Feeling like an Outcast

[NorthShoreCitizen]

Hello,

New to this and I'll try my best to be understandable. Ever since I've hit the age of 19, things haven't been so good mentally. I'm always feeling like an outcast and not feeling good about myself. I'm not the best in social situations, I struggle to find good friends, and even when I have social events, I can come of as awkward and weird, and I can tell most people I met see this in me by how they react when I'm around. Everyone around seems to be good at all these things, have good social skills, confident, while I just feel hopeless no matter what I do. Tbh though I've never enjoyed much of what my age group like, clubbing, drinking etc so I think that's why I not able to fit in with most people my age, I have different interests, such as, I enjoy classical music, while no one else does and people judge me for it, so I think more less of myself, hence feeling like an outcast. These are small issues but effect me greatly. I hope this all made sense and someone can give me some advice on the matter. Thank you.

[White_Rose]

Dear NSC

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Thank you writing in here. It can take a lot of courage, so well done. It shows you have strength and determination.

You also have good taste in enjoying classical music. I too am a fan. Sadly, my 19yo grandson who lives with me does not share my enjoyment and complains to his aunts, my daughters, that being in my car means means he is forced to listen to my music. Good job he has his own wheels.

Despite the difference in music tastes you and my grandson are very similar. He finds it difficult to contribute to a general conversation, even when it is family. He does not go clubbing and drinking either. Would rather spend time in his room with his computer.

After we leave school our various interests start to become more important I've found. Long time friends often drift apart after school, usually because they start to live different lives and lifestyles. Now that you have left school and are not in the company of the same people you are free to do things you enjoy. Now I'm sure you are wondering what grandma is on about. It's quite simple, this is your time to make your life what you want.

It seems difficult because you have not done this before. Forget you old experiences and concentrate on what you want. Do you work, go to uni or college? Look around at what's happening. What is available that you may enjoy! Go to concerts, you never know who you may meet and talk to. No need to have great skills, just talk about the music. Speak to the person sitting next to you. Use them to practice your social skills. After all you will probably never see that person again. And mostly, people are happy to talk about what's happened on stage or what's about to happen.

When you are enjoying yourself others are attracted to that enjoyment, especially when they share liking. Find other activities and go there. It's always easier to chat about about what you have in common.

Keep writing in here and if I have misunderstood you please let me know.

Mary

[NorthShoreCitizen]

Thanks for writing back.

I'm currently at uni and enjoying it say far. I have meet some friends which is good, but don't know if they are the right friends yet. Maybe I have high expectations for people. I've always had bad experiences with people in my age group, which explains why I've never enjoyed myself with them. I just have nothing else in common I feel. The only company I ever enjoy is being with my closest cousin and his friends, they are older and easier to talk too. My biggest fear is I'll never get far in life and things will continue to be like this.

[White_Rose]

Never fear, you will get on in life. The fact that you enjoy talking to older people such as your cousin and friends says a great deal about your social skills and ability to hold a good conversation. You are learning from those who have been where you are and they are sharing this with you. It may not look like it, but they are modelling good social skills. Observe them and see what they do. You will master the art in quick time.

Mary

[NorthShoreCitizen]

Lets hope so.

My social skills have improved, but because I never really did what everybody else does in their teen years, I always think I'm wasting my life being an outcast. I'm always questioning everything. It's tiering. To feel like no one takes me seriously nor am I worth their time because Im awkward and weird, makes me less of a person.

At the end of the day, I lack confidence in myself and depend to much on others to make me feel good.

[White_Rose]

Join the club. We all want others to like and approve of us. It only becomes damaging if that is the only yardstick you use. Try and give yourself permission to notice the good stuff you do and pat yourself on the back. And tell others when something special has happened. Too shy? Yes I know the feeling. Can't possibly say to someone you had a win of some kind. But notice how much others do it. They are making their own success. I don't mean go around bragging, just gently telling some significant people that you have accomplished something. Their pride in you will be fantastic.

The people I most admire are those who stand out from the crowd, those who do their own thing. Doesn't always work but so what. Questioning is a good thing. That's how inventions and discoveries are made. Look at the changes in the world because someone said WHY?

You can talk, think and work out problems. You told me all that in your posts. Carry on talking with your cousin and his friends. Talk to the person sitting next to you in class. Talk here on BB.

You are doing well.

Mary

[NorthShoreCitizen]

Thank you Mary for taking the time to reply to me.

I liked when you said "The people I most admire are those who stand out from the crowd, those who do their own thing. Doesn't always work but so what" You have given me great insight. All I can do now is take each step out a time in my life and see where it leads me. Hopefully a much positive one.

"The less you give a damn, the happier you will be."

I've been reading alot on this forum and always question why people become so troubled in their minds. Maybe because the world came to be by accident, life can be naturally hard sometimes?

[Greyhound123]

Hi NorthShoreCitizen,

People mature at different rates, I am only 33, but i noticed thought my younger years I was probably the opposite to you, i took too long to grow up and stop drinking, partying and acting the fool. It's funny I often now think I wish I was more mature when I was younger, probably more like you. Being 19 i think you will find over the next few years that there is a massive world outside highschool and even uni. If you can try and find some uni groups that suit your interests, if you preffer taking to older/different people, there is nothing wrong with that, in fact it shows you are above your age group in many ways which is a good thing.

[Jack184]

Hi there,

Can I just say that I can completely relate to what you said when it comes to feeling like an outcast. I've felt that way my whole life, largely because I have Asperger's Syndrome and, as such, no social skills to speak of. I know how it feels, but I'd think that, now you're out of high school, you should be able to find people who share your interests out there somewhere. They might not be easy to find, but I'd be surprised if that means you can't fond anyone. Maybe see if there's a way of connecting with other people who share your interest in classical music. You might be surprised.

Good luck,

Jack

[NorthShoreCitizen]

Thank you all for the reply. You have helped me greatly 🙂