Trying to stay strong

[Roadsy]

Hi. I've suffered depression on and off since I was seventeen. Most of it was triggered by situational circumstances and stress. I've had lots of therapy and mostly I can manage it. This year though has been very difficult for me. My three children 13 15 and 21 decided that they wanted to live with their dad. I did not take it well. He is not a bad person and is a good dad. Their are no rules at his house though. I did not and still can't feel ok about it. He is never been good at communicating and I feel as if I've lost my children and my rights as a parent.

Six weeks ago my father died . I spent the last six weeks of his life in my brothers house where he told me I was just there for myself. I said nothing and just grimes and bared it for my fathers sake

my sister who has always been very supportive is not coping with me and is grieving herself. the one time I lose my temper with her I get told I'm selfish and. abusive. I've decided for my own sake and probably theirs to cut ties for a while so now feeling very alone and afraid

[white knight]

Hi Roadsy, welcome

You certainly haven't lost your children. In fact you are just in a non custodial position your ex husband was in and many more people have to endure.

His house rules eg "no rules" is his decision but might not last long as time goes by.

What is mist important us that you should be happy with whatever makes your children happy. Always just be there for them and no pressure fir them to return. You said he's a good dad. You're lucky.

As for your brother and sister, they are also under stress and grief. Time out. Find some friends, hobby, sports, interests and divert your attention to other things.

Good luck.

Tony WK

[Wednesday]

Hi Roadsy,

I'm really pleased you came to the forum it's a great place to chat and work through things. You are not alone there are many people with lots of experience to help out. There is also the chatline 1300 22 4436 available 24/7. Have look around the site there is some interesting information too.

Losing your children and your dad are big things and it's no wonder you're feeling low. Do you see your children at all any more? Teenagers are a pretty tough audience and very good at playing mum and dad off against each other. Maybe you deserve a break for a while.

I'm a single parent with two now adult children who have had their ups and downs. Have some faith in the relationship you have built with them so far, they'll come back. Keep in touch with them, always let them know you are there for them and the door is always open. I used to say I always love you and I will be there for you but I don't always like your behaviour, when they were playing up. Teenagers aren't good at seeing the whole story their brains still have a way to go before they are fully developed, into their thirties would you believe! No rules probably sounds fabulous but it will come with consequences and they may not like those!

It's reassuring that their dad is a good one.

Obviously it all got too much with your sister. You were both grieving and needed support, which made it hard to give to the other. You've been family for a long time please don't cut off ties, it's really hard to pick them up again later. I know you probably feel that way because you are hurting so much right now, but take a breathe and go slowly. Are you up to an... I love, care about you and don't want to lose you call?

It's really important that you look after yourself, you need to be there for yourself and your children. Do you have some people around that are supportive? Are you eating and sleeping well? What can you do that is good for you, read spend time with a friend etc? Have you thought about having a chat with your doctor about how you are feeling?

If you feel like it come back and chat anytime. I hope something lovely happens for you soon to help you feel a little more loved and happy. 🙂