Newbie looking for some light at the end of this horrible tunnel....

[Hol-j]

Hi All. I am completely new to this and have never participated in a forum before. I have struggled with depression on and off for about 15 years and am nearly a year into a breakdown with a major depressive disorder. I am doing all the things with doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists but as the one year approaches and I am still unable to go back to work as a high school teacher, I am struggling to come to terms with the fact it has been going on for so long and hoping that reaching out online might help me to move forward. I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel right now 😞

[DarkSecrets]

Hello Hol-J nice to meet you, it's very brave for you to come out like this so thank you for doing so 🙂

I'm very new to this as well and Cannot give you that much info unfortunately, but very helpful people regularly come to these forums so don't worry! Help is on the way 🙂 I can only recommend what I believe would be helpful for you, I've known people who had depression and said these solutions helped them.

Some solutions for your problems can be Councilling online which can be a very beneficial thing for you, as you don't need to confront your thoughts to someone face to face and get help from trained professionals. Live chats are effective as they give you websites and solutions very quickly and efficiently.

As someone who hasn't not experienced depression before I'm sorry I do not know how it feels but I can only imagine... you're very strong to be with us today!

I hope you the best and stay strong ❤️

-Celestia

[Hol-j]

Thanks Celestia. Have been trying to stay strong and have faith that I will heal in time...

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hello hol-j and welcome,

It can be very frustrating when we are doing everything possible to treat ourself, but don't seem to be improving. Everyone is different. It can be a slow process. This is nothing to feel bad or guilty about.

If you look back to how you felt 12 mths ago, do you think you are in a better headspace now? Sometimes improvements in mood can be subtle, especially after being so down. I find that once the ball starts rolling, I'm doing more of the things I used to do, and then without realising it, I am feeling a bit better and more like myself. It can be an up and down thing too, like 3steps forward, 2 back. So I can still have bad days, but they seem to get less and less, until the good days outnumber the bad ones and the bad days don't seem quite as dark as they once were.

You are doing all the 'recommended' things to help your recovery. I assume that your are happy with your psychologist & pychiatrist, and that you are getting some benefit from these visits. Sometimes people don't make a connection with a health care professional for whatever reason, so may visit several before finding one who they feel will best help them.

There are things you can do outside therapy. Exercise is always good. Mindfulness has helped many here. There is an app called 'smiling mind' that makes it easy to learn and do.

The forums themselves can be therapy, and a sense of community. Just reading others stories can bring perspective, and replying if you can relate to a post gives a sense of contributing and achievement.

I know that returning to work full time can seem like an insurmountable mountain. You could consider going back part-time if it's available. Alternatively, starting back with volunteer work is a good option for some people. It could be in a school or in something totally different. What do they say about a change being better than a holiday..... some people find a change in some parts of their lifestyle helpful, especially if they have been 'triggered' by any familiar things.

As you know, you have to keep pushing yourself. The harder you push, the easier it gets to go further. It seems as if you want to get back to your life, you have a positive mental attitude which goes a long way in helping you to overcome this.

I heard a good metaphor here: sometimes it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because the tunnel is winding, so the light may get faint, but as you navigate around each bend, it becomes brighter.

Lee x

[Steph_12345]

Hi Hol-j.

I know this may be a rather obvious question (for yourself), but what is something - big or little, expensive or cost effective, hard or easy, randomly fun or on a to-do list, etc. - that YOU have always wanted to do, but just have had limitations to do 'it'?

Motivation to try and do a 'thing' can be easy; persaverance in repeating 'it' or to actually strive to achieve 'it' is another.

Then, after achieving it, perhaps act on another 'thing' that you want to accomplish.

Cheers, Steph

[geoff]

hello Hol-j, for people who have never had depression they could not even begin to understand what this beast has the power to do to those who are suffering.
Each one of us has our own time frame meaning that we all have different times when we can see the light, and by saying that it's still such a struggle to be able get on with our daily life whether it's a month or ten years it's still unbearable.
When we are in depression we always punish ourselves and ask ourselves 'why aren't I getting any better because it's been so long', well we have dug a pit so deep we can't get out of.
Sometimes it could be possible that by seeing a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist our recovery can be become a bit confused, because one of them is telling me one thing and the other could condradict what has been said so we get confused on who to believe.
You maybe seeing your psychiatrist for medication but counseling would have to involved, and I not sure whether either of them would agree on everything as their training is different, plus you have to realise which one you feel as though you can talk to without any fear of opening up.
Hope that we can hear back from you. Geoff.

[Zackie]

Hi, I am new to this site and can can relate to what you posted.

[Hol-j]

Thankyou all so much for your responses!!! I think being a part of this online community might help me to move forward. It brings tears to my eyes just knowing there are people out there who can relate and understand.

I have been trying mindfulness and meditation with varying success and also going for walks with my dogs. I get a lot out of my medical team. My psychologist is my main form of counselling and my psychiatrist talks to me more about the medical side of things which I really appreciate. I find being a science teacher, if I can understand some of the physical effects, it helps me to accept them. A big problem for me at the moment is having the money/ability to access them. I have run out of my medicare mental health plan and waiting to get into my gp for another review. Gosh it costs a lot to treat yourself between therapy and medication!!! My depression is a huge burden on our family financially, it really gets me down and steers my mind to dark unhelpful thoughts.

I have started back at work in a volunteer role and when I am there I love it and feel like a real person again. Problem is I find it so draining that I am letting the rest of my life fall apart. I go in for only an hour three times a week then am so wiped out the rest of the time that the house looks like a bomb site and I don't have the energy for any of the hobbies that have helped me to recover up until this point like crocheting and spending time with my pets. I've taken the rest of the week off so hoping next week is better.

Have any of you tried alternative therapies through a naturopath or bowen therapy or anything like that?

Sorry for the long post I am just excited to talk about my problems with people who understand!

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

HI hol-j

It is a relief to be able to connect to people who know what it is like. We all feel like that. Discovering this place is like switching a light on.

There is a great booklet that you will find helpful.

Search 'what works for depression' It is under The Facts, depression. There are lots of these publications here, well worth reading.

The one I mentioned has 3 sections : Psychological interventions, Medical interventions , Complimentary and lifestyle options. I am sure you will find things you hadn't even heard of here. It gives the scientific evaluations of each 'remedy'

For me, vitamins & minerals (B, D, C, Zn, Mg) and probiotics seem worthwhile and can't hurt. There is a lot of research being done on the human biome and the brain-gut health connection. It makes sense and looks promising for a host of conditions.

If I was in the city, I would like to visit a Chinese herbalist. 1000s of yrs of experience can't be all wrong. I would be sure it was an authentic one though.

There are also several threads on this topic, use the search bar at top right or google I.e. Alternative therapy beyond blue etc.

[Shred1106]

Hi Hol J

There have already been some great suggestions in terms of replies to you.I just wanted to let you know you are far from alone in this. I too am coming up to a year in this particular episode and have been labelled treatment resistant. Recently my psychologist, psychiatrist and GP met and went through who would cover what for me to clarify their roles - I am confused enough!

I would strongly suggest continuing with all scientifically proven therapies - I still have a way to go but close friends tell me I am in a far better place than I was..