I feel really lonely and really want some friends

RubyAmeliaaa · ‎12-10-2020

Hi, I have so much to say but I just don't know where to start let's just say it has been really hard recently, life has never felt so meaningless I miss being happy I am trying really hard to pull through. I have felt really distant from my friends this past year I kind of don't even know if they are my friends anymore I really want to make some new genuine friends, highschool is hard enough but being in high school and having no friends is just really taking a toll on me. I don't know how to make new friends, not going to lie none of the people at my school really get me I don't know some of them are nice I just get a feeling they don't care about me like they wouldn't care if I was gone. I have many likes and hobbies and wish I would be able to bond with people over them so if anyone has any tips it would be greatly appreciated! Also having high anxiety definitely doesn't help meeting new people lol

Butterfly20 · ‎15-10-2020

Hi RubyAmeliaa,

I am sorry you are going through this tough time. Highschool is hard enough as it. I think this year in particular has been very tough due to effects of Covid and it really tests out relationships and can make people feel disconnected and lonely. If you were close with your friends before and and had a connection, perhaps talking to them and telling how you feel might help to bring you close again. They might feel the same as you are. If they don’t understand or don’t want to reconnect, then at least you know you did your part and you will really know if they are true friends or not.

I do understand the difficulty to approach and talk to people. I struggled in highschool too due to being the quiet introverted one. It brings back a lot of memories. However, I would advise to just be yourself fully, stick to your hobbies and i think the right people will be drawn to you. Be open if someone does talk to you but no need to force anything or pretend. I remember i had a friend who i thought was my best friend from year 7 but over time i realised we were just too different in terms of our values and she was using me for homework and always competing so eventually our friendship fizzled out after highschool. It was really sad but sometimes lives go in seperate ways. I also met another friend in year 9/10 who was very similar to me and our friendship was awkward to start with and took a while to develop but we are still best friends now after 20 years and mand changes in life. This year due to covid restrictions and busy lifes we did not see eachother that much (has been 3months) and i felt disconnected and the other day i told her how i felt over a message and she felt the same way and we had a big chat and reconnected.

I hope this post helps a bit. Take care and always be true to yourself.

hellohi · ‎15-10-2020

Hi LonleyCat

Haha, I did choose a weird name, hello, hi, I should have added hey too- hey, hello, hi lol.

I am really glad that this is a place where you can come for help. We care about you and we are always here for you.

How has today been for you?

I hope you have a nice day,
Neerja

hellohi · ‎15-10-2020

Hi RubyAmeliaa,

How has today been for you?

I hope you are doing well.

Warmest wishes,

Neerja

LonleyCat · ‎15-10-2020

Hello hello, hi😀

Hahahaha lol, your a very funny guy XD. Thanks for making my day, talking about day, i think i had a great day today. For the first time in months, me and my close friends (i think i can call them that, well they used to be my close friends) were playing handball today, we had so much fun and we had some funny times too. We were laughing together for the first time in a long time. I enjoyed playing with them and i wish we were like this forever.

I think as i'm playing with them i'm getting closer to them. Like, when we went too class, we chatted to each other like we didn't before. To be honest before when we made no contact i couldn't remember being with them, i forgot all my memories about them. But now that i was playing with my close friends, i think the memories are coming back.

I'm glad they wanted to play with me, and i hope this will be the same tomorrow and on wards hopefully. Welp, thanks for replying back to me and i hope you have a good one too, bye.

- LC

RubyAmeliaaa · ‎16-10-2020

Hi Neerja, good to talk to you again, It's kind of weird with my friends and the people at my school I don't really know who is close to me and who isn't.

Before we went online I would hang out with my two friends (one which is leaving at the end of the year) and even then it wasn't the best because they were a lot closer and I kind of felt like a third wheel. In my three years at high school, my friends have changed rapidly each year I lost someone really close to me and I thought I was doing the right thing staying with my closest friends I have now, but now I'm not sure. My one close friend who is leaving is very social and over this online period has seemed to make many friends which don't get me wrong is amazing but it's like what about me? we've been best friends for like 5 years you're leaving soon and you barely talk to me. Not to mention you probably know the game among us if not it's just this game where you can play with 10 friends, anyway they always post about playing and face timing, and it's like how hard would it be to ask if I wanted to hang out to idk it's just kinda annoying.

My other close friend, we still definitely talk and I made an effort to talk to her yesterday when I felt a bit happier but there is still I slight boundary with are friendship and I haven't only had one friend in quite a long time and I feel like there is a lot that could go wrong.

I want to still make an effort to try and find others at my school but let's just say its almost mission impossible, I was thinking that if the last 6 weeks of year 9 are that bad I might consider moving schools, it's quite a conflicting thought rn but It could have many benefits. I do and don't want to leave cause even though some people at my school have not been the best to me I know I would still miss them. However, this other school is a lot better than the one I'm at now and A lot bigger so a lot more opportunities.

anyway sorry for that long rant or whatever that was thanks for being a good friend 🙂

-R

hellohi · ‎19-10-2020

Hi RubyAmeliaaa

Please don't apologise and it isn't a rant. I understand how you feel and you are in a tough situation.

You can say whatever you like here and I will be here to listen whenever you like.

It does feel really weird being left out and feeling like the third wheel, as you don't know how to respond to the other people. People are really stressful, you never why they are changing and how to respond to them changing. Before remote learning, my friends would do the same thing and during that time I thought leaving the group might help but it didn't, as they joined the group and walked with us, they were annoyed with me though.

I understand how you feel about your close friend leaving and barely talking with you. she should be trying to make the most of her time she has with you and its not fair how she is barely talking to you. But maybe, she also afraid that she is leaving and she may be afraid of losing friends and is trying to make as many friends as she can, but we don't really know why she is doing it.

That must be really frustrating how they are posting about playing and face timing. Its really not nice that they are doing that and you are part of the friend group and they should ask you if you want to join. Maybe have a go asking them that you would like to hang out and see how they respond?

It's really good that you have a friend who you can talk to. I understand that it is hard to change with having multiple friends to having one. what things do you can go wrong?

It is really hard to find others and make friends, I still haven't found anyone who I feel comfortable with at school. You are right, changing schools can have benefits, maybe you may find close friends there and like you said that there are more opportunities there and it is really hard to change schools and leaving everything behind and starting fresh. I moved schools in year 7 and i didn't enjoy the first term of the year because i missed everything from my old school too much, but after a while, I liked the new school better than the old one.

I think you should what you feel comfortable with and you think is the right decision. Maybe you could talk to the school counsellor in your school and they might help?

How are you? How has school been?

Are you still in remote learning?

I have to go back to school next Monday.

Thank you for being such a good friend and I hope you have a wonderful day

Neerja

RubyAmeliaaa · ‎20-10-2020

Hi Neerja,

I also go back to school on Monday and let's just say my anxiety is through the roof lol, let's just hope it goes well and I'm just overthinking things. However besides that the past like few days I've been ok I think the anxiety of going back to school cancels out being depressed about feeling lonely but I'm not sure. I have two more days of remote and I have mixed feelings like it will be good to finally leave my room and be able to see some people but last time I was at school it was kind of a mess.

My depression isn't as bad at school cause I'm always on the go but last time I was at school I was really struggling with eating as I just feel really self-conscious so I would be consistently restricting and purging and I really don't want that to happen again I have been clean for like a month and a half and I feel really proud but I'm just also anxious that I might relapse with the stress of school.

Anyway, I hope you're doing well and I hope when you go back to school it's all smooth sailing and everything goes well with your friends too. Are you happy to go back to school? I guess the years almost over anyway that's what's been keeping me going I guess.

Also, my state has lifted and will be lifting a lot of restrictions which is good!

Hope you have a good rest of your day!

Hope to talks soon. (Ps these forum things are actually really comforting like I'm so happy I came across these, talking to other people that are experiencing the same things as me and talking to them is really been helping me so thanks for always responding)

-Ruby

Guest_0784 · ‎20-10-2020

You know what, I'm in the exact same boat as you! I'm 14 now, and I have Autism, Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD. I like infrastructure, politics, animals, theme parks, and public transport. I've been in Special Needs School's until recently. And it was quite easy to have friends and help them out, expect for a few kids. And I was mostly happy until I got some bullies who went quite extreme. That's where I gotten my mental problems from. So I had to move out and move back in multiple times until I got into High School.

As everyone was interested into Fortnite at School, and not me. It was very hard to find friends at School. I was in a Special Needs Classroom in a High School. And there was a gang of boys who were very edgy, and would bully me about my voice and my mental heath problems. And would also try to hurt me. There was also a group of boys who I met by just sitting down at the area that they would sit. They would do graffiti and would make fun of the Christchurch Shooting. And with online bullying, my dad bullying me, and all of this. It caused me to have a severe mental episode in front of the whole school every 6 weeks that would cause me to leave School temporarily.

All that anybody got there was a minor talk with the teacher and after denying it they would get away and I would be the one who gets punished by being suspended. So I missed most of my school work for year 7 and 8. So I've fallen behind massively. And also after the outbursts. Even the nice people were afraid of me because of my mental problems. And others would give me stuff that I just couldn't do.

I'm now trying out Distance Education and it seems like it will be permeant. This is the problem with the Education system. And it needs to change! Talking to anybody at school is talking to a wall. And I don't know if I'll be getting any more friends at my age wherever I'm going at this rate. And I've always struggled with adolescent most of my life with few exceptions. I don't know what's going to happen next. And it's good to know I'm not the only one. Which I've never had in my life!

P.S Sorry that I copied from another post. It's just the response I think is appropriate for this thread.

RubyAmeliaaa · ‎21-10-2020

Hey AheadMatthewawsome,

I actually read your same message on another post and really wanted to respond I have just been so busy with school recently.

I can't begin to imagine what school must be like for you it seems like it's been quite draining and my heart goes out to you. I completely agree most kids at school in 2020 are actually so boring and so sucked up in honestly idk like I always think what goes through these kids heads to say the most stupid and horrible things or be like robots that all talk, act and look the same.

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety quite young but other than that I was pretty mentally stable until high school and now it's like each year it seems to get worst I developed severe depression and an ED for what because no one just seemed to care about me and couldn't do things like inviting me to talk.

I feel like school is just so weird like we go there to learn but come out with expectations, friendships, heartbreaks well bullies. You seem like a really cool person with really cool hobbies/likes and I hope your distance education goes well, I wish there were more people who struggle with what we all struggle with in real life so we could all be each other's friends lol I know there they're probably are but idk.

I hope to hear from you again and good luck with everything!

-Ruby

hellohi · ‎15-11-2020

Hi Ruby,

How are you feeling lately? How is school?

Sorry for the late reply.

Neerja