Hi all
This is my first post...I am turning 37 soon and I don't know where the time has gone. Most of my late teens up until now I have masked my depression and anxiety with drugs and alcohol. For the most part, it worked. It got me through the lonely times and I managed to fake my way through work to find myself in positions of responsibility - further ramping up my anxiety. I've worked full time for the last 11 years and prior to that studied, worked and traveled. I can't say I haven't thus far led a full life, however I've never felt settled, like I'm chasing something that I HAVE to catch but I don't know what that something is. I still drink which up until the last year hasn't had an effect on my performance at work. I no longer have the emotional strength to carry on my role which was up until yesterday a team leader position. I stepped down which means I go back to a casual position - no work truck, no phone but no responsibilities either. Today I am feeling a mixture of emotions, failure, relief, exhaustion, stress in facing my colleagues who used to call me 'boss'... I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist next Friday and I know this is going to open a big can of worms from my childhood that I've always preferred to leave tightly closed/ignore the cans existence entirely but I feel there's not much further I can spiral without the unthinkable happening.
I've never reached out to an online community before, but after reading other brave, honest and relateable stories, I think I can push on that little bit more. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far. I look forward to hearing any feedback.
