Driver Anxiety

[idklol]

Hey everyone,

Although it hasn't been diagnosed by a doctor, I believe I have anxiety. My parents don't seem to "believe" in anxiety though and think that I am just someone who stresses to much but I know that it is something more.

About 10 months ago I went and got my learners permits. It took me about 4 months to convince myself that I can capable of driving an automatic car and after some practice I feel quite confident. Recently we bought a manual car because my parents want me to get my manual licence. I have been out twice, once with mum and once with dad. Both ended in terrible anxiety attacks. My parents think that they are not the right people to teach me how to drive and want me to get a driving teacher. The thought of this terrifies me but my parents don't seem to understand this. I don't feel comfortable driving a car with a stranger in it because I feel like they will judge me and my driving or I could seriously hurt them if I crash.

I really would like to get my automatic licence for now and try for my manual in a few years when I feel more confident but my parents tell me it's manual or nothing. They are always nagging me to get my Ps so that they don't have to drive me around and I feel really bad because at my age (17) I should be driving myself like my other friends. I feel like I've wasted my parents time and money in trying to teach me to drive and buying the manual car however I am just not ready. I'm not sure what to do in this situation as my parents dont seem to understand how terrible I feel about this whole situation.

Any advice is greatly appreciated x

P.S My parents are amazing and would do anything for me and I love them very much but they just do not understand me in this situation

[Maggie_Mae]

Hi Idkol,

welcome to BB and thanks for sharing with us.

Firstly I want to say you certaibly are not alone with being nervous anxious about driving a manual or any car for that matter. Growing up my parents thought it would be better to get a manual licence too, to cut a long story short I ended up just getting my auto.

Have you been to see your GP? Maybe a chat with them about anxiety and ways in which they/others can help. This may also help to explain things to your parents.

sometimes your parents, family aren't the people to teach you to drive it just doesn't work out well. Driving instructors do this every single day they will not judge you and you certaibly aren't the only one to be anxious about driving a car. Take your time to meet the instructor and find someone you feel comfortable with, ask your friends who they went with.

[recoveryourlife]

Hi there,

I had terrible driving anxiety when I was learning, and initially having lessons did worsen this anxiety due to the fear of appearing silly and being judged and making too many mistakes etc. But after a couple of sessions, I became comfortable with my instructor, who was absolutely lovely, and although I'd always get nervous before lessons, the actual lessons themselves became productive, and driving became far less scary as I learnt from my instructor.

Also another note, the driving instructor normally has their own set of controls so they can brake, accelerate, control the clutch etc. so putting them in danger isn't something you should let concern you.

Now I have my full license. and I still have some driving anxiety and am yet to drive completely alone, but I've gotten so much better, more confident and less anxious on the roads.

i know it seems impossible now, but practice and exposure makes all the difference in the end. The concept of feeling the fear, but doing it anyway, really applies to this situation.

If you absolutely can't go ahead with manual at this time, but your parents won't budge, perhaps let them know that you need a break from driving in general until you do feel ready. You're still young, I only got my full license when I was already 20. You will be okay.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you, I know how tough it is to be in your current situation, but I have faith that you will conquer your fears.

[pipsy]

Hi idklol. You are right to feel slightly nervous about driving in todays traffic. When I learnt to drive abut 100 years ago. lol, I too was ultra-nervous. My dad also refused to teach me the reasons being valid, lack of patience mainly. Family teaching family may sound good in theory, some families it works if parent teaching off-spring has patience also good relationship between parent and off-spring. The instructor I had had a most unusual approach. The first lesson, he collected me, we drove around the corner. I took the wheel, nervous doesn't start to describe how I felt. After a minute he demanded we stop. I wondered what had I done that was so wrong. As it turned out, I hadn't done anything. My instructor then berated me, he didn't abuse me as such, just asked me to question myself as to why the importance of learning. After a minute of this unusual behaviour, I burst into tears. When I stopped, he then said, right, now you can settle and learn without feeling nervous. It was the best thing for me. I'm not saying that works every time. Instructors seem to 'know' when the client is ultra-nervous, they make allowances for this. This particular instructor held the position for over 20 years, he got results every time. I don't know what state you're from, here in Qld if you hold a license for an auto car, that's all you are allowed to drive. You need a manual license to drive auto and/or manual. I would suggest a license which would enable you to drive both would be a good idea. You may have to drive a manual at some time, knowing how to and possessing a license for such is a good idea.

Lynda.

[ahw309]

Hi idkol!

As you can see, you are definitely not alone in how you are feeling! I am also 17 and got my learner's many months ago, but have only gone out to drive 3 times, as even the thought makes me very anxious. My parents keep telling me to practise driving, so I am trying to gather the courage to, because I know practice will make me feel a little more comfortable in the situation. It's not easy, but I'm sure I will get there, as will you! 🙂

It seems pretty frightening to be driving in a car with a stranger, but if you do end up getting a driving instructor, don't worry about putting them in danger and keep in mind this is their job and they won't judge you. They have seen a range of people all with varying abilities and they are there to help.

Also, try not to feel bad about not having your Ps - many of my friends don't, and a few don't even have their Ls yet! And you definitely haven't wasted your parents' time or money - you said yourself your parents would do anything for you, and that includes driving you places and teaching you how to drive!

Just take your time and hopefully you can try explaining how you feel to your parents again.