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Am I good enough?
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So I have struggled with my mental health for years now, i am medicated and seek help from professionals when i can afford it. For the past couple of years i have been struggling with my confidence and whether or not i am good enough. I feel like a fraud, I feel like i always start things and never complete them because i actually know nothing. I know that i have completed somethings but in my head it just doesn't count. I feel like i always prevent myself from doing my best because, i don't know, i am scared of what others will think when i fail? I used to be alright at guitar, but i never gave myself the time because the others were better than i ever was so i didn't play as much, I dropped out of high school in year 11 because i couldn't see myself being capable of finishing, I got halfway through a TAFE course and then stopped because i felt like i was never going to remember anything and that everything i had done up until that point had been fake. I am doing another TAFE course at the moment, mostly to try prove to myself that maybe i can do it, but i get SO much help from my Mum and others around me that i feel like i actually don't know what i am doing and i'm very much unable to complete it without the help of others. (I know help is great, but i hate relying on it). All i want is to be able to believe in myself. i want a career that i love and i want to be/feel capable. I want to feel like the others around me, they are so amazing and confident in their work and life. I want to feel like i have a purpose in life, at the moment i just feel like i don't. Everyone else around me has plans and are working towards their career goals. While i am here going job to job, with no idea what i want to do and no belief that i'll ever be able to achieve anything.
I am just not sure what to do at this point. All I think about is this and if I will ever be good enough.
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Hi, welcome
So, imagine, you are a cleaner in a hospital. You think to yourself, a nurse is better than me, she cares for sick patients, a doctor is better than me because he makes patients mend, a surgeon ius better than me because he operates on patients.. ok, you get the idea, but the most important job in a hospital is a cleaner. The reason is simple- without them cleaning they'd be germs and Covid and diseases would spread to all those people I've mentioned.
In reading your post the one thing I picked up on was how you compare yourself to other people like a yardstick, as if they are all successful except yourself. This is not an ideal way to measure success. " I know that i have completed somethings but in my head it just doesn't count" This is a sign that you are not patting yourself on the back enough. To encourage yourself is to take a giant leap forward in self confidence and if you do it enough you'll be amazed at the result in the mid term. Please read the first post of the following article, its about a crisis I went through at 40yo , 27 years ago-
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999
Being over anxious about others views on your decisions/results etc is a challenge for you to reduce. That's where professionals are best to tackle. There is many things in life whereby satisfying yourself only is the major factor and what others think is not relevant. It's an age thing. We cant mature with every facet in life straight away as a young adult. The same with starting things and not finishing them. Be fair to yourself Emily.
Let's talk about what you are doing right. You have been seeing professional mental health staff (that's a major achievement, are you aware how many people dont get such help?). You are attempting another TAFE course- wow - your effort is worth more than the result of that course. (do you understand that principle?)
Finally, we cant all be rocket scientists. We shouldnt push ourselves to a level of study whereby our mental health suffers. Find your level of capability. It's ok to rethink your future
What do your think?
TonyWK
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HI emily_m,
Thanks for opening up here. It sounds like you're struggling alot with self belief and self esteem at the moment. This is actually quite common for people with mental health issues and something I struggled with for a long time as well. The best advice I can offer is to start off with small achievements. Something as simple as remembering to exercise once or twice a week. Or maybe finishing some tafe assessments on time. And when you achieve those tasks congratulate yourself and reward yourself. It's difficult but it takes time to build self esteem and you have to start with the small things. Like your relationships and your values. Journalling is great as it lets you track your day to day mood but also forces you to reflect on the day and what could have been done differently (and remember to give credit to yourself where it is due!).
Other than this, it is great that you have supportive people around you. Our relationships are so important to our self belief as they can motivate us and remind us that we capable of so much more than what we think sometimes. I would recommend catching up with a supportive friend or family member regularly if you are not actively seeing a psychologist at the moment.
For now, just focus on taking one step at a time. I'm sure once you finish your TAFE course, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and things will start to fall in the place. Unfortunately, as I said, it's just a waiting game sometimes.
Hope that helps.
Bob