Friendship anxiety.

[hufflepuffle]

So I've always seen myself as a good, nice person, as have many others. But some recent events have made me feel like I am becoming a bad person.

Late last year, I found out a 'friend' of mine had been lying to my face about multiple things. She catfished my other friend for over a year, she talked about me behind my back, and she outed me to some people I wasn't comfortable with. All while pretending to be my friend.

I realised this, but the next day she was sleeping over at my house, so I pretended to be friends with her, while being really upset and talking about her behind her back.

Eventually, I stopped talking to her, and originally, I felt really good about it. After not talking to her, I received some threatening messages from her, saying nasty things like I was fake, etc...

So I cried. A lot. Because it hurt to have someone I was so previously close with say all those things about me. I felt so bad about myself, and I really wasn't sure who was in the wrong.

I did a lot of petty things, however, like smile at her condescendingly when she was glaring at her, using not-so-nice nicknames (rospo - it means toad in Italian) and just straight up didn't talk to her.

Two months later, I still freak out whenever I see her and have trouble saying her name. My friends are telling me to let it go but it's really not that easy. She hurt me a lot and I don't know whether my anxiety is justified by what she did, or if I'm letting her to get to me too much.

Theres still a part of my that wants to be her friend, and I know I shouldn't. I feel like a really bad person for just leaving her to fend for herself, but at the same time I feel like she deserves it, and then I feel bad for not feeling bad.

Can anyone help me? Just let me know whether my actions and feeling are justified? Whether I'm becoming bad?

Thanks guys.

[Quercus]

Hi Hufflepuffle and welcome to the forums.

Are you a bad person? No. No you're not.

The very fact that you're hurting still says you care strongly for people. The fact that you want to see the good in your 'friend' despite all that has passed says a lot about your character in a good way.

The end of a friendship is always always difficult. You're not the first to react in a catty way and you will not be the last. You regret your actions and that will teach you in future to try some other way to cope.

Not being able to move on is a feeling I relate to. I feel things strongly. So when I respect and like and trust someone sometimes I jump in too quickly and don't protect myself. I end up hurt and angry and find it very hard to let go.

What has helped me is having the confrontation and getting the feelings out there. I have learned I need this resolution. Even if I don't get an answer I feel better openly asking and knowing I tried to be civil.

I hope you can find a method that works for you.

Nat

[Iron_Forge]

This person is NOT a friend, simple as that, she has lied to your face, lied to YOUR friends (catfished them) AND still smiled to your face while shit canning (outed) you to others (sorry about the language) This is not some one you need in your life, she made her own bed, let her lie in it.

Take the messages to the cops...they are cracking down on the cyber bulling stuff now, and of course you friends are saying let it got..it wasn't them getting stabbed in the back (sorry, I have no tolerance for people and crap like this at all)

 a YouTube video that I found to be great on life choices and surrounding you're self with good people and making better choices, if it doesn't work look up this video...and get a box of tissues ready (very moving, emotional and true!) "The impacting story that moved entire middle school to tears"