

HAVE THE MOST AMAZING TIME....

I will be thinking of you and cannot wait to hear how it all went.

Trust in you, you have got this and you are so very strong, enjoy and make some amazing memories.

Have fun and chat soon.

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Hello,
Camp was better than I thought, not good.. but still better than I thought. No one was sick which was good but I did still have a few anxiety attacks on the busses worrying. My friends also abandoned me and ran up the back of the bus leaving me crying alone so that was fun.

Also I don’t get why if what you did in life doesn’t matter when you are dead but it matters at the start? Like in the end we are all going to rot in the ground anyways so why do we even try and make life good. The bad stuff outweighs the good anyways.

Also I don’t get why my whole life is centred around tests. Like I put all my energy into preparing for these tests then in 1 hour they are over and I get a mark for them. It feels like it is marking how much I destroyed my wellbeing in the lead up.

so yeah, also another note, I can’t stop biting my nails and I hate how it looks, I hate how I look but my nails make me especially insecure but I can’t stop biting them, and when I say they are short I mean I have bitten them so much they are almost non existent

[Aaronsis]

Hi Forrest_123

It is so very wonderful that even though camp was not brilliant, it was better than you thought, this is such fantastic news and I am so happy for you that you did have some time that you enjoyed. Well done for making it through and for being brave and going, for challenging yourself to get on that bus and for making the best of the situation that was presented to you, I am so proud of you.

That is not cool that your friends left you crying, I hope you were able to chat to them and let them know some of what you were going through in the lead up to this camp and also that the bus ride was a huge anxiety point for you. It is really lousy of them to leave you feeling alone and like they didn't care.

It is very true what you say, we essentially are all going to rot in the ground, that is the basic fundamental of anything and that is that we all have a life cycle, it must come to an end. So why does it matter then what we do in our life if we are going to end up dead. I guess there are two ways to look at it, and one is that we put up with it all until we are old and pass away, or we take every day as a new challenge a new opportunity and enjoy the time that we have here. Could you image a world where we all just sit in a room and do nothing as what is the point as we will all pass away? It would be a pretty miserable place to be, however, we can enjoy parks, and beaches, and learn new things, and be creative, and love other people, love animals, see other countries and experience growth and the pleasure that is life. You might like to challenge me on that but I essentially believe if we spend each day doing something for others it really makes for a good place to be.

Ahhh test, you are really throwing me all the hard ones today Forrest_123..lol...school is a place where we learn, to gauge how well we have remembered what we have learnt we are tested...the outcome of the tests may get you into a Uni course where you will go on to learn a whole bunch of new things and be tested again. Testing is the way we as humans can create a distinction between those who have remembered the subject matter compared to others..in my opinion. Now, there is no way of getting out of this cycle as this is how we are awarded opportunities in life and rightly or wrongly this is how our society creates a system in order to choose who does what...I believe.

Nail biting is hard to stop...I am running out of room here so will post another note on that.

Hugs

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

It’s me again,

I haven’t been doing good recently. I haven’t been doing good for a while, but I’ve only just fully admitted that to myself. People ask me if I’m ok it’s always “I’m fine” “I’m ok” “I’m just tired” but I’m not, I’m tired of life. I’m faking my smile. I just wanna pack up everything and move away to New York, to not have a care in the world, to be reckless, to have fun, to explore. To be happy. It’s not possible but its at the point where it feels like the only way. I just am done. I want to re start. I’m always anxious, I feel like everyone hates me, I am constantly under so much stress and pressure with school and trying to fit in, I sit in the shower for an hour just thinking, I cry myself to sleep every night. so yeah

[Sophie_M]

Hey Forrest_123,

Thanks so much for keeping the community updated on how you've been feeling. We're really sorry to hear that you've been struggling recently, and feeling tired of life. It sounds like these feelings must be really tough to cope with, but please know that our community is here to help support you through this.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 by phone (1800 55 1800) or also through  online chat: https://kidshelpline.com.au/​​​​ ​One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this difficult time.

You're also always welcome to get in touch with our Beyond Blue Support Service anytime by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. 

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.