Ghosting all of my friends... help?

[Spl spl]

Hey everyone, hope someone can give me an outside perspective to what is pretty much the root of my anxiety at the moment.

I have a horrible habit of not staying in contact with people. In real life (and with family) I'm fine, but online it's become a huge issue. I just finished year 12 and obviously I should want to keep in contact with my friends, however I haven't even tried talking to any of them online since November. I haven't been able to snap out of this feeling of anxiety, bite the bullet, and send them a message.

I avoid social media, my phone has been dead for 2 months now, and I've pretty much gone off the radar where neither one of us can reach the other. Even recently a close online friend messaged me on a certain website, but I freaked out and have avoided going on that website for almost 2 weeks now. In the past I have just ignored phones ringing or deleted apps because I just couldn't bear talking to anyone.

I could message my friends on a whim, but the thing is after they reply back, there is no guarantee I wouldn't avoid them afterwards. It just ends up being this big cycle where I avoid people for months then be in contact for about a week or so. I have very big feelings of guilt from doing this, since I know most people aren't cool with not being in contact with someone for months unlike me. My relationships have certainly suffered and my reputation has taken a hit as well. Any advice to stop ghosting people?

[Cls]

I'm glad I could help Spl Spl

Yeah, that's a lot of messages!

I hope all goes well 😊

[Cls]

I'm glad I could help Spl Spl

Yeah, that's a lot of messages!

I hope all goes well 😊

[Spl spl]

Small update: It went well! My friend said they were happy to hear back from me which I didn't expect haha. Thanks for the help. While the immediate problem has been fixed I might still update here just because ghosting has become a habit and I don't want it to creep up on me again. While it's great it's worked out, I'm not in the habit of talking to people often so I have to keep it up. Even today I realized I forgot someone's birthday so... >< yeah

[Cls]

Thanks for the update. I'm glad you are trying to keep in contact with your friends. I find it can get very overwhelming at times, so just remember it is ok to take some time for yourself.

[jaanx]

Hi Spl Spl

I'm sorry that this is so late, you might not be on here anymore but I just wanted to say that I relate with you 100% and It's the first time I've seen someone else express what I do and why so well. I currently don't have any close friends so it is especially hard when new people want to talk online and become friends when I don't feel like I can reciprocate any of it.

If you do by any chance see this, and since it has been a while since you've seeked help on here, do you have any advice to cope with it?

[Spl spl]

Hi jaanx,

I just saw this today, I haven't been on here for a while, and so I hope you find this reply!

From the sounds of this thread it seems I totally solved the problem, but nope it's still kind of an issue. I learnt a lot more though so hopefully this can help: I found out I had ADHD. And it turns out this is a very common thing for people with ADHD to do. The adhd subreddit has some posts by others about the same kind of thing if you want to look into it more and find a bunch of tips on how to deal with it, its all there (if you just search up 'texting', you'll find some).

Also, being upfront about this lack of texting with people usually goes pretty well surprisingly, so don't feel like you need to keep it a secret to 'keep up appearances'.

That's all I've got so far. Hope you are coping with it

[Matthewsydneyaustralia]

I read your updates, and I'm really happy to hear you have reached out to your mate.   I was ghosted years ago from someone I almost talked to on a regular basis, and I have not heard from her in years.    I'm pretty sure its for multiple reasons but it did hurt like hell.   But I do get that sometimes things like that can't be controlled so its very understandable.     

But you shouldn't feel bad about it because as long as you make an effort to reach out to them and talk to them its going to be okay.   

At the end of the day I can tell you right now that If that friend sent me a message or gave me a call (Even after all this time) I would more than happily welcome them back with open arms no questions asked.   

I hope the above post is comforting to those who have ghosted in the past. 

The only reason why I have not tried to reach out to them, or try getting in touch with them by any means necessary is because it could be awkward and may actually make things worse and I'm also afraid of rejection and reaching out to that person at the wrong time would make me feel worse.   

The only thing I wish I did back then was write down 1 simple message and left it at that.   "When you are ready to talk to me, no matter how long it takes I will be here for you when you come back".   

I just hope one day that person who've I've lost contact with has it in them to say hello to me again.    But unfortunately not all stories have happy endings 😞