I feel like a damn loser

[sonsofanarchy]

I'm a male 23 years old, never kissed anyone, never dated anyone, never had sex with anyone. I've never even had a real female friend. I hate it, I hate it so much it makes me want to punch holes through the wall. I am so angry, so frustrated, and it makes me almost want to cry. I know what I'm feeling is only temporary and it will go away next week, but it doesn't change the facts!

I am successful in everything I need except this one part of life, I am a miserable failure. I feel so lonely and I worry that I'll be like this forever. Don't say that I am still very young; the past 3 years went by in a second for me, another 10 is nothing.

What I have failed to achieved, 95% of the population would have easily achieved. I see everyone around me happy with their partners and some even becoming engaged. I feel like an inferior product, a genetic failure, and a person that no one could love. It's pathetic.

I'm seriously thinking about going to a brothel but I fear this would be a waste of money and that it would brand me a loser for life.

[geoff]

dear Sonsofanarchy, thank you deciding to post a comment on here, as I'm sure there many doubts on whether to do so or not, but good on you for doing so.

OK I'm not going to say anything about being young or it will eventually come along, because if we said that then we would instantly lose you and you would decide to leave us, and that's what we don't want to do, because it will leave your worry still going on, and you will be no better off.

So let's skip chapter 1 and go and go to chapter 2 or 3.

Boy oh boy how frustrating it is and even since my divorce in 2000, I had prepared everything so that I would have a wonderful life, as I'm too old to have any more children, so I stopped any chance for this to happen, but in that time, which is 14 years I have had one date for one day only, and ever since that there has been nothing, so what I'm saying is that all wishes have not come through, so it even happens at the other end of life.

This doesn't help you because you're not really interested in my life, it's yours that is a worry, sure it may change next week, but that's pointless as another week has gone bye.

Not everyone who is married or dating are always in a beautiful relationship, it may seem to be on the outside and when in the company of others, but in real life they feel miserable, but let's not presume that happens to every one, so perhaps we can cut this equation in half.

It is expected that people in life have a relationship, and are somehow frowned upon if they don't, so this brings in the 95% figure you mention.

If you want to go to a brothel, and I have to be careful here, then that's a decision you make, and it's happened on bucks night where the future groom needs some experience, and I don't want to upset the ladies here, because I'm talking aloud here, but maybe you could visit one with a mate, and they aren't to know what you have or haven't done, but although it maybe a waste of money, it will give you the thought that by having a female would be good.

Please don't waste your money on dating services as some advertise that it's free but they aren't, you still have to pay, and you are never sure on whether the person you are seeking is actually that person.

I am running out of characters, so I will wind here, and then we can continue, as I'm sure others will reply as well, in regard to your hobbies etc. Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi S,  welcome also to this forum.

It is a tough subject to answer. Logic tells me that to find a partner one has to expand ones socialising. You really need to find hobbies/sports/clubs and the like to meet as many of the opposite sex as possible. That's logic. Doesnt mean it works. Doesnt mean it doesnt either.

When I was single I joined a dancing group, old fashioned dancing might sound ancient but girls love it. I was clumsy and would never make a good dancer but I got plenty of dates. And therein lies another challenge....just by getting a date doesnt mean you are going out with someone compatible. I dont want to sound negative but looking for a partner can be a long long task.

Most people though IMO meet their partners at work, sport or is a friend of a friend or family.

I wish you good luck. It wont be much good telling you that you are not abnormal, perhaps shy, uncomfortable or uneasy...but not abnormal.  Try to cease the self defamation of yourself as it will be a vicious circle of sadness and frustration you are already into. Relax, think about increasing your chances and get to know as many people as possible as they know more people etc etc and that will turn things around.

PS try to makes friends only and see if it develops from there. Girls like to feel comfortable for some time before they will accept a date.

[flower_girl1]

Hi Sons of Anarchy

I am fairly new here, and I have never posted before. I am female 24 and I have never kissed a guy, never dated a guy and never had sex. But honestly I know a fair few people my age who are in the same boat. I also know plenty who have made a lot of bad decisions by this age. I have not been very social in the last few years cause I have been so consumed by work and study and the few guys I have met just seem way to young or not right. I know I need to go out more but I am pretty scared too, don't know why it should be pretty simple. WK is right about the fiends first thing though, I have had plenty of guys come on really strong and it just freaks me out cause I don't trust them, and then I leave as soon as I can. If I thought all they wanted was to be a cool new friend though, that would be awesome and I would so give him my digits. P.S I wish more guys knew how to dance, its old school but everything comes back in fashion.

flower_girl

[sonsofanarchy]

Coming here and posting, I feel terribly embarrassed. No layer of security and anonymity can ease me.


I know the places where people meet other people.

*Bars/clubs - I don't really drink and have never been into one of these places. I may go there someday with some mates but I don't think I will meet anyone.

*Work/study place - there are two women in my uni class and they are much older than I. The industry I will work in is composed of less than 7% women.

*Hobby/sport/interest groups - All of the things that interest me are unaffordable at this point in time. All of the things that interest me are also predominately male interests as well.

*Friends/family introducing me - I have essentially no family and my friends are few (but good)

I suspect my frustrations will only get worse as I age. There is always something to remind me. A mate asking me whether I've met anyone yet, a medical doctor ridiculing me on my lack of encounters, the tv, the newspaper, people in public, I am reminded everywhere. If I could remove my desires, I would do so. But I can't, they are hard wired into me.

[Little_Rascal]

Hey sonsofanarchy,

There are so many nerves surrounding the first time, and it does seem to get harder with age. Don't feel embarrassed 🙂 

Maybe getting over the stigma and considering your suggestion may relive some of the tension and nerves so you can relax around women? My bf has seen some ladies of night before we got together, he was too lazy to find a girl.  I have a few other male friends who see these girls, and some went to them for their first time too. I don't judge them, it's a natural urge. And who will brand you a loser? You don't have to tell anyone.  I hope a woman's pov has helped.  Chick's can sense when you're not comfortable, and a lot of girls these days can be quite emotionally desensitized and rude and oversexualised yet cold.  

Please keep in touch 

[sonsofanarchy]

A prostitute provides no validation. I also don't want to catch herpes. I'd get the HPV shot but it would cost hundreds.

I don't think I am nervous or uncomfortable around women specifically; I simply have nothing to say to the ones I ever see. In fact, I have never, in my adult life, met a like minded female and so it is no surprise that I have no close female friends nowadays.


I feel much better now. It is clear that the medicine that I've been taking for the past two weeks caused some issues. The problem has faded away now and today is the last dose in my cycle.

[AusHam]

Hi SonsOfAnarchy

Im 31 years old unmarried, no girlfriend, no kids and never been kissed/had sex. I went through the same problem at your age. Your best bet is to find new hobbies and meet new people.

As flower_girl has pointed out, you don't want to come across as too creepy when approaching girls, which is exactly the problem I had at your age. Also, being in any relationship (including a romantic one) is not easy and takes a lot of work. I've known people who got married young but were divorced in less than a few years.

[Little_Rascal]

They make you wear protection, well in Australia any way, and  through an agency the girls are checked regularly. I understand the no validation bit though.

A partner doesn't necessarily have to be like minded, when I meet my fella I was a vegan .. he defiantly was not, we had very different values. Do you have close female family members you can hang out with?

Glad you're feeling better, glad it was just the medication. had you ever felt like this before?

[Flex]

Sometimes we want things so bad and for so long we crave to have something that we feel and think will make us complete or feel better and or bring us happiness but then when we finally get it its not what we thought it would be like and after a few days that longing goes away and you feel like you didn't really need it anyway, so don't let the little things upset you or frustrate you I have felt the same way before & bet many others have and do to and these couples may look happy but underneath it takes a lot of effort to please someone else all the time and maintain a relationship. When you like who you are and take care of yourself you are more likely to attract a partner into your life. This use to frustrate the hell out of me for ages until I gave an online dating site a go then it took my mind of why don't I have a girlfriend like so many other guys out there to what kind of girl would I like to go on a date with and or be with? So I asked lots of girls out but I got heaps of rejection at first then slowly some girls started agreeing to chatt with me and its through just chatting that you get a feel what the other person is like and you may even decide that she's not the one for you so be careful not to just take the first girl that puts her hand up to go out with you because you might find that your not suited for each other. Sometimes you just cant hurry these kind of things so just enjoy being single and having that spare change in your wallet because when you partnered you will know what its like to be broke all the time. Good things come to those who wait good luck I'm still looking for the girl of my dreams. Hope this helps out..

Flex