I feel like I really need to ask this

Will_C · ‎10-09-2013

Ok, I've been wanting to ask this on this forum for a while but I've been putting it off because I thought it was a stupid thing to ask. I'm about 15 years old, turning 16 in December, and I'm always quite cheerful at school. But when I get home, I become angst ridden and feel nervous about just being home. And it's weird because my mum is THE nicest, most selfless, generous person that I know (I'm an only child). But I feel like I can't tell her or ask her anything. Then I just end up feeling selfish. Whats wrong with me, if anything?

Dennis38 · ‎10-09-2013

First you are being a teenager....ok now that we got that out of the way....deep sigh and a smile. Ok first Will some of the feelings you are having can be honestly just normal teenage problems, hormones are a real pain in the rump. But the honest word that I can give you and this will be one of the hardest things you have had to do in your young life, talk to your mom. The nervous feeling when you get home is not a good thing to feel, as it can lead to a nasty spell of depression and you hding in your room and missing life. Being a teenager is hard enough with out having someone to turn to and ask questions to.

And also this was not a stupid question, the old saying there is no such thing as a stupid question, well that's wrong there are a few stupid questions, like going up to someone and asking if they are all right when you can see that they are gushing blood lol. Talk to your mom the best way to do this is when you are feeling ok, maybe ask her to go to the park with you, some where that you are not feeling angst ridden or nervous and keep a calm head and just talk with her, tell her what you are feeling and see what she says.

vip · ‎10-09-2013

Hi Will welcome to the forum. Well done for sharing your post very brave and mature of you. I have one son only and he is 6 yrs old he speaks to me about everything and there are times I ask him questions and he says mum i dont want to speak to you about it. Please try and sit down with mum she sounds lovely Im sure she would love to hear what you have to say. If you feel like you have these feelings your mum is the one who can advise you what to do eg . speak to a school councillor or go with you to a gp ect whatever you feel comfortable with . Thats what mums are for reach out to her asap she will be your saviour here. I dont feel there is anything wrong with you just maybe going through changes being a teenager and these are the years you do feel weird around your parents ect ect its probably just hormonal. Let us know how you go and take care,

Tracy71 · ‎10-09-2013

Hi Will C,

First of all how wonderful are you for acknowledging your mum how you do. I hope you tell her how you feel. Im guessing dad isnt around. Do you have an uncle or sports coach you can talk to if you want a guy to guy conversation? Or talk to the fellas on here. Or us Mums as we may be able to help too, Do you have any idea why your so anxious when you get home? Identify that and the rest will reveal itself. Good luck will and hope to hear back.xx

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎11-09-2013

Dear Will C,

The most important part of your thread is this: (I'm an only child) which you actually put in brackets - a kind of mirror of your not wanting to talk about your concerns and then not wanting to be given recognition except by bracketing. Dennis (38) comment "this was not a stupid question", Nes's advice to speak to a "school councillor" and then Tracey's "Do you have any idea why you're so anxious when you get home ?" are all great pointers.

My kids are older - 19, 20 & 21 - but I remember the discomfort of them returning home and facing general questions. As an only child like yourself it would be a much harder situation. You can't just grab the tim tams, run upstairs shouting "Sorry, mum, I'm battling Christian on Starcraft - talk to Bertie instead". Sometimes those after school talks feel like they're being done with a interrogation procedure and it's very common for single child families to over reach and expect too much. Daily exposure to this kind of domestic spotlight can be jarring.

If you are able to get yourself to and from school then that's your world. Free of home issues and responsibilities. Time for you to meet people and enjoy the frisson of daily life. Many a parent of teenagers would relate to being asked for a lift to school only to discover that their child is too embarassed by them and asks to be dropped around the corner. "I don't want them to see how bad our car is" / "But if you come to the main reception area you'll talk to someone" / "Don't wave at Mrs Perkins, oh God, I wish I'd taken the bus".

Your parents probably love you unconditionally - don't let the School Certificate or other academic achievements replace a good relationship with mum and dad. If your angst is stopping you from eating, sleeping or doing that Alegra Homework that you love so much (!) then it's time to seek some coping strategies or at least talk to your GP. There are a lot of similar postings on BB and sometimes the mother of the teenager KNOWS the counsellor at school so this avenue becomes closed off too. It's a sensible concern. At least 4 responders think so.

Adios, David.

PS The answer to the Algebra Homework is 9.14 over xyz minus the turkey.

Will_C · ‎12-09-2013

First of all thank you all so much for replying to my post, I appreciate it so much. I think I may have figured out why I am really nervous. I think it's may be because like The Real Charles David said, that I'm an only child. But I've been a only child since two weeks after I was born during Christmas of '97. So I'm used to going to my dad's house every 2 weeks or so. But ever since my sister turned eleven last year, she has turned into such a little b*tch and is always back chatting what I say, mimicking me, putting me down, basically bullying me. And this is has been making me feel like not even going to my dads. But I've been doing it for so long that I don't feel like I can say no just one weekend.

I am going to speak to the school councilor tomorrow or Monday to discuss it with her first just so I can make sure with her that I should do what you guys and girls have suggested. I think that they're all great ideas and I will probably try talking to mum about it after I've spoken to the school councilor.

Thank you all so much, this has all been inside of me for nigh on a year, and only one other person has known (since a day ago), my mate Alex. I want to thank you all very much again. It has bought a weight off of my chest (even if only a small one)

PS. David we're on Chance and Data now so the answer is actually Heads, 6 + potato 🙂

cas · ‎12-09-2013

Hi Will, I personally really struggle to talk to anyone when I have a problem. It can sometimes be really difficult to find the right words or even to start the conversation. Unfortunately if you don't talk about it, it will become a much bigger problem in your head, and I'm saying this from experience. You end up having a bit of a breakdown and really it could have easily been resolved.

My tip for you if you are finding it hard to bring these issues up with your mum, is to write it down in a letter and either hand it to her personally or put in on her pillow. I find this allows you to be able to tell the person everything you need to without getting over emotional and forgetting to bring something up. Your mum can then either write a letter back to you which you could suggest to her in your letter if that is what you are more comfortable with OR she will approach you and sit down with you and talk about.

I hope this helps and I hope your anxiety at home gets better.

Tracy71 · ‎12-09-2013

Hi again Will,

Glad your feeling a bit better and have some direction. I am an only child too and my god it SUCKS. I also had no cousins or family so it was just me and my mum. It has taken me a long time (im now 42) to find my place in life. If your anything like me you crave family, and the closeness it brings.

As for your sister, is your angst coming from your parent not standing up for you while she gets away with being horrid? That would be a perfectly normal response. Confide in your mate Alex, and dont let yourself be pushed into doing anything you dont want to do. You seem like you dont want to let anyone down. Buddy, your a teenager, think of you and you only for a while like every other kid does. Keep in contact and let us all know how you go. All the best. xx