social anxiety

[beader]

Hi, I go to a quilting class every week for 4 hours. I am in tears before I go and feel so stressed all the time I am there. I try to talk calm to myself but I shake and sweat while I am there. Then I burst into tears on the way home. This goes on every week. Its supposed to be enjoyable and this is the only time I get out and about with other people. I would like some help in dealing with this please. I am feeling so stressed over this.

[White_Rose]

Dear Beader

Hello. It's great you have come here, welcome.

Can you tell me why you go to the class? Is this something you want to do or was it someone else's idea? I ask because if you are not happy to go there it may be the reason for your anxiety. Even if you want to go perhaps you feel you do not do as well as others in the class. Do you think you can talk about this?

Is there a reason why this is your only outlet, the only time you talk to others? If you are unused to social gatherings this may be why you become anxious. It can seem alarming to be part of a group with all the interactions when you do not know anyone.

It really sounds like you are just not happy in the class. What do you think? Are you nervous because you think others are comparing your work to theirs and deciding yours is not up to scratch? Sorry about asking so many questions. It's because I am so uncertain why you feel like that. I was going to ask if you felt like that on any other occasions but if this is the only one then I guess the answer is no.

You can practice taking a deep breath or several breaths before you leave for the class, and again before you walk in the door. This will often help to slow down your breathing to allow more oxygen to get into your system. Once you are in the room do you continue to think about what is happening to you or join in the conversation. I know that can be tough when you are nervous.

I have just thought about the class. Is this the sort of class where someone stands at the front and tells you what to do, or is it a group of people doing their own thing, chatting to each other and helping each other. The first question is "Do you want to go to this class"? It's important to understand why you go as your reason may be why you are so anxious.

I will stop asking questions as they can make you nervous. Please only answer those you feel happy to respond to. I hope to hear from you again.

Mary

[beader]

Hi Mary, thank you for replying to me. This is the only place I go because I have no interest in other things. Anxiety has made me like this. It's hard to be in a big grooup of people laughing and talking when I feel so anxious and down. I am trying not to give up the class as I know I need to socialise otherwise I"d just be home all the time. I live with my husband who is understanding. We each do our own thing but help each other. I am quite good at machine embroidery and have made many lovely things. I used to have a market stall and sell handbags I made but my anxiety made me too tired and I just can't get the energy back.

[White_Rose]

Hello Beader

That constant tension between wanting to go somewhere and finding it hard to go. Anxiety is a pretty mean beast at times.

Have you talked to your GP about this? I wonder if you can get some medication to take off the worst part. Staying at home all the time may only serve to reinforce your anxiety so it's good you are making the attempt to get out especially doing something you enjoy. I have seen lots of machine embroidery and think it's lovely. Making fabric bags these days is right on target now we are being weaned off plastic. What a shame you had to give up your market stall.

Have you considered talking to a psychologist about your anxiety? At the very least it may help you to manage it.

Mary

[beader]

Well it's now March 2019 and I still feel exactly the same, in fact a little worse. I go to my class but I get so tired that I have to lie down for awhile. Anxiety and depression make me like this. I"m seeing a psychologist but it doesn't seem to help with this.

[IreneM]

Hi Beader

I must support all of Mary's suggestions, I do hand work as opposed to machine. I can relate to feeling like this in a class. Have you tried sitting somewhere where you can get some natural sunlight, whilst being sunmart at the same time? It can not only lift your mood but also relax you.

I would certainly feel the same way as you in a group setting but I agree with Mary that you need to start off slowly and I suggest speaking to your psychologist about social therapy. Let them know that this is a problem for you that you want to address.

You should also try and identify the reason why this class is a problem for you. Are you trying to compare yourself to others in the class? Are you ok with just one other person? Start off slowly and build, even if it means having someone else and yourself get together and practicing.

Try talking to your doctor/pharmacy about something for stress as long as they know any other supplements and medications that you take.

Take care

Irene.

[White_Rose]

Hello Beader

Good to hear from you again although I am sorry life is no better. Congratulations on still going. Many would have given up by now.

I can see why you are disappointed with having no improvements despite seeing a psychologist. I am presuming you have been seeing this psych for about five months, ever since you first wrote in here. Do you feel comfortable talking with this psych? It can be difficult to find someone that helps you to be relaxed and able to talk about the things that distress you. Sometimes you need to see another psychologist but that is not always possible, depending on where you live.

Have you discussed medication with the psych and/or your GP? I am not a fan of medication in general although I take an depressant every day and I do not want you to think I am trying to persuade you this is a good idea. It really is horses for courses. After many trials my GP finally found an antidepressant I could tolerate and that worked. It has been amazing how it has helped.

How are you getting on with the others in the group? Have you been able to talk to one or two people and feel less stressed? It is hard when everyone else seems to get on and you are the only one not enjoying yourself. A group of women meet at my home regularly. One of them is quilter and makes amazing things. I embroider and sew counted cross stitch. It helps to feel relaxed and I enjoy seeing the picture emerge on the fabric. I could spend all day sewing and like you I would be all day every day at home without even the company of a husband. We separated 19 years.

You are obviously a 'crafty' sort of person and find pleasure in producing lovely hand made items. There is someone at my church who makes bags using donated materials and the bags are sold at our annual fete. These bags are beautiful works of art. Such a shame you lost your market stall. Do you feel like trying to start again? Perhaps it would help if you had a friend with you on market days to talk to people when you get a little overwhelmed. Something to think about?

I know anxiety can be very debilitating but I wonder if there is any other underlying cause. Has your GP checked you out for a physical cause for being tired? Sometime psychological and physical reasons can get so tangled up it's hard to tell which is which. May I suggest you also consider your diet and exercise routine. Regular walking for example has a great positive impact on anxiety and you can do this on your own.

Mary

[beader]

Thank you for all your thoughts, I really appreciate it. Well it's June 2020 and I still feel the same. I've tried various anti-depressants but none of them have helped. Still battling with this anxiety and depression and still going to this class and feeling terrible