Feeling like a social outcast at school

[Liam007]

Hi All,

 This is my first post here and I'm fairly new to this forum.

I apologise if this story is long, I need to list everything

My name is Liam and I'm a 17 year old high school student, I'm in Year 12 at the time of writing this post.

I have the problem of not seeing the good in my self, I basically feel like a failure. I was always the quiet kid at school (this was back in 2010) I tried to fix this in 2011 but it didn't go well so in 2012 and 2013 I was in TOTAL FEAR of speaking up or introducing myself to anyone. I used to love creative arts but didn't want to share them out of fear I would be laughed at.

In 2014, I felt I finally started gaining confidence. I was getting good marks from my teachers and felt I was making legit friends but then....

 I was walking out to lunch one day and one of the groups was sitting in one of the classrooms (they were doing rehearsals for something, can't recall) but anyway I actually overheard them and they were basically saying "I was a weirdo" They were lying to me and only pretending to like me.

Since then my confidence and self esteem JUST CRASHED. I ended up saying really cruel things about myself:

"I hate myself", "I could not show up and no one would give a crap!" "I'm a worthless failure"

and just never believing ANYTHING nice, good and kind anyone had to say about me.  I basically started to feel my reports were all just lies and the teachers were just exaggerating their good comments.

 Which now brings me to this forum, I now feel lost and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anything I can do to ease up on myself? Should I ease up?

Thank you, Liam

[Doolhof]

Hi there Liam,

I wish I was half as wise as you are when I was your age! Could have saved me a few hassles in life! Then again, the experiences and hard knocks of life can shape us into tough, resilient, mindful, caring people who watch out for others and are able to recognise those who need a little help and assistance now and then.

I had trouble accessing the site on Saturday. Hopefully the glitch is out of the system now. Others had the same trouble. Or did you have problems with your own internet connection? Either way, you have connected now.

Please use the online chat as often as you feel you need to. Share what is in your heart and mind here as much as you feel you want to as well. We are all a family of like minded people here, wanting to help each other out.

Before you enter the school ground, take a few deep breaths, hold your head up high and tell yourself that you belong there, you are as good as anyone else, you are there for your education and to plan for the rest of your life. You are not there to be put down by bullies and people who have little regard for anyone else.

Congratulations for speaking to your parents. I am 50 years old and still find it hard to talk to mine! Ha. Ha.

So you are going to start clay sculpturing again. Good for you. What sortof things have you liked to sculpture in the past? If you have no fixed ideas, can you Google clay sculpturing and get some ideas there, or maybe just let the clay and your imagination do the sculpturing without planning too much in advance what you will create.

Keep trying your best, your positive attitude and wanting to make your life different will take you on a different journey to the one you have experienced so far.

Where to start? You have already started! Build on the differences and positive changes you are making. Keep your parents in the loop and if you need help or advice from them, ask them.

I am so pleased you feel welcome here Liam, you are a part of our community here and the family at BB.

Take care and keep us posted. Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hi Mrs.Dools I realized I hadn't replied in a few days. I unfortunately return with bad news...but also some good news.
The bad news is my negative emotions, thoughts and opinions of myself haven't improved. I still blame myself for everything that happens. I'm also being bullied slightly, because I don't want to drink people are laughing at me and calling me a "party animal" and making jokes

The good news is because of all this I have decided to see a professional youth cousenllor/psychologist to try and face these emotions. I just have to wait for a time.

Thank you very much, will keep you posted

[Doolhof]

Dear Liam,

Hi. Thanks for the update. I have been away for a few days visiting my parents. It was one of the best times I have had with them ever, so I am really happy about that.

Congratulations to you for standing up to others and stating you are not going to drink alcohol. I hope you have the strength to stand strong and only drink alcohol if you want to. You show so much more maturity than those others who think they need to drink to be accepted and to have fun.

At my 50th Birthday I had a wonderful evening singing karaoke, dancing and chatting with everyone with not a drop of alcohol, while my husband and his mates sat and drank themselves stupid. My husband was unable to make a speech on my behalf because of all he had drank and can remember very little of my party. I can remember all of it and had a wonderful time.

Congratulations also for finding a professional to chat with. I hope you can get in to see them soon. In the mean time, continue to share your journey here, with your parents and other people who are supporting you.

I just had a thought of a way you may be bale to build up your self confidence. Are there any martial arts groups near you? I'm not suggesting you use this as a way of defending yourself, but as a type of exercise to help you gain self confidence, meet other people, and to do something out of the box so to speak.

How is the clay modelling going? I have been inspired by my Mum to get back into some of my craft again. Being involved in something creative helps to lift the spirits as well.

Thinking of you Liam, and feeling so proud that you stand up for what you believe in.

Cheers to you, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hi Mrs.Dools

In response to some of the questions,

I haven't actually been able to make a sculpture, I feel that I've become upset to the point where I don't enjoy my old hobbies as I find myself sitting there confused having no clue what to do and almost crying several times, I almost considered quitting the play I'm in, that was the final straw in me deciding I needed to see a professional NOTE: I haven't quit the play and most likely won't

I've never been a sport kid, I do enjoy walking a lot but something like Material Arts is really not me.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened at your party! But I'm glad to hear that yourself had a good time and glad you enjoyed the visit with your parents.

Liam

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

I'm sorry to read you have found yourself in a place where you are not able to enjoy your usual hobbies at present. I do understand that sense of frustration, confusion, inability and sadness when you really want to achieve something but you are unable to do so.

Just let your hobbies go for a while and try again on a good day and see if you can achieve something then. Don't strive to create a masterpiece straight away, work on something small and then build up to a more complicated design. Once you have achieved a small project, your self esteem and self worth will grow and you will feel better about yourself and your achievements.

Congratulations for sticking with the play. I attended our Country Fire Service training last night, for the first time in months. I had not been going due to my depression and stress levels, but when I was there last night I really appreciated the fact I had joined the group again.

Regarding my party, I can choose to remember the excellent time I had and appreciate all of my friends who attended and gave me some beautiful gifts, or I can think of my husband and his mates and their behaviour. I choose to remember the fun and happiness I had that evening.

It isn't easy letting go of negative thoughts, but I try to accept what has happened and move on with more pleasant recollections of the event or happening.

While you are waiting for your appointment, you could try the webchat listed at the top of this page and continue to share how you are feeling and coping here. Don't let stuff build up too much before you share it with someone. Getting thoughts, emotions and feelings off your chest so to speak certainly helps!

Wishing you well with all you are trying to do to help yourself, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hi Mrs.Dools,

Just writing to let you know my parents are calling a GP/Doctor tomorrow, so I should be getting some help real soon.

Thanks,Liam

[NicoleP]

Am pleased to hear that Liam. Let us know how it goes if you feel comfortable doing thatthat

[Liam007]

I will most certainly let you know, thank you. I'll keep posting here as time goes on in the meantime. Good or bad, the worst thing I can do is stay silent

[Doolhof]

Dear Liam,

Hi. I am so pleased your parents are helping you by organising a Drs appointment for you. Are they going to attend the appointment, or are they going to let you go in by yourself?

My niece was having a lot of trouble with her mental health. Her Mum made an appointment, went in with my niece to see the Dr. and help explain the situation from a Mum's point of view, then left the room and let my niece tell her side of the story.

You sound to me like you know what the problem is, so you may not need your Mum or Dad's assistance. It depends on if you can tell the Dr. exactly how you are feeling. You have choices here, ask your parents to be present if you need them to be.

Yes, please do keep writing and sharing what ever you need to Liam. Please do not feel like there is a limit to how much you can share, or how many times you can send a post. If this form of communication and support is helping you, keep it up!

There is nothing worse for me than thinking that no one has the time to care about how I am feeling. Here at BB you have a whole "family" and community of people who are wanting you to get better, and wanting to help, advise, support and assist you.

I congratulate you Liam for being honest to yourself, for recognising you need help and assistance right now and for wanting your life to be better than it is right now. Well done to you!

Please let us know how you get on with the appointment. It might feel difficult to talk to the Dr at first, but hopefully you will be able to convey how you are feeling. Remember the Dr is there to help you!

Thinking of you Liam, from Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Hi Mrs.Dools

Saw the doctor, no need for diagnosis or medication, just appear to be very upset and need someone to talk to. So that's being sorted...

I quit the play unfortunately, the rehearsals were running late and it was making me tired. Being upset and tired is not a good combination, plus it was just too much pressure, at first I just had two scenes to perform but after they added learning a musical instrument and then moving large chunks of the scenery I felt it was too much too soon.

On the bright side,

Someone secretly reported a kid who was bullying me, not sure who but obviously someone that cares enough.

I'll keep you posted, I'm kinda in a bad spot in the moment because of the disappointment with the play. But I still have my school one which is far more relaxed.

Cheers, Liam