Self Discovery

[Irony]

I thought about why I am at a point where I need support and this is what I feel.

I moved here two years back and I still have no friends.I don't know how to go about making new friends not so much because I don't know how to join groups or activities but primarily because of how I feel about myself.
- I feel like my personality isn't interesting/worth getting to know
- I don't know what my passions and interests are any more. I feel disinterested in most topics.

With these i struggle to make and keep a connection.

My friends from back home are still my friends but I feel the lack of connection because I no longer know what is going on in their lives. I know that is partly because I don't ask questions often enough but I struggle with the realization that my existing friends don't view me as someone they want to reach out to and talk to about their lives. Is it because im a bad listener? Do I not show enough interest? I'm not sure.

When I do join some group calls with friends I often feel like the dumb one. I'm not aware enough of the current world, i dont have a strong enough opinions, i dont have anything to contribute, im not smart enough...all these thoughts run through my head and I become a spectator.

[Croix]

Dear Irony~

Welcome here to the Forum I guess you have decided to get support at just the right time.

First off I'd have to say that moving is a decidedly big task and may have more effect one one's life than anticipated. Not only are all the familiar thngs missing, from light switches to the local supermarket, but they all have to be learned anew.

Many of the supports you may have had, such as the layout of the rooms, facilities you can rely up and umpteen other things need to be substituted.

It is very stressful and often very lonely.

May I ask if you live alone?

Reading the things you say about yourself all seem to be to come down to the fact you no longer are happy with yourself, and in fact regard yourself as less than worthy. From there branches out feelings of not being an interesting companion, not getting enjoyment from the things you used to do and lack of connection with freinds -more than might be accounted for by distance.

Does this sound about right?

This all sounds very familiar, I had the lack of self-worth and disappointment in myself, together with becoming isolated and lacking enjoyment, no light on the horizon.

In my case it was caused by depression, whch is an illness that can strike anyone. I'm no doctor and can only point out similarities between us however I'd like to suggest two things:

The first is go see your GP in a long consultation (you may have to find a new doctor if you are too far from your old one) and say exactly how you have been feeling, and for how long. It may well be that you too have this illness, and if so treatment certainly can help to restore a more hopeful and enjoyable life.

I kept on going down until I got the correct medical support.

The other thing is to try to do something each day you can look forward to, even if only small. It does make a real difference. I promise myself I'll read a chapter in a book or look at a movie -it works over time pretty well, you start to get the feeling you are worth rewarding.

If you are not familiar with depression Beyond Blue has a lot of information here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression

which may be of some help, however you do need to see your doctor first, as I'm simply going on how I was.

If you would like to come back and talk some more I'd like that

Croix

[Irony]

Hi Croix

Thank you for your insight. I dont live alone. I live with my husband.

I took a look at the link you provided. As difficult as it is for me to say..I think you are right and I need to see a doctor. I relate with more symptoms than I originally thought.

Is it normal to find it hard to I admit that you have depression? As I type this question I can feel the stress rise up inside me.

[Freckles_Montgomery]

Hi Irony,

I can completely relate to your loneliness and loss of identity due to moving. I have moved with my husband 12 times now. Each time, it can take many years to settle in. Several of which there is lots of “Why aren’t I making friends?” Not all communities are the same. Some take an extended time to find your groove. And in the meantime, we feel downtrodden, alone, unloved, self worth at all time low. Then the depression kicks in. I also find I don’t recognise it and try to reject it. But it’s not forever and there’s options to weathering the storm. Anti depressants and psychology visits, pushing oneself to join social clubs (not really an option during covid), finding online support and friends.

I can clearly remember a sense of mourning the loss of my old friends after each move. Then we became quite nomadic, and now we relish our own space and time. We have focussed on home projects. I have worked hard to nurture my high school friends connections. We scheduled zoom meetings (first time ever). I touch base once a month or so. Note - I had to push myself to do this. And it group calls worry you or cause stress, can you choose just one trusted friend?

I wish you luck and please remember these feelings are temporary.

xx Mont

[Croix]

DearIrony

Of course it is hard to admit you might have depression. I guess if I look at myself it meant firstly I had an illness, which is inconvenient, takes time and is limiting - could be malaria, it would be the same. The second thing is it has exposed a response in me to circumstances that resulted in that illness. We all have vulnerabilities of one sort or another, a fact of life. We just don't like to think that.

In top of that is wondering if I would get over it (I'm pretty good nowadays), and I guess the last thing is interacting with others, how much of what to say, and how what they say would affect me.

That's all on the one side, on the other is the knowledge that like any illness it can be treated, and the earlier the better. Then those normal social contacts and all the rest become some much easier. In short you have improved life, hope and understanding.

I know you are far from your original home, do you have any support? Have you for example discussed this with your husband, and if so how did that get on? My wife was a source of love and her strenght more than I would have believed

I look forward to hearing from you again

Croix