Hey, a new member.

Orange_Juices · ‎03-04-2016

I've heard of this site/organisation plenty of times before, but I was just doing some research on depression and thought I might as well sign up. I've had depression for as long as I can remember, I'm 23 now, and have always felt as if life was hopeless and held negative feelings because of that. I was on anti-depressive medication for 2 and a half years, and it did some good. I think some people are born with a deficiency of certain chemicals which may lead them to be naturally depressed, and a lot of people have scoffed at this. I definitely believe that I'm just a naturally depressed person, it sucks. I'm actually surprised that there hasn't been any research on this, if anyone could direct me/link me to something similar to what I've talked about then that would be awesome 🙂

geoff · ‎03-04-2016

hi Orange Juices, having depression is a curse, it's an illness that none of us would ever wish upon anybody else, because what we have been through makes us realise why is it possible that this illness can destroy so much in our life, not only once but constantly.
Why is it so that person A doesn't get it, while person Z does, is it what we have to struggle with in life, or someone else's personality that can tip us over the edge, or our marriage breakdown which we can't cope with, or is it because our metabolism is lacking a chemical which can then adversely affect us in a situation that goes the wrong way, well it maybe all of these, so can I give you another example, people who smoke all their life may not get emphysema, as I know 2 elderly people who smoke a packet a day all their adult life and don't have emphysema, while someone who smokes a short time fall to the illness.
The same applies with depression, I've had it badly while my twin brother has never had it, which I'm so pleased about, but why are my chemicals all messed up, well I can't answer that, even though I'm bigger and probably stronger (?), but that makes no difference.
If you just google 'research depression' there maybe information that could help you, while others maybe able to direct you to certain sites, apart from searching the BB information.
I would really like to hear back from you. Geoff.

White_Rose · ‎03-04-2016

Dear OJ

Hello and welcome. It's brave of you to post here and look for ways to help yourself. As Geoff has said, there is plenty of material to read here and it's all good. You could also access the The Black Dog Institute for information.

If you would like to access help online I will point you to the Mindspot clinic. https://mindspot.org.au/ or the Suicide Callback web page. https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ Or Life is for Living http://www.livingisforeveryone.com.au/About-LIFE.html which is sponsored by the Health Dept. Another web site is SANE https://www.sane.org/ These are all good places to get information.

In the meantime I suggest you pay a visit to your GP and talk about your current bout of depression. This is the person who can help you most. I would love to know how you go on.

Mary

Orange_Juices · ‎03-04-2016

Hey Geoff, I agree, it definitely is a curse. There are always those nights when you just think to yourself, 'why me...', even though it's not so much of a question but more so related to the inevitability of certain things in life.

I think that the cause is something chemical, which in turn leads us to think differently, at least for people that have had it all of their lives. However for people with seasonal/chronic depression, it's hard to say. I might try and search something on it tonight if I have time though.

What has been your experience with depression Geoff? If you don't mind answering.

@ Whiterose, I'm more interested in research related to depression from birth (earliest age people can remember when they had it). I've tried to deal with and accepted my depression, I'm definitely not brave. Thank you though.

geoff · ‎04-04-2016

dear Orange Juices, thanks for getting bck to us,
Well my experience with depression, it would be too hard to mention everything, however I've had it on and off for 56 years, sorry I'm an old fella, but that doesn't natter here, because depression doesn't alter from age to age, it's the same or similar.
Perhaps I will start when my wife (ex) had our second baby and had PND, which I also had while trying to run a family hotel by myself.
It was a very difficult time trying to be happy at work and then suffering when not working, fortunately her mum was staying in the hotel with her partner, and she mainly looked after our 2 sons who were yonger and one still in nappies.
During that time she left me a couple of times taking our 2 sons, and that was very hard to cope with, but we then moved to another hotel where the both of us were to manage the pub, I was badly assaulted and then she left me again until I was sacked, because of my injury I couldn't cope and after that it was a slog to try and get going.
Had a feeling my wife was having an affair as I caught her ringing someone three times from a public phone, so I started to drink alcohol from morning till whenever as I couldn't work due to my depression.
Tried to end my life and from then on it just got worse, until finally she left me and then divorced me.
I have left out a lot of detail but happy to answer any more questions you want to ask me. Geoff.

Orange_Juices · ‎08-04-2016

Thanks for telling me all that's happened Geoff, it sounds like hell. And don't worry, I know that depression doesn't discriminate based on age, it sucks all round 😞

The things which I can remember is that my Dad used to frighten me a bit as a child, even though we have a good relationship now, it caused me to view things a bit differently. My parents got divorced when I was 11, but honestly I think it worked out for the best, as they were constantly fighting.

I was always quiet as a child, and got bullied because of it sometimes. It seems like a lot of the times, teachers were meaner to kids who they thought were a bit different, or who they could take advantage of, which was the case as well. I never had too many friends. I remember looking up at the stars every night when I was in year 7, 8 and 9, and thinking of the hopelessness of it all, and then having thoughts of killing myself all night.

I tried to run away one day in Year 8, and brought a backpack to go into the nearby wildlife to try and live away from society (stupid I know lol). It didn't work out, as I walked a fair way.

In year 9, I tried really hard to get this girl to like me and go out with me. She did which was great, but a month later she broke up with me, and then started to spread rumours about me (it was Year 9, so it was pretty trivial). I then told everyone that she gave me a sexual favour (which at the time was like '...what!'), and she was deeply hurt, and I wanted to apologise to her for years, but never had the courage too.

After that, I got really drunk, and had to be rushed to a hospital to get my stomach pumped. I couldn't remember anything from that night, but I remember the friend I was with and his other friends sent me death threats. They said I was a snitch because I told my parents that I got drunk with my friend.

I felt even more alone, and had no people that could be considered friends for a long time.

In the first year of University, I made some new friends, but one day, the one I was closest too ignored me completely, and again, I didn't have the courage to ask him why.

I gained my own independent voice in my third year of university, and started to talk with people more, but no matter how much I talked to others, I felt like I could never connect with them, or be their friend.

After living for 23 years, I only have one friend, who constantly cancels on me.

Orange_Juices · ‎08-04-2016

Also, I have always loved exercising, possibly my only passion that I can half-heartedly say that I enjoy, but in Year 12 I injured myself, because I was doing an excess amount of exercise, and have barely exercised in the last 5+ years.

I have also had issues with sleeping ever since I was young, maybe it's interrelated with depression, but to top it off, I have a bladder issue called overactive bladder, where it feels like I have to urinate 24/7, and so it makes sleeping hard.

I've tried to treat my injuries and also my bladder issue, but to no avail. I've had a cystoscopy and tried different medications, as well as tried conservative treatment for my injuries which involves going to a physio to get a list of exercises, and after months of doing them, felt no change.