extreme pre-exam stress

[C74]

Growing up, I was never one of those diligent kids; you know the type. Those that go around holding massive organised binders with highlighted notes and study timetables... I would show up to class, occasionally listen, and binge study the night before; strangely, I managed to get by until year 11, when my grades began dropping quite extremely.

This year, I am in year 12, the final grade of school. Afterwards, it's university where my life can truly begin, and I can mostly be independent and free. But before then, there's this hurdle I must cross; the HSC.

The moment 2019 began, something clicked and I felt this resolve; I must study hard, I must work to get the best results I possibly can. Surely that's great, ambition is key to success and all that, right? Nope.

I've heard stories of people who've gone overboard, and I've always pushed that aside. People told me that you should always put your health and wellbeing above studying and they're definitely right, as I've learnt much too late. Now I've fallen into a deep dark hole that I can't get out of.

The start of the year was great; I made sure I slept at 10:30pm, I kept a diary, I made sure most of my homework was done and studied hard over the monthlong summer holidays. Alas, it wasn't enough. <- Result of me being too lax throughout year 11

Now I'm in the middle of my assessment block, which'll go on until end of next week. We get ranks in these. As a result, I'm finding myself studying until 3-4am, I'm studying on the train, I'm skipping meals to study, I don't take breaks... Incredibly unhealthy. I've been suffering from low blood sugar levels, and now I've fainted twice in public from fatigue, and fell onto hard concrete both times so I've currently sustained injuries on my arms, legs and fingers (making it difficult to write fast). Not long ago, something happened (not going to go into much detail, it's not too relevant) which wasted an hour of my time. I had a completely mental breakdown, and refused to eat dinner, sobbing and panicking in the fear that people may have 'caught up' to me in that one hour. I have a stomach ulcer as a result of skipping meals, and the pain worsens when I'm hungry. Yet despite starving from skipping meals, I felt as if I had to catch up due to that lost hour. Just that one mere hour.

I have gone from overly lax to excessively stressed. I can't help it, and I don't know what to do. If anyone could leave advice, I would so grateful. I just can't go on like this.

C74

[C74]

I don't think he cares about me anyways... I recently injured my leg really badly when doing an errand for him, and ended up being unable to walk properly for a whole week (I still managed to get to school by myself, in great pain, while people kept asking me why I turned up to school in such a state). All I got from him was yelling, and anger that I can't "learn to be tougher" and that when he was younger, he suffered worse.... like, really?

Above that, he keeps inviting his friends over to talk, and they don't leave until very late so I'm left waiting until 10pm for them to leave just so that I can have dinner. He also puts so much emphasis on me sitting in my room working yet thinks it is okay to watch extremely loud videos in his room? It's extremely distracting. Above that, he is a heavy smoker so the smell is constantly wafting in the room when I'm trying to memorise English quotes.

Oh, and to top it off, my parents don't let me go to the library because it's a 'waste of time travelling there'.

I literally am out of options at this point...

[Summer Rose]

Hi C74

I'm so disappointed to learn about how your dad is behaving. He really is unhelpful to you and your studies and I'm sorry that you are being poorly treated. You deserve so much more.

Unfortunately, you can't change him and you can't stop him talking about you. All you can change is how you react and your self-talk.

Try to block him out with an invisible wall. You've got to ignore the "noise" and try to stay focused.

Stay calm, no matter what. Give yourself some love. Tell yourself what you know in your heart to be true: whatever the number you will be okay.

You will find a way to get where you want to go. Could be direct, could be roundabout. It just doesn't matter. This is called resilience. It's not failure.

I know from my children's experience that the pressure is currently building. You are close to the finish line, just try to hang in.

Try to ensure you are getting adequate rest. Exercise regularly. Take lots of breaks. Drink lots of water. Remember to breathe.

How did the trial exam go?

Kind thoughts to you

[moomamoo]

Hi C74,

I'd just like to ask how you're going right now. I am a year 11 at a selective school (top in state aswell), who is also currently struggling to get by. Trials have just ended and I would like to know how you're feeling after this extremely stressful period.

I cant imagine what you're going through and I am so sorry for your situation right now, you really don't deserve any of this abuse at all, especially through such a stressful time. I dont want to assume anything, but I think you're a fellow Asian, and the culture is frustrating as all they seem to care about is marks.

Have you ever tried talking to your year adviser or a teacher that you trust? It may help alot as they may be able to find the help that you need. And also, you could try arrange study groups with your friends or your classes. It may help you and it also helps others as it clarifies what they know when they teach someone else. At this rate, I dont think you should think about how anyone else sees you, just focus on yourself.

About you not having an adequate space to study, does your school have a library that is open after school? I think its a good place to study at with no distractions.

Take this time to relax a little bit before the external HSC exams, and try to improve your health. I'm rooting for you!!

- CH

[C74]

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you for your valuable advice! And so far, trials are going as expected - I'm not sure if that's good or bad, considering my expectations were pretty low to begin with. I'm extremely nervous for my results, but there's nothing I can do for now except to study for the remaining two trial exams I have left.

I do have something I want to ask, however:

I have great difficulty in concentrating on tasks, and I always have. Whether it’s sitting down to study, or making sure I’m focussed in an exam, it’s always been an issue. Lately, its been getting more and more prominent now that I’m getting 3 hour exams which require focussing for long periods of time. I would start reading a question, and then I hear some small noise, whether it’s a bird chirping outside, or someone dropping their pen, and suddenly it’s like everything has gone out of my head. It makes me so mad at myself, because I can’t force myself to concentrate no matter what I do, and it really affects me in my exams. Would you happen to know any suggestions as to what I can do to prevent this from happening?

I’ve spoken to people about this, teachers, tutors, a careers advisor… many of them suspect things such as ADHD, and said maybe I should get “checked up on it” but I have no idea how to do so, and likely won’t be able to get it “checked out” since I don’t have much time nor do I know who to see about this. In the case that I do have it, my school takes special measures (i.e. they put you in a special room by yourself, with no distractions, instead of an echoey hall with more than 100 students) which would really help me in my HSC. If I don’t, then I can rest assured that I haven’t been put at a disadvantage this whole time.

But I’m not sure, do you think this is worth acting upon, and would you know how to deal with it? 😞

Thank you,
C74

[C74]

Hi CH,

It’s nice to hear from a fellow selective school student (and asian ;D you were correct in your assumption)

Actually, although trials have ended for most schools, my school started ours a week later than other schools, so we don’t finish until the end of next week. Surprisingly, although I was really nervous right before trials begin, now that I’m in the middle of trials season, I don’t feel as bad! I think people put way too much emphasis on how stressful the trials are. After all, you’ve already learnt most of the content after task 3, so studying for trials is just a quick revision of topics you’ve probably already worked hard on before.

I think part of the reason I’m not as stressed as a lot of people in my grade is because I’ve sat a HSC exam before, as an accelerant. I saw how low my marks at school were, then saw how I still managed to scrape a band 6. So now, I know what to expect from my trial marks, and understand that it can be significantly lower than my actual marks.

Generally speaking though, this whole year, I generally haven’t been coping too well. But by posting through these forums, and talking regularly to one teacher in my school who I’ve known for most of my high school life, its been getting me through. I actually did used to go on weekly study groups with my friends. Eventually, however, my timetable got crowded because of all the extra tutoring I began to do, and since it’s trials, everyone becomes independent since your whole grade is competing against each other. As a result, we stopped forming study groups, and I stopped sharing my notes. It sounds horrible, but TBH the environment gets kind of toxic around trials for everyone, especially in a selective school, since it’s particularly competitive.

I have tried studying in my school, and it has proven very effective. Unfortunately, my parents usually demand I come straight home if I don’t have tutoring, which is quite a pain. I do spend some lunchtimes at school studying in the library though, so that’s quite nice.

And yes, I’m looking so forward to taking a small break after my trials are over! Again, it was really nice hearing from you. I notice you mentioned you were also struggling to get by - if there’s anything you want to know about year 12, or if you want any advice, I’d be more than happy to answer anything 🙂

C74

[Summer Rose]

Hi C74

I was so pleased to read your most recent post, as you sounded quite positive. Glad you are getting through the trials. You can do this. You are doing it.

With regard to special consideration for exams, there is an application process to follow through the HSC governing body. Provisions like a separate room, extra time, even a scribe, are available to students with a disability.

The disability needs to be professionally diagnosed and then you apply online but you must provide proof. The type of focus and distraction issues you have described could very well be ADHD or could also be anxiety or something else. I really can't say, as I am not a doctor.

A psychologist would likely be the type of practitioner required to make a diagnosis. However, having said all that, I suspect the deadline for lodging an application would have passed, although you can check this at the HSC website or at school.

Your best bet may be to prepare to avoid the noise distraction. I suggest wearing ear plugs (you can buy them at the chemist) or putting cotton wool in your ears. This will block out a lot of noise.

A good night's sleep, healthy breakfast, lunch and snacks and lots of water will also help you stay focused. And, in those moments where everything flies out of your head, close your eyes and take some really slow, deep breaths, as this will help you come back into the moment.

Pop in and see your school counsellor as he/she may have some ideas too.

Really proud of you. You are doing an amazing job.

Kind thoughts to you

[C74]

Hi Summer Rose,


Growing up, I had a lot of trouble leaving my mother. The first time I went a whole day without her, I couldn’t eat, and kept sobbing, wanting to go home. I dreaded school camp, I’d cry at night… even as I’ve gotten older, going to school camps, I’ve grown accustomed to calling my mum every single night to let her know I was ok. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more independent, and something I’ve always wanted to do was to move out (as I voiced a few months ago). This is still something I really want to do, and I’m 100% sure I am capable of doing. I’m committed to my work (I have had a job for 1.5 years before), I can cook, do my own laundry… and anytime I’m set a task, I always manage to go ahead and conquer it. My mother has always said I’m very capable at this, and always says that I do my chores really well.


Here’s where the story begins. As you mentioned you’re a mother, I’d really like to ask something from a mother’s point of view…


When I was having dinner, the topic of university came out, and I began talking about what I’d like to do in uni, and how I’ll feel a lot more free once I’m done with high school. I then began talking about my plans to move out, and how much I desire to live independently. My dad and I fight a lot, and since he’s legally allowed to kick me out once I’m 18, I also mentioned how moving out will probably prevent the issue of being kicked out (If it were ever to happen, I’d have no one’s house to crash because none of my friends are moving out, the family I have in Australia have bad blood with us and the rest of my family is in China). I was saying how if I get accepted into medicine in a different state, I will inevitably have to move (I am applying to every single state in Australia).


I was also talking about how I think it’s really important that I move out, even if it’s just for one year, so I can at least have a taste of what it’ll be like to live alone so I can better prepare myself in the future, when I inevitably get my own house. Getting my own house is a topic I’ve also been talking about a lot lately, and I’m constantly asking my mum about how things such at mortgage and loans work, because the sooner I understand, the better.

[C74]

(sorry, the whole thing didn't post earlier for some reason)

Anyways, I looked over at my mum, and to my alarm, she was tearing up. I quickly backtracked and told her that if she wanted, I could move somewhere really close to where she is, so that I could visit her every week. She then said in a shaky voice that she knows I’m capable of looking after myself, but that I’ll find out it’s more difficult than I think. I agree, but it’s part of the reason why I want to move out - just so I can really get a feel for how difficult it is, and that way I won’t be too shocked when I actually move out for good.


I was just wondering why my mum reacted that way, and what I might’ve done to upset her? I get the feeling it might be a mother thing, me growing up, moving further apart from her… But I’m not too sure. Any possibilities as to why she got upset would help, because I feel bad 😞


Thank you,
C74

[Summer Rose]

Hi C74

Nice to hear from you again.

Rest assured, you have done nothing wrong by expressing a desire to move out. My son was exactly like you and I was like your mum. Teary.

You see, as our children grow up they go through many milestones- moving from a crib to a bed, going to school, going away to camp, taking public transport for the first time, etc-and with each accomplishment they move closer to independence and away from needing their mum. To be honest, they are bitter/sweet moments.

When my son moved out (second year uni) I was happy for him, proud and also a little sad. I got over it and grew to love his visits.

He's moved back home now (too expensive as he's saving up for a year of travel) and he's a different young man. It was good for him and a natural part of growing up and when you're ready it will be good for you too.

Give mum some time to adjust to the idea. If I were you, I would concentrate on your studies and focus on this issue after exams. You've got enough on your plate already.

How are things with your father? What did he think about you moving out?

Kind thoughts to you

[moomamoo]

Hi C74

It's nice to know that you're doing quite well right now! Hope you're taking the time to relax a little and catch up on some sleep!

Oh boi. My prelims start on monday and I am quite stressed and unprepared. I'm actually scared that I'm not gonna pass one of my exams ( under 50%) bc I've kinda been slacking and not really paying attention in class oops. I know its "just year 11", but I'm so scared of disappointing and what if I'm not allowed to continue the subject into next year. idkkkk im just quite stressed.

I already got an N warning for a subject which I'm dropping next year, so I've already disappointed. I'm scared that if i fail my exam for a subject im NOT dropping i might not be legible to do the hsc. I just hadhjaskdhljadHKJhkld

But yeah. Just wanted to ask if you have any tips for learning the whole syllabus in 2 days thanks. (this is so unreasonable what am i doing with life)

Also about moving away for Uni, my sibling does Medicine at Uni so he lives near his campus, but he does come back every fortnight or so. My mum also did cry when he left for the first time, just bc she realised he was growing up so quick. I think its just a natural response, just as SummerRose said, so theres no need to worry.

Hope to hear from you 😄