Feel like everyone is judging me and putting me down. Feel the only resolution is finding a girlfriend to connect with.

[the_one_1]

Almost every where I am, I feel like someone is judging me and putting me down. I finished high school but I felt everyone there was judging me and putting me down, at home it doesn't stop and given that i've finished high school its just being at home and non stop being judged especially by my dad. Due to this, i'm doing what ever I can to get a girlfriend so that I have a way to avoid a bit of the judgement from my parents and get to be with someone who likes me. 

When I was at school everyone used to bully me and judge me about my likes and call me a creep. I like a sport called AFL, and where i'm from everyone calls it gay. I like planes also and everyone makes fun of me liking it saying there is going to be another 9/11 attack because of me liking it and how I wanted to become a pilot (i had a plan of being a pilot, but this made me change my mind on my future), due to this judging it has led to me being isolated and having no one to talk to. I end up keeping quiet but want to talk to others so I stand in my group and try and be included in conversations, instead nothing of my liking comes across and I end up standing there with people calling me creep. Also, I'm an only child, I have no brothers and sisters to talk to and be with and ask for help.

It doesn't just stop at school but also carries on at home. Now that high school is over, i'm stuck at home all the time with no one to be with. I feel my dad is the one causing all my problems. My mum always talks to me about her problems with my dad causing me to be associated with the whole situation which I try to avoid. I can't do anything, my dad gets easily angry at small things and pushes all his anger that is usually directed towards my mum to me. My dad always judges me telling me that i'm not good at anything or that i'm not doing something when i am doing it. 

Now, to try and avoid all these problems I am trying to get a girlfriend, but due to being isolated in talking about my likes. I can't really make any conversations because I don't want to be judged by anyone. Then when I finely get the guts to do something about it, I get rejected and it makes things worse because i'm stuck in the hole of my problems and can't get out. I'm starting to feel life is just full of non stop disappointments and I just want either my life to end in a car or plane crash or for it to stop some way...

[Meg_676]

Try pushing yourself out of your comforts zone a little at school. i don't mean go up and start a random conversation with someone you not comfortable with. try wearing something you like but you think people will judge you for wearing it and then at the end of the day remind yourself that it was OK and that you weren't physically hurt and  you didn't actually hear anyone say anything about me. then do the same the next day small steps are what works and finding a girlfriend doesn't always help but you could find new friends and eventually you won't care what people think about you.

[ThousandMiles]

First of all, I think everyone feels creepy and awkward when trying to involve themselves in conversations at some stage, particularly if they're going through depression, suffering from low self-esteem, etc. 
But a rule of life = you are almost never as creepy as you think you are. Same goes with your smile, your compliments, your laugh... people are happy to receive your kindness, your presence, and your happiness. We are all social beings (even if socialising is yucky sometimes XD), so we appreciate the company of others. Remember that when you're worrying about people thinking you're creepy ^_^ 

Secondly... being in a relationship will not solve your problems, I'm sorry to break it to you 😕 Yes, the honeymoon phase of it would boost your self-esteem, and it might make you feel more empowered, and can have benefits such as connecting with someone on an intimate level, talking to someone about deep things, etc. 
BUT a person going through a tough time + a relationship = just a person going through a tough time in a relationship. It's not magic. I made that mistake a while ago...
And relationships come with their own set of problems, too, which could make you feel worse.

My advice to you is cliche, but valid. Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. However, since you are lonely, I think the advice people have given you about making some new friends by putting yourself out there is good. Try joining a club, or even a support group, to mix up your social interactions. Or even just people-watch in a cafe or library or park by yourself, get used to the ebb and flow of the passing crowds. It can make you feel more comfortable around people 🙂

Good luck, and I hope you get through these horrible feelings x