Hi Paigey123 and welcome to the forums.
I think many people here will relate to how you're feeling, I know I do.
I'm not attractive. And need to lose weight to boot. Have always been this way and felt hideous. Even before I noticed the male species. That just made it worse.
Then at uni I made a friend who I ended up sharing a unit with for years. She is gorgeous. The kind of gorgeous that when she crossed the street cars would stop even at a green light to stare. And it made me learn that being beautiful sucks too.
- People assumed she was stupid.
- She had few female friends and the ones who weren't jealous were mostly self absorbed and all about making themselves look hotter by having hot friends.
- Blokes assumed she was easy
- She had to work extra hard to be taken seriously at work
It was an eye opener. She is such a lovely person inside but noone cared about that. When you feel unwanted please keep in mind you're wanted by your best friend regardless of how you look.
It made me realise I may not be beautiful but that doesn't mean I am not attractive. Or wanted. She valued my friendship because I didn't care less about how she looked. I liked the substance within.
I am interesting in a different way and that's ok too. My husband always gets this look when I am babbling on about something I feel passionate about. He loves my enthusiasm and how I'm easily excited by simple things.
Saying that... I sincerely doubt you are hideous.
I think that it might be worth going back to the gp or psychologist who helped you manage your anorexia and having a talk about how the low self esteem is starting to bother you again.
You've managed your anorexia before and that is a fantastic achievement. But if this situation is making you feel bad about your body it is time to seek help.
I'm not sure if that helped at all. Felt like a ramble sorry.
I hope you can keep writing here and find some support to get you through this.
Nat
