Feeling like a social outcast at school

[Liam007]

Hi All,

 This is my first post here and I'm fairly new to this forum.

I apologise if this story is long, I need to list everything

My name is Liam and I'm a 17 year old high school student, I'm in Year 12 at the time of writing this post.

I have the problem of not seeing the good in my self, I basically feel like a failure. I was always the quiet kid at school (this was back in 2010) I tried to fix this in 2011 but it didn't go well so in 2012 and 2013 I was in TOTAL FEAR of speaking up or introducing myself to anyone. I used to love creative arts but didn't want to share them out of fear I would be laughed at.

In 2014, I felt I finally started gaining confidence. I was getting good marks from my teachers and felt I was making legit friends but then....

 I was walking out to lunch one day and one of the groups was sitting in one of the classrooms (they were doing rehearsals for something, can't recall) but anyway I actually overheard them and they were basically saying "I was a weirdo" They were lying to me and only pretending to like me.

Since then my confidence and self esteem JUST CRASHED. I ended up saying really cruel things about myself:

"I hate myself", "I could not show up and no one would give a crap!" "I'm a worthless failure"

and just never believing ANYTHING nice, good and kind anyone had to say about me.  I basically started to feel my reports were all just lies and the teachers were just exaggerating their good comments.

 Which now brings me to this forum, I now feel lost and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anything I can do to ease up on myself? Should I ease up?

Thank you, Liam

[Liam007]

About play: It's about the theme of colour, it's a humorous storyabout a super villain who wants to rid the world of colour. I play one of the pink henchmen and have about 3 lines of dialogue. We have about 50 students in the play, it's put on by the school and is open to general public.

And yes, after our 2 weeks break in between terms which was a few weeks ago, we come back and they tell us we have started the Year 12 course.

I'm sorry but I feel like me trying to do positive thinking activities by myself doesn't work, I think I should wait until I see headspace to try stuff like that.

I turn 18 in April next year and we are thinking of going to Sydney, plus we have a holiday to Melbourne coming up in January

Thanks, will keep you posted

[NicoleP]

Hi Liiam

Sorry I haven't been around much but I've had 'stuff' happening. 

I have a bit of a theory about positive thinking. The more you try and think positive, the more your little voice is negative. It has negatives for every positive. Also the more I try be positive, the more I put myself down for not being positive, which is negative, so I put myself down and the vicious cycle continues. I like ACT therapy in which you just accept the negative thoughts - they are just thoughts and you don't have to believe them or try and get rid of them. Have a look for Russ Harris on YouTube. He is very interesting to listen to

Kezza

[Liam007]

Hi Kezza,

Watched Russ Harris, I liked his "sweaty hands" out of control speech. Very Interesting man

Anyway so something happened today,

I never mentioned I had a part time job at McDonalds, to sum it up in one sentence: Perhaps not the best job for someone with social anxiet. I've worked there since 2012 and it's my first job. I was nervous at the interview but that was normal, nothing like how nervous I get now

Anyway I got a call from them inviting me to attend a Christmas party next week, I originally said no. But then I changed my mind suddenly and called back saying I would go and to put my name down...now I'm really nervous. I rarely get invited to parties. I'm not sure what made me go "Ah why not?"

Anyway I should be seeing a headspace counselor real soon and I'll keep you posted. Take care.

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

My daughter who suffers from anxiety also works at Maccas. Apart from the interview and day 1, she has enjoyed working there. I would say that I have social anxiety and will happily go somewhere that I have a role to play - think it means that I don't have to make social chit chat with people (and deal with those awkward silences when I have nothing to say). Think that is why my daughter is happy there (except when she has to deal with irate customers).

Like you, I hate parties. I have our end of school year Christmas concert on December 12 and I am looking for any excuse not to go. I am counting down the days and am hoping that I contract some terrible disease between now and then. I often deal with this kind of thing by dragging my husband along. Are parents allowed to go? I have been to my daughters functions at Maccas.

Kezza

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

Thanks for the run down on the play. The world would certainly be different if there were not so many colours out there!

I love noticing the changing seasons and seeing all the different colours. We have a rose which changes colour dramatically from a brilliant orange to a faded yellow.

All the best with the Head Space appointment! Hope it helps you immensely.

I hope you enjoy the Christmas party with the group from McDonalds. Well done to you for ringing back and saying you will go.

It is great you have a couple of holidays to look forward to.

Hope all your coming events go very well for you.

From Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Got a call back today from headspace, I see them next Tuesday (18th)

I'm super glad they called cause I feel things have sunk a bit.

Drama is now my least favourite class. It used to be my favourite but I don't feel like I belong in the class. I feel inadequate to everyone in that class. I almost wished I dropped that class, but I dropped another one already and couldn't drop another one. I feel like I'm stuck with a terrible choice.

I'm back where I was in 2012. Never wanting to show any of my creative arts creations. I feel kinda like the weird kid.

I have a lot of social anxiety, want to hide myself from the world but I love acting and art making???  I feel like I shouldn't be doing it because it makes me nervous but I can't bring myself to stop?

I'm also having headaches and asking to go the toilet during the class, it doesn't matter if I have to go or not. If I don't I just go for a drink of water then return straight back to class. I actually feel like my teachers dislike me now.

I also say "I'm going for a walk" and I just walk 10 minutes up the road and sit in a Botanic Garden and just...think.

I'm just finding it really hard to stay "happy" at the moment.

I'll keep you posted, I'll still be around 🙂

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

Hope you are ok

K

[Liam007]

Hi Kezzaa
I'm okay...but things are just a little stressful. I hope I didnt worry you with that post

Its been a rather hectic week. Hopefully a rest over the weekend should be good

Will keep in touch, Liam

[Liam007]

Hi all it's me again,

I just wanted to let you know that I have calmed down over the weekend.

I am a little concerned about the appointment this Tuesday, I don't know where to start and probably am going to have to write a great deal just to get my head around what I'm going to say.

Anyway, I'll talk to you all again soon
Liam

[Liam007]

Hi all just thought I would give an update,

The first headspace session was good, the man I will speaking to is a very friendly man. He said I explained everything well and gave him a good understanding of what was wrong

The christmas party was a disaster however, I barely lasted an hour before I bailed. Ive made another thread in the aniexty section explaining further. Take care