Feel like everyone is judging me and putting me down. Feel the only resolution is finding a girlfriend to connect with.

[the_one_1]

Almost every where I am, I feel like someone is judging me and putting me down. I finished high school but I felt everyone there was judging me and putting me down, at home it doesn't stop and given that i've finished high school its just being at home and non stop being judged especially by my dad. Due to this, i'm doing what ever I can to get a girlfriend so that I have a way to avoid a bit of the judgement from my parents and get to be with someone who likes me. 

When I was at school everyone used to bully me and judge me about my likes and call me a creep. I like a sport called AFL, and where i'm from everyone calls it gay. I like planes also and everyone makes fun of me liking it saying there is going to be another 9/11 attack because of me liking it and how I wanted to become a pilot (i had a plan of being a pilot, but this made me change my mind on my future), due to this judging it has led to me being isolated and having no one to talk to. I end up keeping quiet but want to talk to others so I stand in my group and try and be included in conversations, instead nothing of my liking comes across and I end up standing there with people calling me creep. Also, I'm an only child, I have no brothers and sisters to talk to and be with and ask for help.

It doesn't just stop at school but also carries on at home. Now that high school is over, i'm stuck at home all the time with no one to be with. I feel my dad is the one causing all my problems. My mum always talks to me about her problems with my dad causing me to be associated with the whole situation which I try to avoid. I can't do anything, my dad gets easily angry at small things and pushes all his anger that is usually directed towards my mum to me. My dad always judges me telling me that i'm not good at anything or that i'm not doing something when i am doing it. 

Now, to try and avoid all these problems I am trying to get a girlfriend, but due to being isolated in talking about my likes. I can't really make any conversations because I don't want to be judged by anyone. Then when I finely get the guts to do something about it, I get rejected and it makes things worse because i'm stuck in the hole of my problems and can't get out. I'm starting to feel life is just full of non stop disappointments and I just want either my life to end in a car or plane crash or for it to stop some way...

[Cassandra]

It sounds like you're in a pretty miserable situation. I'm going to give you the typical suggestion that most people hate. Look in to finding some kind of group in your area or online, something related to your interests. It might not seem like it now whilst you're going through it, but the people who are putting you down and making you feel like sh*t don't matter. At the end of the day they go home, climb into bed an reflect on their perceived problems. They don't laugh to themselves about you and your interests, because they're too caught up with their own insecurities. It sounds cliche but its true. I used to be one of those people who constantly judged others, and at the end of the day I was miserable and none of the things I judged others for mattered. It wasn't about them, it was my own insecurities.

As long as no one gets hurt, you should feel free to pursue what makes you happy. Always put yourself first, and forget about everyone and their narrow opinions. Don't buy in to it.

I. Relation to the gf, have you tried online dating? It's great for meeting new people, and most people are friendly. I recommend okcupid, I've met some great friends there.

I hope things get better for you. If you were to die today then there would be no chance of everything improving, you never know when your life will turn a corner.

[JessF]

Hi the_one_1, do you live anywhere near to your favourite AFL team? Maybe you could join the cheer squad. You'd meet loads of like minded fans there and maybe even a girlfriend.

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

I don't think you should think of a girlfriend as a magic cure-all.  Women come with their own problems.  They're all soulless lunatics.  They will shatter your heart on Thursday and then patch it together with wily smiles and loving gestures on Friday, just in time for Saturday's re-shattering, and then they will poo on a pheasant just because.  They will misunderstand you all over the place, and you'll misunderstand them doubly so.

It doesn't tend to work out very well when people start out on a romantic endeavour with the attitude "I need a girlfriend".  Because it means you're desperate.  Girls hate that.  It means if you do manage to get one, you'll be very attached to her (girls hate that) because she's the only source of happiness you have, and you'll be overly nice to her (girls get bored of that), and you'll be worried about her leaving you all the time (girls hate that).  I also don't think it's a very genuine kind of romance if you're only in it because you don't want to be alone.

You should join some clubs to do with the AFL and plane stuff.  And get a job, too.  This kind of negates most of what I've just said, but.. you might meet a nice girl there!

[Cassandra]

Haha, Odin's Beard is right, we are all souless lunatics. Getting into a relationship simply because you want a girlfriend/are lonely rarely works. My ex was nice enough, but he was only with me because he was scared to be alone and it negatively affected the relationship, it just wasn't going to work. Sure you'll feel better for a little while, but when it inevitably ends you'll come out of it far worse. 

I'm not sure if my previous reply helps, I wrote it at ridiculous o'clock so there's not a huge chance that it makes much sense. I do hope things get better for you though.

[the_one_1]

Thanks for your replies everyone…

I know what you mean that if I end up breaking up with a girl it will be worse but the truth is I know relationship are not forever that when I enter a relationship, I won't end up getting married with her. What I mean that it will help me is that I will get a girlfriend, and if I'm right, she will introduce me to her friends, thus gaining friends who accept me because of being me because I'm in a relationship with their friend. Then if the relationship does end, i'm not the type to stop being friends with the person. I will stay a friend with the girl I was in a relationship with and even be friends with her friends unless I really stuff up and they don't want to know me… Then I'm sought of at square one again, but by then by family problems would finish.

[JessF]

It doesn't really work like that... sometimes when relationships end, the most difficult bit is what happens to your mutual friends.  If they're all people you met through her, it can end up very awkward.  And then what happens when she gets another boyfriend?

Getting a girlfriend to expand your social circle is no better reason to get a girlfriend because you are lonely.  The best way to end up finding a girlfriend is to expand your own circle of friends through being social - through the things you're interested in (theres no shortage of people interested in footy and aviation) - and from there you are bound to meet someone on equal footing.

[the_one_1]

Then thats it… There is no fix to my problem… I can't join anything, you have no idea how difficult it is to push my parents into me joining something that costs money and also things my parents believe no one likes… I'M STUCK!!!

so, thank you for not much help at all

:'(

[Cassandra]

You're in a tough place right now, but lashing out wont help. What about joining online groups so you can chat with people who share your interests? You could develop great friendships online that could transfer to IRL.

Have you considered getting a job? You'll definitely meet people through work and you can afford to pay for the clubs/groups that you choose. Hey, you could meet your future gf through work!

[JessF]

I'm sorry if what I said upsets you. There is always more than one solution to every problem, but I think what's happened is that you've decided that there is only one solution; to get a girlfriend. We've just been trying to suggest that maybe for what you're looking for - to find friends who like and respect you for you - that that idea might not work out so well if it's the only thing you do.  Cassandra's idea is a good one, you can make great friends through work.  And a lot of social and sports clubs don't cost a lot of money (or any) to join.