I'm so tired of this

[LilJ]

I've only been struggling with depression for a couple of years but I really hit rock bottom at the start of this year. Had a couple of hospital visits and got myself some real help. Things were going better and I felt like I could breathe again.

Now I feel myself slipping back down. I always knew it wasn't going to all be uphill but I hate falling again.

I'm stuck in dead end job after dead end job because I don't know where I want to be I've tried careers councilling, I've tried just giving things a go. I feel stuck. I feel incapable. I feel stupid.

I want to make people happy in any way that I can. All that I have done this year is put a strain on everybody I love. I miss my family and I miss the way things used to be.

Today I could hardly move because I was so exhausted. It was my first day off in a while and I should of used it constructively but instead I sat and stared at a wall. I'm frustrated with myself and yet I can't seem to force myself to do anything.

I don't know what to do

[Kazzl]

Hi LilJ, welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. It's a familiar feeling to me and to many of us on the forum.

Are you getting any treatment from your doc or a psych at the moment? That's probably the best place to start.

You sound like things are overwhelming you at the moment - a job you don't like, missing your family, feeling stuck and incapable. I've been in that situation - each problem becomes bigger through the effects of the other problems. Like, maybe if your family was around you could better tolerate the job, or if you were in a job you loved you might tolerate being away from your family more (I'm assuming they don't live near you, sorry if I've misunderstood).

I was given a good piece of advice once when I felt every aspect of my life was going wrong - break it down. Look at each thing separately. And then think about what one thing you might be able to change. Even a small change, but for the better - to help you regain some sense of control. They can be 'small' things, like maybe taking a walk, speaking to someone at work you've never spoken to before, choosing not to work through your lunch hour and going out instead, setting up Skype so you can see and talk to someone who's far away ...

Is that possible for you LiLJ? Is there one thing you can change? I found once I'd changed one thing, I was more able to change another.

I hope this helps. Keep talking to us hun, there are many people here who will be able to share their experiences too.

Kaz

[geoff]

hi LilJ, it takes a great deal of courage to decide to post a comment because you are in fear of what sort of reaction you may get, but this is a safe site so please don't worry.
What does happen is that we get all the help and attention we need to get ourselves back on track, which is great, but as soon as we feel better, we tend to slack off and feel as though we don't anymore help, and unfortunatwely that's a big mistake, because depression is always with us, it's something that we have to keep an eye on and realise that at any time it could strike back and once again control us.
The one major point here is that you were able to overcome it before and when you do fall backwards it might only be a relapse which has happened with me several times, so look at your current situation that you know you will get better again, easy said than done I know.
Think to yourself that have done this before, you were able to regain your strength, and slowly realise all the good you have been able to do, and start once again the treatment you had before, but most importantly don't think that this any part of a failure, it's just another bump, and it won't be the last, but each time you will recover, and each time you will learn something new which will make you stronger. Geoff.