Struggling

[Guest_08277259]

I have always had depression and anxiety but just ignored it for a long time. I also block out certain painful things that happened in my life. Recently I am just so down and out. I just can’t do the basic things. Getting out of bed is a chore, showering, holding a conversation. I just feel like I am a failure and feel so alone. People around me think I am so strong and I’ll be alright. But I’m really not. I don’t no what to do any more. I recently quit my job as I just couldn’t do it. I feel so lost in life and that I am just floating through basic motions and no one is noticing that I’m drowning. I want to be happy I want to feel joy I want to live but nothing is helping. This can’t be all life is meant to be for me. 

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly challenging time in your life.

I think sometimes we can become so good at masking our struggles or else we can be surrounded by people who just aren't sensitive enough to be able to sense our struggles. So when it comes time to admit to certain people (who can possibly help) 'You know, I feel like I'm just twisting in the wind with no sense of direction and it's gotten to the point where it's become depressing' it can genuinely come as a shock to them. I've found there are 3 camps of people when it comes to such an admission. One will involve all the people who don't care. They'll be the types to say 'Toughen up. Life's hard, it's not meant to be easy'. They can be dismissive, unhelpful and even depressing at times. They'd have to be my least favourite. Then there are the people who try to care or they basically care but what they say or do really makes no difference. They might offer us compassion and words of encouragement, like 'You'll be right' or 'You'll be okay' or 'It upsets me to hear how much you're suffering' and then they pretty much leave it at that. Then there's the 3rd lot, the ones that make a difference. They're real raisers. They'll raise our consciousness, leading us to become more aware of what our struggles or challenges are really about. They'll raise our spirits, eliminating a sense of hopelessness. They'll raise us to revelations, possibilities and so much more. They're my favourite type of people, especially during times of great struggle. When it comes to occasional dark parts of our path in life, they'll not only shed light but also help lead the way.

As a 53yo gal, it took me more than 4 decades to work out there are some parts of life that can't be traveled alone. They're the parts that aren't designed for us to navigate without a guide or guidance. So the question becomes 'Who would be the best guide for the job, given the circumstances I face?'. Friend, family member, psychologist or someone else? Making it clear to the guide we need 'I'm struggling to do life right now' is so important. In other words 'Make your chosen guide conscious of your need for them'.

I once had a brilliant guide say to me 'You're on the verge'. If you can imagine you've just made your way through challenging territory and you're now standing at a cliff's edge, looking out onto an enormous expanse of unexplored territory. As this guide said to me 'That is where you're about to head, into unknown territory. You're questioning how to get there. Sometimes you gotta just take it all in, acknowledge there's no going back and then take leap of faith because you can't stand there forever'. A guide for unexplored territory becomes a must. Btw, I'm not a fan of the verge. It's messed with me in the past. It's 'the in between', the feeling of nothingness (between what was and what's going to be). It's a kind of limbo that can definitely become depressing the longer we stay there. There is more to life than what was. There is more to life than the verge.

[sbella02]

Hey there, thank you so much for reaching out. I've read Therising's reply, and I thoroughly agree with it all, so I'm here to echo this and offer my own thoughts.

I'm writing to you from the comfort of my bed, having just filled in my journal about similar thoughts that you're describing. My journal is a bit of a safe haven for me, and not only does it help me think through what I'm feeling and what I plan to do about it, but finishing an entry about something that's been heavy on my mind also comes with a sense of release and reassurance for me. It's very therapeutic. If you've not tried journalling before, or haven't in a while, I highly recommend it for making sense of difficult thoughts and also allowing yourself a space to express what you may be keeping inside. Thoughts can often get worse the longer we hold onto them. Letting them out, whether it's to somebody who will listen and bring us comfort or to the private pages of a personal book, can help you feel better. 

Is there anyone you'd feel comfortable talking to about this? Loved ones, a GP, therapist? In the same vein as journalling, expressing our thoughts to someone who either has insight into our lives or can offer professional advice can help us feel less alone and will often lessen the emotional burden. 

Sometimes, applauding ourselves for completion of simpler tasks can help. Even if it's something like getting out of bed, doing the dishes, or making toast, these small accomplishments can give us a sense of achievement. If we're holding beliefs such as "I am a failure" or "I can't do this", acknowledging our small achievements can be good for reducing the impact of these thoughts on our sense of self. 

Getting into the workforce once more after leaving it may be a big step at this stage, but I think it's something to keep in the back of your mind when you're feeling a little more strong and willing. Staying busy can help keep overthinking at bay. 

I hope this helps. I've struggled with similar thoughts and feelings at many points in my life, including now, so I'm happy to chat more  if you need more support. 

Take care, SB