Quarter Life Crisis

[LittleCloud1]

Hello listeners,

I'm going through a confusing time. I can't say anything is particularly wrong, I can't complain. But lately I have been overly irritable and having weird thoughts mainly around not being satisfied with my life at the moment. (I feel selfish just saying this) but I think the truth is, I'm putting too much pressure on myself to have it all together. I'm 25, I'll be 26 toward the end of the year and it makes me anxious. Whats my next step? Am I doing good enough? What should I focus on? If I don't settle down soon I'll never get married and have kids! I'm trying to focus on my career. I just started a new job which is a great opportunity and I have a lot of responsibility here which I actually love. But I feel sad when people ask me what I'm doing on the weekend and every weekend I sit at home or visit my parents and don't do much else. I do have animals (dogs, horses) and live alone which is a responsibility in itself and takes up my time too. I PROMISE I'm not a boring person. I'm actually really fun. But I don't have the energy for a social life. I don't actually care about having a lot of people around me. But when I do have people around me, I do enjoy myself. But I actually do feel like a loser and that I "should" be going out more, or I "should be dating. The truth is I'm not fazed about anything and I feel like I should be!

To add a spanner in the works, my dad recently went to the doctor and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression on a relatively high level. I guess I wasn't surprised. He has suppressed his feelings for years, I don't think he even knew he had depression and anxiety. He was in literal denial. But this has hit me hard emotionally. Mainly because I feel he had hid it from my family to protect us in some way. And that hurts. Because of my dad's behaviors, and the years and years of trying to convince him somethings wrong. The countless arguments with him because he's said or done something hurtful or out of sorts has put a wedge In my parents marriage. I guess it's all just getting to me! 

Anyone else going through or been through a tough time in their twenties where you're just lost!

LC 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

At 29yo I married a 19yo woman that turned out to be cruel, narcissistic and lazy. I regret rushing into marriage big time.

Nowadays computer dating has good reasons to pursue it. You narrow down the things you are compatible with, career, interests, appearance and even emotional needs. You'd meet 50 people in normal interaction to find that compatibility with 1 on computer dating. My daughter found her husband on the computer.

In regards to your dad being defiant about having depression is very common as people "feel" they aren't unwell. Worrying about him and other outside issues won't help you in your battles. The best help for them is for you to recover yourself and seek some stability. 

Google- beyondblue worry worry worry

In summary be more proactive seeking dating which can get exciting, try not to feel you are running out of time (you arent) and embark on extending your friendship with your dad but at the same time work on getting yourself better health wise.

I hope that helps.  Reply any time 

TonyWK 

[amd1953]

Hello LC, I've forgotten what it was like to be a twenty-something and I celebrated my 70th birthday earlier this year.   No one should feel like a loser because sometimes life throws things at us that sap our strength and make us feel as though we are falling behind.   I felt pretty much like you back then as though my life was slipping away from me because I was measuring myself against everyone else.   Now I realise that it wasn't necessary.   If you want a family and all the trimmings that go with it, I wish you all the luck in the world finding the right partner.   I have been married twice and both times I got burned badly.   But I regard it as my own fault, I was just too trusting.   I can see now that I really am a loner at heart and that all my efforts to find a mate were a futile attempt to feel normal.  I thought that was what I had to do to blend in with everyone else and be happy.   I learned all of my lessons the hardest way possible but I am a better and wiser man today for having been through the experience.   Of course, I would have been better off without the stress and emotional turmoil but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing.   I thought that was the price I had to pay for wanting to be normal.   Perhaps if you joined some sporting clubs you might meet someone nice there.   Just an idea.   I wish you all the luck in the world my friend.

[Mark Z.]

The quarter-life crisis is a period of uncertainty and self-doubt that most of us may experience including me. If you're feeling lost and overwhelmed, you're not alone.

It's important to recognise that feeling uncertain and questioning your life's direction is natural. Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. Our path will likely change over time, and that's okay. 

It's essential to set boundaries with work, family, and friends to protect your time and energy. Learn to say "no" when you need to and prioritise your own needs. This will help you maintain a healthy balance between your personal and professional life. Then you can take a step back and consider what truly matters to you, what are your values and goals, what do you want to achieve in life. Reflection will help but you need to give yourself more time. Explore new hobbies, activities, or social events to discover what brings you real HAPPINESS and FULFILLMENT.

It's also important to acknowledge the impact your father's diagnosis has had on you and your family. If you think it's possible, you can consider open conversations with your family to help process your feelings and navigate this challenging time together.

See this quarter-life crisis as an opportunity for self-discovery. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. Give yourself time and space, and trust that you'll find your way.

Mark