I don't know what to do

[Jeff91824673]

For the last two years ive been in love with a girl from school

I'm just gonna summarise this time

At the end of grade 9 (i just finished grade 11) we became close, to the point where i thought a relationship might form, however at a party at the end of school she hooked up with some dude, none of us even knew. That sucked, but oh well. Later in mid grade 10 we ended up going out for a couple of weeks, and they made me feel so good. she then broke up with me and mid this year was going out with my best mate, who she had also liked back just after we dated. That was real painful. They recently broke up, and i am still really good friends with her, not to the point of getting together of course but enough so that when she hooked up with this other dude at this party the other night it deeply rattled me. Now i thought that perhaps she had changed, because i know her so well and never expected that. But apparently I'm wrong. Now i just feel so incredibly bad. I don't know what to do because even if we do get together one day, will this whole cycle just repeat. I cant really imagine a life without her and this has stopped me when it comes to getting close with other women. So i just feel bad because i dont know what to do, and also feel really betrayed and shocked.

[Jeff91824673]

Sorry i guess what i mean, is that i cant imagine or comprehend how to end my feelings towards her, but is this what i must do?

[Zeal]

Hi Jeff,

Welcome to the forum!

You sound mature for your age, I must say. Based solely on your post, I'm not sure whether this girl is being insensitive or is unaware of the impact of her actions. This girl going out with your best mate would have been tough for you. It doesn't sound as though she has cheated on anyone, thankfully. She didn't form a relationship with your best mate until about a year after you dated her, but this is still understandably upsetting for you. Did your best mate say anything to you before this happened?

It sounds as though this girl isn't too sure of her feelings or what she wants out of a relationship. She went out with you for a few weeks, and your best mate for less than six months. Seeing as you guys are probably around 16, this isn't uncommon. I'm making myself feel old here - I'm 23, so I'm a youngish adult! The best advice I can give you is to be honest with this girl. Tell her that you still have feelings for her, and ask if she feels the same way. This may sound intimidating, but it's the best way to know where you stand with her. Otherwise, misunderstandings will continue to happen.

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[ShyGirl21]

hi jeff , by the sounds of it she is unsure what she wants or is happy doing what she is doing . have you talked to her and told her how you feel .

i would distance yourself from her and try to forget about her so you can evently one day date again

[159357]

I am currently in the process of attempting to give up and forget about my ex, who too confused my feelings. I assume you may be in the same situation of having put so much effort into them and them moving on like nothing happened while you're stuck alone. I see you are also confused about how that she had changed so much, all i can say to that is people change and if it's away from you, it means that there's a reason. I'm not saying god exists, but i'm fairly sure that something seems to be in control of what happens in this world, thought it may just be schizophrenia.

[Ray24]

Sorry to hear about you troubles mate,

Unfortunately the situation that you are in is quite common, and there is no sure-fire way to resolve it; but there are a few options that you can try.

I agree with some of the replies here, that you tell her how you feel - but this can also complicate things if you are not careful.

(1) It may jeaprodise your relationship or at least make it uncomfortable.

(2) She may not reciprocate your feelings, which will leave you exactly where you are

(3) she could end up dating your friend again (as teenagers tend to do) which may also affect your relationship with your friend.

(4) she may already know you like her and play you on, telling you she is not sure to keep your attentions

Some people crave attention, whether it be on social media, in friendship groups or also very commonly the opposite sex (for obvious reasons). It doesnt mean that they are a bad person or are using you consciously, but also she may enjoy knowing that you are always there caring for her while she has fun doing what she wants.

Obviously you know her better than us, but i have had experience with this exact issue in the past. In the end I spaced myself from the girl and the group until I could mentally handle it. (I was invested with this girl from year 7 to year 11) I never really stopped caring until college ended, but spacing myself was the best thing I ever did.

I ended up moving to brisbane (because canberra had nothing for me) and met a girl whom i am now engaged 5 years strong, couldnt be happier with my relationship.

I guess what i am really trying to say is do what you feel is right, but remember there are around 6.5 billion people (last time i checked) on earth. You are still young, and have the opportunity to meet mang people in your life. If you are having issues with 1 girl at school, maybe it's fate saying that she is not the one 🙂

Whatever you choose to do, I hope that we have managed to help in some way

Ray

[Jeff91824673]

Hey thanks everyone for the advice and support. Just to have others opinions has been really great. I'm not sure what i'll do, but i think ill try and move on. Not like completely but I'm definitely gonna stop texting her and seeing her for a while at least until i figure everything out. Thanks again everyone, it is really awesome that you guys are all here whenever anyone needs help.