Hello, I'm new here... A bit about me...

[mikayuu68]

Hi everyone,

At the moment I don't really understand what's happening
to me. I have gone through short periods of time of what I think was mild
anxiety before, mainly stemming from school work and my younger sister, who has
autism. Now I am well into Year 11 and this last week I don't feel like I can
keep going. I'm doing incredibly academic courses at school and have so far
been keeping up okay, but in three weeks time I have four exams occuring which
I am completely unprepared for. Next week, I also have work experience for a
week at a zoo a couple of hours away, meaning I'm missing out on five days of
school. I'm behind as it is, and where I am staying at, there is no internet. I
need to hand these four assessments up by the weekend (less than a week) and
the last two nights when I've sat down to really get stuck into it, I end up
staring at the wall for the next four hours while chewing my fingernails to the
stumps (I have bitten my nails since the age of two, and this year have started
ripping the skin off the tips too). My parents are also pressuring me to go for
my learners license, which I do want to go for but there’s something holding me
back from doing so. They are also on my back about getting a job, but I don’t
have the time or the energy at the moment and they can’t understand that! I
already volunteer five hours each Saturday morning with kids with special needs
and horses, and play in my school’s most advanced band. I doubt I’ll get the
marks I need to get into the medical uni course I want to do, I can’t remember
being taught half the stuff I need to know for exams. I have friends who have
self-harmed before and my best friend has mild autism and severe anxiety, I
have always been there for them and always seemed like the only one genuinely
happy, but lately all I want to do is be left alone. My autistic sister annoys
the absolute crap out of me and I can’t escape from her, I get this
overwhelming feeling of anger and I want to physically hurt her to make her
stop, mum is no help there. I don’t know whether to go to my friends (I can’t
talk to my parents about this), or the school counsellor, or the doctor. I’m
afraid of taking action, because then my parents and friends will be aware of
another side of me they never thought I had, and I don’t want that to change
anything. I have been going okay with bottling it up this entire time, but I
don’t know how much longer I can do that before I snap and something happens.

[pipsy]

Hi mkayuu68. Oh dear. I'm so sorry you're under so much pressure. You are in a spot with so much happening all at once. I would suggest you could go to either your Dr or your school counsellor. Both visits would be confidential. The study for your future is paramount. Perhaps by talking to your counsellor at school he/she could then arrange to meet and talk to your parents about your concerns. Year 11 would make you about 16/17, next year will be your last year and important for you to finish school, get your qualifications to enter uni. Do you sit for H.S.C exams, or is it overall percentages. In Qld it is based on overall percentages to enter uni. You need fairly high grades anyway, I believe to enter uni. Your Dr would probably be able to give your parents some help with your autistic sister too. That would ease the pressure on them a bit. You mentioned you're scared to take action, what sort of action are you contemplating? How old is your sister, I presume she needs a bit of care? You have so much on your pate, you really need to get some help.

Lynda.

[mikayuu68]

I have a few days before the weekend and before I leave for work experience, I'll see if I can send the counsellor a quick email. Yes, I turned 16 a few months ago now, we sit exams that go towards our SACE (year 11) and ATAR (year 12 decider for uni). To get into animals and veterinary science, I am looking at a near perfect ATAR, or at least above 90 to be considered. My dad works away in mining for two weeks at a time, so most of the time it's just me, my mum and my 10 year old sister. My mum is at the moment studying to work in childcare, and she has available options and people to drop my sister off to for a break, but hates doing so. My real escapes from them both are being at school, shut in my bedroom with my music up loud or at volunteering. For me, the one thing I want to mainly do is somehow get away from my sister completely, i.e. I want to live away from my parents and sister. My parents have talked about building a 'granny flat' down the back for me to live in, or adding a second floor to the shed up the front for me to live in. However, with money, this will take at least a few years (if I end up attending uni for the full six years I'll probably live at home for longer). Whenever I am around my sister, even for five minutes, I feel so close to snapping, even more at the moment than I used to. The last few nights, I've been struggling to shut my brain down and have been missing out on sleep. My mum is telling me to talk to the counsellor because of my school work, when I get a chance I will (I'm in English at the moment).

[pipsy]

Hi mikayuu. With attending uni, is it possible you could apply elsewhere so you could live on campus. If you live in a 'granny flat' are you going to be able to distance yourself from your sister? I kind of get the impression that your situation won't change as long as you remain at home. With your sister having autism she may not fully comprehend that because you live in a 'granny flat', it means you're no longer as accessible as you were. People with any sort of mental handicap don't always fully understand when they're asked to leave other people alone. Perhaps when you talk to your counsellor, you could mention this and see what alternatives there may be. If you could live in a 'granny flat' obviously it would solve a lot of problems, but you would need the full support of your parents where your sister is concerned. Does your sister attend any sort of school where after school care is available, this could help if she does.

Lynda.

[mikayuu68]

Yes, I do believe there's a spot at the uni I would be able to stay on campus, but the entire reason for staying at home for so long is to save money, as the university is still relatively close to home. My sister also does stay back at after school care, because she enjoys being at school, but she only does so on Thursdays, and only for an extra hour. Each Thursday me and my mum wait around instead of going back home. My sister also has a routine that at 5pm every night, she has to eat her tea, so really 4:30pm is the latest we pick her up. I finish school at 3:15pm. I'm still debating over asking the counselor, I have looked for her email address but can't confirm it's hers, I will try to tomorrow. My mum's been pressuring me to talk to her and arrange a time, and I know the counselor as I have gone to her before about a friends issues before. I feel stupid, it was so easy to go to her when I was worried about my best friend but I feel different about going to see her about myself.

[pipsy]

Hi mikayuu. I can understand the reasons behind you preferring to stay home while attending uni. You are in a position of wanting to do the right thing for everyone including yourself. Seeing your counsellor for some guidance is a good idea. No matter why you need to see her, whether it's about someone else you're concerned about, or yourself, your counsellor is there to guide you, support you and help you decide what's best for you. There is no shame in admitting you need help, counsellors are there to help and guide, no matter what the issue is. Everyone who posts here, has at some time had to see a counsellor/therapist for guidance when they haven't been able to sort things out alone. You are no different to any other person who needs help. When you do see your counsellor, all you need to tell her is, you need help with a personal problem.

Lynda