25 feel like I’m having a qtr life crisis, lacking in hope and motivation to move forward

[Daniel12]

Hi there

I’m a 25 year old male whose single and I feel like I’m slowly hitting a wall each day. Things I used to enjoy don’t faze me anymore, my life seems like a repeating cycle of spending each day working but also replaying the same thoughts of being alone over and over again.

I have been trying to meet a partner and it is just a constant source of disappointment, I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel…online dating apps contribute to this as I do not get any matches at all and when I do it’s fleeting.

from the outside looking in it would seem I have a good social network but I do not feel part of anything and never have, I have no outlet and things I would do to distract myself are no longer working

I feel lost and do not have a clue who I am or are supposed to be, feelings of complete hopelessness are what I carry each down and I just spend most of the time flat and down although I can mask it around family.

I do not have any suicidal tendencies and I would not do anything like that for my family’s sake but I am questioning what is the purpose of everything I do when I just feel inherently alone

[Sophie_M]

Hi Daniel12,

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult lately and that you've been feeling so lost and alone. We understand how hard this must be, especially as you have been trying to put yourself out there and meet new people. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Adalaide]

Hi!

Let me start by saying that posting on a forum like this is a really great place to start in trying to find way to cope.

Life has a way of making everything feel endless and joyless, even if they’re things we should enjoy or that we used to enjoy. This can, unfortunately, feel worse when you have an extremely structured routine that feels like a trap. Something that I feel has really helped me is planning in some time to purposely go out and enjoy something unplanned.

The endless cycle of dating apps is so relatable to almost anyone. Dating is really difficult, especially during a pandemic when it’s really hard to organically meet someone, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Creating connections that feel meaningful is difficult and you should remember that everyone has this experience.

Overall I think you would have a lot of success seeing a professional for help! It seems daunting but I promise that finding those strategies to help you feel like a happier and healthier person all around is so worth it. Plus, I have yet to meet a mental health professional who is not incredible!

I hope the best for you and I’m sure you’ll make some incredible connections soon!

[KFPDW]

Hi Daniel, I wouldn't say I've had a qtr life crisis like you but I have felt flat in a similar way like you have described in your post. So I can relate in a way. Lockdown has not helped anyone lately in terms of getting on with their lives so you might find loads of people are feeling the same way as you do. Can't socialise and date in person because we have to stay away from each other on a regular basis. And I have found those dating apps are no good as it's not the ideal way to make a connection with someone on such a intimate basis. There are thousands upon thousands of people who use these kind of apps each day and the way they are designed, you only come across like maybe 1 or 2% of the amount of people who are also using the dating service per day. It's all algorithms and numbers, not people and personality. So don't let it get you down, it's not because you can't match with someone, it's because your profile is getting mixed in with so many other profiles and it's easy to get lost in the mix. It is no reflection on you or the kind of person you are. I agree with Adalaide that seeking professional mental health help or some sort of guidance help will give you the chance to work stuff out and help feel better about yourself.

I have a counsellor and she has been fantastic so far and it really makes all the world of difference. Hope this helps in some way. 🙂

[Daniel12]

Thank you all for responding I didn’t expect much response and it’s heartwarming to know there’s people out there that have experienced similar and are willing to talk. You all provide good advice.

I just see the people around me and who I have grown up with moving forward with their lives whereas I feel stuck in this cycle of waking up and working and spending most of the day with my head spinning about being alone and doing it all again the next day and the day after that and so on.

i seem to fall flat on my face everytime I try to date someone where I’m either cast away after a date or after a couple of dates the interest just seems to dissipate and people just disappear on me and I am left wondering what am I doing wrong, I try to be casual and be myself but as it happens everytime I start to question that this isn’t the right way to go and I try to act differently and like people around me but then it feels uncomfortable and from this I lose what it means to be myself and I don’t even recognise what makes me me anymore.

by nature I am more introverted than my friends that I have grown up around, all extroverted types, I am not necessarily shy just more quiet in nature. Whilst this sounds silly I can be shy/nervous about initiating intimacy with a woman and I prefer to take things a bit slower at first and the types of people I have grown up around are more the types to rush this side of things and as I continue to falter it makes me wonder that there is some severely wrong with my approach to this and I don’t know how or what is the best way to approach it when I meet someone I like.

I know people are suffering far more than me and I am thankful for the things I do have I am just struggling to find ways to motivate myself anymore

[Adalaide]

Hi Daniel!
I’m glad to hear that the responses you’ve received are helpful.

I wanted to say that you seem to be invalidating your own feelings which is not the most healthy mindset to have in this situation. I really recommend practising accepting and validating your feelings because even if they might seem insignificant in comparison to some other things, if they impede on your life then you deserve to feel what you’re feeling fully.

I also struggled with this so I can recommend some strategies to help with making your feelings feel less like complaints and more like real things that you’re going through. First, try writing down your feelings - whatever comes to mind just write it without considering how it would sound to someone. This not only helps with the validation, it also allows you to process exactly what’s happening in your mind!

When it comes to dating, I truly believe that when the time is right and the person who you will be happiest with comes around, a lot of the issues you have with feeling like you can’t make a connection will be much easier to deal with. The feeling of inadequacy, however, cannot be solved by any relationship, usually seeking professional help is the most effective method to mitigating this issue.

I hope this helps!

[Hanna3]

Hi Daniel

I just wanted to say - there are girls who really like shy, quiet guys! I was a shy girl myself and I always liked the shyer guys. The extravert ones overwhelmed me.

Plenty of girls find shyness in a guy attractive! It's rather charming.

So don't worry, just be friendly and kind and the right girl will like you.

You'll either meet a bubbly outgoing sort of girl who'll like you being quiet or a shy girl who will understand you. Either are good!

Relax! 🙂

[Daniel12]

Thanks for your replies, I appreciate it a lot!

I just feel like I’m a million miles away from where I want to be and I feel like I’ve lost what it means to be myself and it’s clouding my judgement when it comes to things like dating.

The feelings hard to describe because it’s really a nothing feeling, sort of like hitting a wall and having no real urge to push through it anymore.

I have tried speaking to someone professional but I felt like I was justifying the way I felt to them so they wouldn’t judge me as it felt that way

whilst my family network is very close I don’t feel like they fully understand me and I’m good at masking how I feel inside so I can operate properly day to day but the days seem to be me “operating” but hoping the day will be over soon so I can just go to bed and not interact with people

thanks again for the words of advice

[Hanna3]

Hi Daniel

That sounds like depression. Do you have much contact with friends or is that reduced due to lockdowns? What's happened to your study is that all online now?

The pandemic has been incredibly isolating and I'm wondering how much what youre feeling is due to that?

Or I may be totally wrong. I know it's all had a huge impact where I am.

Have you met anyone nice through the dating scene?

I just think these times have been very difficult. Sorry you're feeling this way. You can always chat here.

😊

[Daniel12]

Hi Hanna

Thanks for messaging and offer to talk

I have a small network of friends, from the outside looking in it would seem like I have a lot but I’ve never really felt I fit in.

I am only in contact if I make the effort and even then it takes a while for people to respond to me so that contributes to all of it as well as doesn’t seem like people really care to contact me.

The pandemic has definitely contributed because it’s been painstaking trying to meet someone in this climate and I feel pretty alone given my “friends” don’t really care to contact me or reply consistently

I have met a few nice people in the dating scene and some I am interested in definitely but it always seems to go the same way, after I meet them maybe a couple times and when I start to think maybe they are interested they basically go quiet on me and I am left scratching my head or the slowly take longer and longer to get back to me and it dissipates. With the people I have met whether they are interested somewhat or not it’s all the effort coming from my end and I never feel it being reciprocated.

Classic example ass recently met someone and everything was going well and they even said multiple times that we’ll catch up again and then sort of out of nowhere started taking longer and longer to reply and things like that. I know it’s a silly thing to complain about but the way my head is it just affects me because it’s a repeating cycle and I have no motivation to try again because I don’t see the point anymore.