Feeling ashamed to be a White Male

[KFPDW]

I'm a male myself and I have NEVER EVER been sexist or disrespectful or racist to anyone ever. Not now, not EVER!!!! But I feel like what ever I come across in media, it feels like all I hear is "White Males Are Bad". When I watch shows like Charmed and I come across certain scenes where Males are regarded as bad people, it makes me feel uncomfortable. You got shows like the Neighbourhood sitcom that I came across where they cover racism where a black guy gets put in a jail cell for being black which is so NOT fair whatsoever. And the main lead says the police system is working the right way for white guys but not black people or any other culture. And white people will never understand whatsoever the pain other people go through. And they whole policeman beating up a black guy which leads to the black lives matter movement. 😞 I feel like I'm ashamed of all these bad things happening even though I have done NOTHING to do with anything of that bad stuff. But because of the long history I hear of white males doing bad stuff, I feel like I have to be responsible for that or feel as though it's my fault. It may sound silly but I feel like all I hear is White Males are bad and cause problems.

I feel like if I see someone in pain or needs help, I want to be able to help or show support no matter what their colour or background is. We are all still human beings after all and all this dumb bad stuff like racism and sexism shouldn't be around any more. Nor should it have existed in the first place. I hate the fact that bad stuff like this still happens and I feel helpless to see it pop up in media or fiction. I felt ashamed to be a white male so many times and my friend says I shouldn't, all that stuff isn't my fault and I shouldn't take on the responsibility of other people's actions that I don't even know. Focus on my own actions and what I can change. But because all that stuff happens, I feel like I get stuffed into a category where I'm a white male and are automatically the enemy. And no matter how hard I try to help and try to show that not all white males are bad, I feel like I can't make a positive difference. Like I'm powerless to make a positive change so people can see not all white males are bad people, or even white people in general. I want to be able to try and understand what others are going through as well as try to stop bad things from happening.

[KFPDW]

Thank you for sharing that piece of your family history. That is really cool to read about how the values of love and respect was passed down your family line. It's amazing how much one person can do. I'm glad you think that there are good white males out there. And yeah, it sucks that the bad ones pop up on the news more than the good ones.

Thank you so much for your kind response. 😄

[smallwolf]

Hello. Just thought I would throw in my 2c worth. There was a time in a group discussion when something like "men are bad" was used. And automatically I put myself into that group and at the same time thinking not all men are bad which would go down like a lead balloon if I voiced that opinion. It wass very easy for me to that I am not like them or how can you tar me with the same brush. And that is frustrating! But it that statement of a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

I am trying to think about what changed for me as I don't get triggered that much these days. And I think it is partially related to calling out what I might regard as acts of stupidity or just listening to another's story.

And maybe they will see you in a different light?

[Hanna3]

Hi Jeremy

You sound like such a lovely guy!

Your mum getting you into things like martial arts was a great move, things like that not only give you a skill and training but also respect from your peers, friends who share the same interest, and it builds up your self-esteem. Wise mother!

I often think a shy guy should learn to play a musical instrument like guitar as it's a good social skill to have to build confidence and make friends!

I'm sorry things were tough with your dad. That's hard.

I'm a fair bit older than you but you're the sort of young guy who gives me great hope for the future!

How do you train to be an animator? It must be fascinating!

There is a very good book by Jordan Peterson called 12 Rules for Life which you might like to read sometime because I think he gives some very good advice on how to live a good life and he specifically talks to young men. It was a huge best-seller and I wish I'd had the advice he gives when I was young and making decisions about my life.

Jeremy you sound great! Good on you!

🙂👍🙏

[KFPDW]

Looks like we've been in the same boat. I would recommend looking back on the various posts in this forum. All of them have been very uplifting and helpful to read. They add perspective to the whole situation which makes all the difference. It is easy to get stuck thinking we're part of the one group that is bad but I now know that isn't the case. 🙂

[KFPDW]

Aww thank you Hanna. That's very nice of you to say. I used to play trumpet back in primary and High school but I prefer working with my hands as a artist. I might pick up another instrument in the future for fun who knows? 🙂

And yeah, my mum is very wise. As for animation, I'm studying at Uni in a bachelor 2D animation degree course at the moment and learning what I can and practise when I can. It's awesome. 🙂 I also learn from video classes made by this former Disney animator Aaron Blaise, he does loads of animation videos to help those who are trying to learn. I mean that guy worked on movies like the Lion King (the animated one, not the live action one) so he knows what he's talking about.

I'll have a look at the book you suggested, sounds interesting. And it's good to know there are people like you out there who are really nice and good to talk to.

How about you? What kind of things are you into? 🙂

[Richardb3]

hey brah at the end of the day we are all human beings. no matter what skin colour, race, gender we are all homo sapiens. I don't understand the obsession with gender, sexuality and race when it comes to people committing crimes. If you do something terrible or something good, your gender and skin colour have absolutely nothing to do with it. Those are the least important characteristics of a human being. What matters is who you are as an individual.
 

[Hanna3]

Hi KFPDW,

Sorry I haven't been here. Studying to be an animator would be fantastic! Have you seen the way the old animators for the Disney studios (mickey mouse etc) used to draw the movements one drawing after another, amazing!

I'm into music - acoustic guitar, and singing and I learn Celtic harp, but I'm not too brilliant yet! I'm starting a bit late! I studied anthropology and philosophy at uni as an evening student and worked in hospitals during the day I was a nuse.

I must look and see if there are any utube videos about animators!

Lovely to chat!

🙂

[KFPDW]

Hey man, you and I are on the same page. I feel exactly the same way! We are all human beings and it feels like other people miss that fact a LOT. It is so refreshing to see someone else say that. 😄

[KFPDW]

Hey that's ok, I'm happy you got back to me. 🙂

Yeah, I love the behind the scenes stories of what went into making an animated film just as much as I enjoy watch the animated film itself. I hope I get to be a part of that some day. And there are loads of behind the scenes videos on YouTube so it's easy to find stuff on Walt Disney and other animators. 😄

And that's cool you are into music and studying those subjects at Uni. From that alone, I can tell you are a very intelligent person and a hard worker since you work as a nurse on top of everything else. So Cool. 😄

[chadicha]

Hey, I completely understand how you feel. Even though it has nothing to do with your own life and actions, you can still feel like you somewhat are contributing to the issue or are perceived in a different way and that can be burdening mentally just because of who you were born as. A lot of people can be quick to judge and assume and discriminate against you because you can be seen as 'privileged' in a way even if you don't find that to be true for yourself. I agree its totally unfair that people are quick to put you in a box, but you don't have to let them do that. They're assumptions have no power over you, because you know yourself they don't. Sometimes I fall into the same thinking habits where people might see me or assume my beliefs just because of how I look even though its far from the truth.

Always remember though, you know who you are society can never ever tell you! Those feelings aren't yours to claim, never was and never is!