Feeling like a social outcast at school

Liam007 · ‎08-10-2014

Hi All,

This is my first post here and I'm fairly new to this forum.

I apologise if this story is long, I need to list everything

My name is Liam and I'm a 17 year old high school student, I'm in Year 12 at the time of writing this post.

I have the problem of not seeing the good in my self, I basically feel like a failure. I was always the quiet kid at school (this was back in 2010) I tried to fix this in 2011 but it didn't go well so in 2012 and 2013 I was in TOTAL FEAR of speaking up or introducing myself to anyone. I used to love creative arts but didn't want to share them out of fear I would be laughed at.

In 2014, I felt I finally started gaining confidence. I was getting good marks from my teachers and felt I was making legit friends but then....

I was walking out to lunch one day and one of the groups was sitting in one of the classrooms (they were doing rehearsals for something, can't recall) but anyway I actually overheard them and they were basically saying "I was a weirdo" They were lying to me and only pretending to like me.

Since then my confidence and self esteem JUST CRASHED. I ended up saying really cruel things about myself:

"I hate myself", "I could not show up and no one would give a crap!" "I'm a worthless failure"

and just never believing ANYTHING nice, good and kind anyone had to say about me. I basically started to feel my reports were all just lies and the teachers were just exaggerating their good comments.

Which now brings me to this forum, I now feel lost and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anything I can do to ease up on myself? Should I ease up?

Thank you, Liam

Ldog · ‎02-11-2014

Hi Liam

I really hope you'll be alright. I've pretty much gone through the same thing, and I still am, but slightly different.

I hope this will help you 🙂

At the monent I feel inferior to my sister; she gets most of the attention, and the people in my household have more meaningful coversations with her.

I feel stupid and immature. Why are they acting different towards her?

After a few weeks of wallowing in self pity and bitterness, I thought to myself "Hey...is it me or them? Is this all just in my head?" It's just my mind coming up with all these thoughts that make me feel like no-one cares, but is it actually true?

After that, I also thought "If it is true, then I can do something about it by changing my behaviour." After THAT I thought "I live at home...my sister doesn't, and she has kids. When she comes to visit OBVIOUSLY they'd be more interested in what she's been up to." Finally, I just kind of accepted it with "My sister has loads of friends and she has a more interesting life than I do. But being quiet is just the way I am, I can't change that."

Sorry for talking about me for 1000 lines, but what I think you should try is trying to change the way you think. My psychologist got me doing it (I forgot exactly what it's called, but it's something associated with cognitive behaviour therapy)

This is what I wrote down when I was anxious:

"Automatic thought: I can't do this! I'm screwed! Distortion: Over-reacting Alternative thought: This has happened before. This is the perfect opportunity to take cabs less and walk more 🙂 Everything will be fine! New thought: Excitement (eagerness to change) Calmness"

Challenge your thoughts, whatever they may be. Writing your thoughts down like how I did above really helps me pull my thoughts back to reality.

I showed my psychologist what I had written down about alternative thinking, and she said loved how I compacted it into a few lines (she originally gave me an A4 piece of paper to do it on, but I just did it my own little way in my phone's notes). She said she wanted to tell other people to do the same thing, which I thought was awesome!

(Sorry if I come across as just raving on about myself, but I think trying the alternative thinking thing might help you :))

I really hope everything works out for you!

Lauren

Liam007 · ‎03-11-2014

Hi Kezzaa

You're not being dumb at all, no need to apologize 🙂

I like action figures, such as figures of superheroes like Black Widow, Captain America and The Avengers. I just sculpted a figure of the alien from "Alien 3"

Airfix and Revell do people figures such as Soldiers in various war situations.

If you saw the response I wrote to ldog, ignore it. It was silly and I shouldn't have written it. I'm sorry but I felt I was crossing the line when I wrote that. It wasn't necessary.

Headspace finally called, I'm going in to see them tomorrow 🙂 Keep you posted.

Liam

dougall · ‎03-11-2014

Hi Liam so glad you have stuck with the site looks like you have made quite a few friends, I am so pleased. You like action figures so do I. My son loves the anime figurines and I do paintings of them in watercolour. What did you use to sculpt as I would like to try my hand at that but don't know where to start? Don't apologise for posts you put up sometimes we write what we feel at the time then later when we read it back we don't feel the same way, we have all done that, this is why this forum is a brilliant place because it is normal everyday people answering normal everyday people. How did Headspace go?

Liam007 · ‎03-11-2014

Dougall

I get a picture of what I'm sculpting, built it piece by piece, arms, legs, head. I then stick them together with wet clay and wires to hold them in place. I use entirely hand and a few tools.

I haven't been to head-space yet, I see them Tuesday.

Thanks, Liam

dougall · ‎03-11-2014

Hi Liam is there certain measurements to make it whatever size or do you just do it by eye. What clay do you use?

Liam007 · ‎03-11-2014

Dougall

I really just do it by eye. I use a basic air dry clay.

dougall · ‎03-11-2014

Hi Liam that is amazing, I find when I try to do things by eye one part is out of proportion to the other parts so I have a very unusual looking item ha ha. The air dry clay, can you buy that anywhere? Do you have to paint it or does it come in different colours?

Liam007 · ‎03-11-2014

I buy it from just general craft stores like Riot!, Spotlight and a place called Bargain Buy

It comes in white so I have to paint it.

If you want to know a more or ask further. Check out a post I made in the "recovery and staying well" section called "I finallly started enjoying one of my old hobbie again!". I can tell you a bit more there 🙂

dougall · ‎03-11-2014

Hi Liam thanks will look out for it as I am in a small country town with no transport to get anything. Will let you know how I go making something. Good luck with your sculpture, pity you can't post a picture.

NicoleP · ‎03-11-2014

Hi Liam

Like Dougall said - never apologise for your posts. You are writing about how you feel at the time and that is perfectly OK. Our feelings and thoughts are changing all the time just like the clouds in the sky.

I am really amazed with your sculpting. I wish I was creative. The kids at school (preps) laugh at my attempts to draw and do art! I am a maths/science person and envy you creative souls. Have you ever thought of selling your sculptures at a market?

Kezza