Maybe I'm just going crazy?

[DanielleRae]

Hi there,

As an introduction I am a 22 year old female who has had previous mental illness.

I don't know if this is a certain anxiety or what is happening here, maybe a phobia. It's relationship orientated. I meet someone, they are attracted, I am attracted, we talk for about a week and then I notice this pattern, they start talking less, and I panic! I mean panic, why aren't they responding, why is it short, what have I done. Then I send some crazy message explaining how I am as a person, that I'm upfront and I can come on strong and tell them I'm not trying to scare them away. Which makes things worse. I look insane and after 10 days I generally never hear from them again.

I believe this stems from growing up with a single mother, my mother was always afraid she would never find someone. I watched her go from one horrible encounter to another and then she passed away, after telling me she didn't want to die alone. I understand this is irrational and what I am doing is being needy, and that just scares people and I can totally understand why.

I don't continuely message after I don't hear from them anymore. Not at all. But after a month I messaged one of them after this happening nearly half a dozen times simply asking what happened and they said "look I wasn't looking for anything serious, and I was going to be your friend, but you got attached too quickly and I felt suffocated and I didn't even know you really, you were explaining things to me about yourself that weren't necessary, and rooted from you overthinking. I found this behaviour unhealthy and you should probably see someone about that"

So basically, my symptoms are emotional and mental: needyness, being clingy, overthinking, hopelessness, irrational and emotional, compulsive behaviour, panic, blowing things out of scope. Physically: intense heart beat, tightening of the chest, trouble breathing, dizziness,

​Is there something wrong with me? Or Is this how I am as a person?

I have asked for advice elsewhere and everyone just says, stop worrying you're 22 not 60 someone will come along. But they don't actually understand that's not my problem. My problem is how I react to finding someone nice, I get anxiety and panic and I almost intentionally push them away and can't stop it. I don't get anxiety about any other aspect of my life, but this consumes me, it's 24hours a day panic.

Please give me some insight if you have any, thank you, would be much appreciated!

[white knight]

Hi DanielleRae welcome

No, it isn't you. I had the same thing happen to me at a young age. I'm 60 by the way.

It is a case of not meeting the right type of person, sadly, hope you don't mind me being up front. This "casual" relationship modern idea of fun fun fun isn't ideal for all of us. It could be interpreted as just causal sex, not being too deep, have a fling and see you later unless he cant find sex then you might be around type of relationship. Yuk! But that's what they want so be it, free world, but move on quickly, no point wasting your life with them types.

Same with talking about mental illness. Many people say to me I talk too much about it, well, it is the number one fear I have, the confusion, the taxing issues surrounding it. I bet these people would tell everyone around them if they broke their leg, how they broke it? I mean would we ignore their wheelchair existence?

So be yourself and meet the guy that wants you to be exactly you. It will happen but it will happen quicker and easier if you move on from this type of guy. Life is serious and some of us take it seriously. That makes the bed hoppers run a mile.

Good luck and doubt yourself less. The right guy will love you for bein just as you are.

Tony WK