I feel like I drive people away from me

[Liam007]

This last week has been awful. I feel like the reason I have no friends is because of me and the person I am. When I'm around people all I want to do is just "friendly chat" but I feel like I screw it up.

I constantly apologize "If I said something that I upset you, I'm sorry" or "I didn't mean any offense". It doesn't matter if they have stated they are offended or not I still apologize. I feel like people view me as a social weirdo. 

 After a uncomfortable experience like that I go on social avoidance, a teacher was trying to compliment me in Visual Arts, I just responded with "Yep, yep, thanks, oh cool" I wasn't being a jerk, I'm just scared to even speak up now.

I had one friend just completely ignore me out of no where. I have no clue what I did. I tried to apologize for whatever I did but he ignored me and probably will never speak to me again.

I feel like I have no friends and the people who do talk to me probably hate me so much. I feel like no one wants me around.

Despite all this, I've bee invited to a party with them at the end of the year. I feel like I'll just embarrass myself and drive people even further away

[white knight]

Hi Liam

At this point in time, with many social and emotional issues you've documented here on this forum, I'd stay away from parties until you gain more confidence. It is like running into water when you havent learned to swim yet.

A trick someone taught me as a teenager was to always ask questions of the other person. People like attention. Try asking someone about their hobby. Say they are good at woodwork. Ask them about their tools, their creations etc. If you ask enough then people walk away thinking you are a nice guy even though they dont know anything about you, its because you took an interest in them....

I havent been much different to you in terms of expression. It's embarrassing and there isnt much you can do about it but develop new ways to conduct yourself.

But remember, it isnt you. It's society. It's peoples expectations of behaviour. eg  There is a show on TV called "the beauty and the geek". I refuse to watch it on the terms that a "geek" is demeaning, hurtful and trendy to laugh at. Why? Because they look different, arent "cool" and others try to change them.

Funny that....the richest man in the world is a so called geek. Bill Gates is clearly a geek and helps countless poor people in our world with his riches. I'd rather be a friend of Bill Gates than a friend of those that point the finger at some and call them "geeks".

Stick to your own kind Liam. Your own kind are those you feel comfortable with.

Tony WK

[Liam007]

Hey Tony,

So I've mention I like Visual Arts and Drama, though I feel like that's where my problems arise.

I feel like my Drama teacher is displeased with me, as I've mentioned I tried eagerly to impress him and be helpful but feel like I've annoyed him to where he is sick of me.

Same thing can best said for the other Drama students, I previously tried to start eager conversations with them in the past but feel like I've given up, they don't sound like they enjoy my company or I think I'm annoying them.

I feel like I have trouble with trying to think "Are they serious or messing with me?" I was doing work experience with my brother's friend who works in video production which is something I'm highly interested in. I was asking a lot about how I could help out in the future because I liked working with him etc. I remember thinking "I sound annoying" and then said "I'm sorry, I'm didn't mean to bager you with questions" He just chuckled and said "That's a good quality you have Liam, you never want leave a bad impression with people" I still feel like I annoy people.

I agree with you about that "Beauty and the geek" rubbish. I can't stand reality TV in general.

Hope to chat again soon, Liam

[Neil_1]

Hi Liam

I did enjoy Tony's comments regarding Bill Gates - very spot on and shows the quality of the man, that though he has squillions of dollars and has a heated driveway, so in winter his drive doesn't get snowed in, he's still able to put forth many dollars to needy people.

Liam - with all that you've written, I can't see any concrete evidence for people dis-liking you or where you have annoyed people.  All I'm reading is that you are 'sensing' this, or that you 'feel' this is what is happening.  I would just kind of go with the flow over the next little while and see how things pan out. 

But what I'm "sensing" here (whoa, now you've got me saying it lol) is that things may not be as bad as you may think they are - and I say this because you have been invited to the party.  I'm now unsure as to whether you should go, having heard Tony's theory on that.  How long before the party is happening?

And I agree with your brother's friend - that is a good quality that you possess.  The other thing I find in you that is another excellent quality - is that you're not afraid to ask questions.  As a youngster I never did that and even though it's a long time ago now, I do regret it;  cause I think I missed out on learning quite a bit.  But you should definitely keep up with the questions - knowledge is a valuable tool.

Chat again,

Neil