Newbie with anxiety & depression wanting to vent. Feeling alone after watching my wife pass away last year.

Beno8 · ‎28-11-2021

Hi everyone

I'm not sure what I'm doing on here, or if I'm posting in the right place.

I turned 50 yesterday & my wife of 20 years passed away in July last year. We did almost everything together & now I'm feeling literally lost. I already suffered from some anxiety & occasionally depression which has been made worse by my grief. I'm safe & not thinking of doing anything harmful but sometimes I'm not in the best place mentally.

I don't have many friends & I'm finding it hard to get out there and make new ones with my anxiety. Even talking to most of my workmates has been hard. I'm trying not to isolate & make things worse but it's been tough. I recently tried having a holiday away for a few days but my anxiety levels went through the roof being so far out of my comfort zone. I thought taking baby steps would be good for me but I kind of feel worse, maybe they weren't baby steps after all...lol.

I tried making an appointment with my regular GP to see about getting counselling or medication to help but she's on maternity leave & I don't feel comfortable talking to a new doctor I've never met. I really wish I had someone go with me for moral support but that's not an option. I feel more comfortable not doing face to face or over the phone, I'd rather do a webchat or something similar if that was an option. Maybe I just need to suck it up and do it.

Anyway, I don't really have any specific questions that I can think of at the moment, just needing to get this off my chest. Although any suggestions that people use to get help, or to make new friends, without driving up the anxiety levels would be good. Thanks.

Learn to Fly · ‎28-11-2021

Hi Beno8

You certainly came to the right place.

I am so sorry to hear about your wife passing away July last year. Even those few sentences give me an idea how close the two of you were and how special she must have been to you. Loosing a soul mate is one of the hardest things to experience. For some, the very hardest.

Considering the way you feel about a direct contact I wonder how would you see yourself talking to one of our amazing Counsellors?

The phone number is: 1300224636

Whether you decide to talk to them or stick to chatting here only, it is all confidential, non-judgemental and very understanding environment. Whatever you decide: keep talking cause all of us here will listen and try to help or at least ensure you you have been heard and not left alone.

mocha delight · ‎29-11-2021

Hi beno8 first I want to say I’m so sorry for your loss last year it’s never easy losing someone 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗. And second last year when I made a appointment to see my gp last year to talk about my issues I typed & printed out a list of feelings signs & symptoms of depression I was experiencing which I handed to my gp straight away then the appointment went from there so maybe if that would makes things easier you could do the same. Also the gp will (or in my case mine did) ask what lead you to feeling this way, ask if there’s any family of depression/mental health ect ect ect in your family, how you are feeling, how you’ve been doing and will give you a k10 quiz to do over two weeks. Then my gp wanted to see me two weeks later asked if option one wanted to try out antidepressants first, option two see a psychologist first or option three try antidepressants & see a psychologist first but I went with option one but I wished I had of gone with option three. I also recommend calling the practice where your gp works even if you can’t see them and mention about wanting a mental health care plan & to get a long appointment (which is recommended when wanting a mental health care plan) then the gp after all this and seeing the done k10 quiz and your discussions with them will work out the right mental health professional for you to see as well as medication.

mocha delight · ‎29-11-2021

Oh I also forgot to mention ask the gp for a list of the type of mental health professional they recommend you to see as the first one you call & talk to the receptionist may say the person is not taking on any more new clients. I’m telling you this as it happened to me and I only got the name of one psychologist from my gp but when I called the receptionist told me that she was not taking any new clients so if you get a list & they say the mental health professional is not taking new clients then at least you have a list of other names to call to see if you could get an appointment. And that way you wouldn’t have to try getting a appointment to see the gp to get the name of another mental health professional. I wish I had done that as than I came on to the beyondblue website as I remembered when I first joined and was checking out the website I saw a section called “find a professional” and that’s how I found the psychologist I’m now seeing which she was the second one I tried to get an appointment with which I did and got my first appointment with her for a few weeks later. And finally one last piece of great advice I was given was you may not click with the first mental health professional you see but I can definitely say it’s worth it to keep trying until you find one you click with which it may take 2-3 sessions before you do know or not if you click with them or not.

Beno8 · ‎30-11-2021

Thanks Learn to Fly & Mocha Delight for listening & the helpful advice. I'll try to get a day where I have some free time & try to summon the courage to take that next step. The first step was to admit to myself that I need help, so onwards & upwards from here!

Beno8 · ‎01-12-2021

After having a chat to a good friend at work & telling her of my progress so far I got some encouragement & it helped me overcome my anxiety enough to make the call to Beyond Blue. Despite being very nervous at first the woman (who's name I unfortunately missed) quickly made me feel relaxed so I could open up & get things off my chest. She offered me some tips to help and suggested a couple of other organisations to get in touch with & an app to download called Smiling Mind. She also suggested calling my GP again & talking to someone about making a mental health plan. She even offered to ring me back next week to check in & see how I'm doing! I'm very glad I pushed myself to make the call & I would suggest to anyone else struggling to take the step too.