Suddenly feel insufferably lonely

[On The Road]

this is how I feel right now, not sure if this is the best place to post this...

these kinds of intrusive thoughts are scary, they are not the facts but they are linked to reality. Because I'm really lonely.

[mmMekitty]

Hello On the Road, (or OTR, if that's okay?)

Sometimes I have been surprised to hear extreme attitudes & opinions of people I thought I'd known fairly well. Sometimes I want to challenge the reasoning or that the views seem to have been not well thought out, when they are prejudiced, or discrimanatory, but I have felt too anxious about confrontations, about disagreeing with others & having my own voice heard. It's a dilemma.

A thing to remember is that friends who respect each other won't fall out of friendship over differences of opinion, beliefs, political views or other attit;udes. Instead, you ought to be able to expect to not have to argue, no shouting or aggression. You'd be able to have a calm discussion. You'd be able to at least agree to the fact that there is a disagreement.

Where what is said by someone is personally hurtful or offensive, if from a friend, you ought to be able to say what you feel & then their response, if not with understanding or compassion, could tell you what sort f friend this is. 

Some people are very closed & defensive of their views & will block any other perspectives, & I've found, the more you disagree, the more they cling to their views. It's as if they are secure with their views, & challenging them is frightening & makes them feel insecure.

All the same, your own views & perspective is deserving of respect.

It's such a difficult dilemma. It's why the saying about the three things people don't talk about together being sex, religion & politics. Things can get heated so easily.

I think this is where another response is to 'find your tribe' is an option. Not sure how, because I haven't been trying for years, & now I'm not sure what my tribe would look like, & where to find them.

Are there any social, community or volunteer groups around the area where you live, you could take an interest is?

I will be seeing you around.😺

💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[On The Road]

A supposedly peaceful night after storms and rains... 

Thanks a heap for your replies 😊 

[ecomama]

Hey OTR, how are you doing? 

I read back on your thread quite a bit. You definitely have many members who care deeply about you. 
Who care deeply about how you're doing too. 

It seems like "night time" is a loneliness trigger perhaps? 
Is this some thing you want to talk about? 

Also this thing about loneliness. I'm finding so many of my friends & family going through this EXACT feeling and sharing it for the first time in our relationships with me. 
I wonder is it because we are encouraged to open up honestly about our feelings MORE considering the push for us to focus on our MH more and more? meaning they've felt this way for a long time and only now are opening up? 
Or is it part of the landscape of "this world" now? ie with so much social media but fewer authentic IRL connections? 

Is it ALL of the above? 

IDK but what I DO know is that deeper, authentic connections have only occurred over long periods of time in most of my friendships. It takes TIME to slowly invest trust in this person. 
I have LOTS of friends including my fiance who don't share my political beliefs. I pick my battles for sure. But mostly I approach these one sided convos (lol) with a "you're okay / I'm okay" POV. I seldom share my POV with them, they know it already. But I allow them space to air theirs. 
I don't need my circle to agree with me on really anything! Except what's for dinner lol and then that's chancey too lol. 

We can develop deep relationships with people very different to us. In fact I think it's a must. Having an "echo chamber" is fine but also confining with extremism being the result. 

Love EM

[On The Road]

Hi ecomama, thanks for the reply. 😊 

I'm doing ok, just a bit down.. lots of things going on and I have been a bit struggling...

I think there's no echo chamber for me actually 😂  I understand that people have complex differences and individualities, but sometimes I wonder how come some ppl can be so closed and almost agree on everything 

Probably because of my personality, I'm an introvert and tend to isolate myself and find it difficult to maintain relationships with new people. 

Yes, the night is the loneliness trigger 😊

How are you tonight? 

[ecomama]

Tonight has been fine lol. Back to the working week tomorrow, it'll be a little different or VERY different, it's the nature of the beast at work lately. 

About to pick up kids from work, then will have a bath to help me wind down, then up at 5am again, take kids to work. my work - wash rinse repeat! 

I found night times to be a "dark" triggering time in the past too. 
I'm okay with it nowadays. I like doing my own thing at night but do have tons of housework to do every morning and night as well. I don't get much uninterrupted time to myself at all lol. 
Tonight, like last night for a while, I continued painting my new Buddha statue with nail polishes lol. 
He looks so fancy! I didn't realise how long this would take, probably many more nights of painting my Buddha yet - ughh. 
He's too pretty to go in the garden now lol. I want to see him every day! So he can live on my balcony. 
Do you have any hobbies or interests? 
Do you live alone? 
Do you have any pets? 
Have I asked too many questions? Lol. 

Introvert hey? There's room for everyone! 
I'm a natural extrovert but pretty much close myself off from just about everyone nowadays. 
I love a calm existence - it's elusive though! 

What's been going on? Here if you want to talk about it. 
Love EMxxxx

[On The Road]

Hi EM,

You have a busy life, a fulfilling life may I say?  😊  5 am good lord, how do you feel about it?

I'm not a big fan of housework, I mean how many people are, but I feel sometimes focusing on doing my housework is actually a time for myself, I keep to myself and think about life, past and future in general. 

How big is your Buddha statue?  and how are you gonna do that with the nail polishes? Would he be a rainbow Buddha?🙂  This reminds me of a temple in my hometown where I got to see many Buddha statues in line, solemn and sacred, definitely matches that place but not the backyard or balcony. 😂

I share a house with others but we never been closed, and no I don't have a pet lol

I do love calm existence, and I think it is not about where I live, but how I live and where my heart actually is. What do you think? 🙂

[ecomama]

Well OTR wow... I mean there could be a far deeper "connection to country" between us than I realised we may have. My "home town", really the entire country I was born in is saturated with Buddhas.
So SNAP lol. 

"I do love calm existence, and I think it is not about where I live, but how I live and where my heart actually is."
I think that's a beautiful view. 

I'm deeply connected to where I live atm. Many generations of my family lived, worked and raised our families here. I'm also attuned to my home country, hence the Asian decor, my gardening style and KILOS of rice we eat. 

I would say my life is tremendously rewarding in a nutshell lol. Fulfilling perhaps, IDK. I prefer to look at the glass half full to overflowing really. The only person missing is my partner who lives in the U.S. atm. We're planning for him to visit "soon" which means in the next 12 months lol. 

I'm in call 24/7 with this many kids. Fortunately I have ADHD so it's not so much of a hassle lol! 

OH MY BUDDHA, he's so beautiful. 
He's around 75cm tall at a guess. 
Hahaha I know... painting him with nail polish sounds so bizarre lol.
If you want to see the LOOK I'm going for, there's a beautiful clip that inspired me. It's on YouTube... "Hang Drum Massive 'The Kissing of the Moon and the Sun'" and there you see THE most spectacular Buddha I've ever seen. 
I think he's in Tibet? IDK. 
Each resting place in my garden has a Buddha sitting there with me. Soon my balcony will have this one. 

Love EM 

[mmMekitty]

Hi OTR, I'm so glad EM has talked with you - I've been so lax! I have not returned to this Discussion since early July.

Doesn't EM's Buddha sound wonderful?! (It would make a great avatar picure, EM, when you are finished painting),

I think, too, if you can find or create calmness & peace within yourself, that would be ideal. Only you can control your internal environment. You cannot control everything about your external environment. 

I used to like the nighttime, before my thoughts & emotions became so difficult & then the tinnitus & visual 'tinitus' (my term, for what's happening as my sight deteroiates, & random colours appear before me, as if between me & the real world), & then the physical discomfort & pain .. it's all so distracting from my efforts to feel calm & at peace. I used to like the darknes & quiet, being still, feeling comfortable. Now I distract myself from myself, with the audio books or music. I'd like to have more to take me away from what I physically feel, see & hear.

Being cold does not help one little bit. Indeed it makes me feel awful, & is a trigger in itself.

How have your nights been lately? When your night is troubled, what are the things you do to help yourself through them?

If it's my emotions bothering me, I usually get up, write down what it's all about, my feelings & thoughts about it, then & now. I see how my thoughts & feelings about the same memories of events & people, have changed over the years. I recognise I cope better than I did when I first began really to acknowledge these things & look at them, nearly 30 years ago. & how I got nowhere with them by denying & refusing to acknowledge I felt anything, & therefore, was fine.

You might think I've learned how to be patient, but no. In fact, I think I am more impatient. I don't want to be dealing with the first third of my life, all through the rest, who, knows, if I am to live into my 90s or older... ridiculous!

Warmly,

💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[On The Road]

Hi EM, 

Thanks for the reply. Glad to hear you're attuned to the culture of your home country. Do you grow Asian veggies in your garden, and what type of rice is your favourite? 🙂

I'm happy to see that you are doing quite well, and your enjoying your time with the kids!  hope you get to see your partner soon, the flight tickets are still costly at the moment I hope they'd return to normal later this year

I personally prefer a "half full" life that makes me content, while some ppl exhaust themselves to seek a fulfilling life... 

I check on Youtube about this, very nice and soothing music, and yes a spectacular Buddha!  I think the Buddha is in northern India.  

It'd make a great avatar picture like Mekitty said after you finish your painting!

How are you tonight Mekitty? I think we talked something about how to distract ourselves and find something cosy to do alone at night time. I turn to music, audiobook, and podcasts that provided soothing tunes and of course light-hearted contents 😸

but I don't write my feelings down, I never keep any diaries, recently I start to consider this as an option, I'm not sure how much it'd help me with my mental health. 

 I'm glad you've coped better!  and speaking of patience, there's another word I think it's more suit-in: Tolerance. what do you think of it? What I wanted to do is to deal with my emotions more wisely, but not to tolerate every single one of them! were you ever taught to tolerate your struggles and the following emotions?

some ppl, especially older males, have been taught to bottle up emotions when they were younger, as days go by, little devils accumulate to become a big demon, and at some point, they couldn't take it anymore.

[blondguy]

Hey On The Road

I hope you are doing okay....loneliness is an awful place to be in. Especially when we have anxiety and/or depression. (irrespective of the the severity) 

Opening up to others was always extremely difficult for me too OTR...This is my sixth year on the forums and the people and moderators are gentle. Yet the more support we provide to others the more support we receive in return...which has helped me so much

I hope your week has been good to you OTR

my kindest

Paul