New to this - not sure how it can help

[Dav]

I'm 64 years old, have a loving wife (hasn't always been easy, but still together after 42 years), 2 loving children and 4 loving grandchildren. What more could an old guy wish for!

I also have a fairly large extended family, some of whom are very supportive, others I have issues with over things from years ago where I have felt deeply hurt. I have never made my feelings known about those things, but can't let it go in my own mind. Have talked to my wife about it, but not the people concerned.

I have suffered from what I consider mild depression on and off over the years. I have always been awkward and nervous in social situations. I can't walk into a room with people and have the confidence to approach anybody to try to start a conversation. I'm usually ok in work situations because I guess it is clearer what is expected of you.

As a consequence I avoid social situations where I might have to talk to people. Even walking down the street in our small community is hell for me and I avoid it as much as possible. I'm sure people think I am rude, arrogant or aloof (all of that?), whereas I'm just extremely shy. We therefore don't really have any friends. We always seem to lose contact with friends we had in the past from a couple of different towns. On the odd occasion we have initiated contact, it hasn't been reciprocated and we assume they didn't really like our company. Guess we are lucky we have family! My wife does have some friends she meets in the social things she is involved in.

My general self esteem is pretty low. As well as all the above, I feel I haven't achieved what some of my peers and siblings have academically. I just feel that I am a very mediocre, boring person. From time to time, this really gets me down and I cease to function properly. I have had counselling in the past, but it never seems to do much. Perhaps I don't take on advice offered to me, but I don't see how I can change from the person I am.

As I have said, I am very lucky to have a loving family. Without them I wouldn't want to be here.

[Dav]

Just a quick update.

Made myself go to choir practice and had a good old sing. Has given me a bit of a lift. Made sure I got there a little late so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone before singing started, and didn't go to the pub after. Small steps.

Mary, you would love our choir! 70 plus members and very much in the Welsh tradition of male singing. We have been to Wales and sung with a couple of choirs there. Our choir is only 10 years old, so not quite as good as the ones over there...yet! Practiced "Comrades in Arms" tonight. Check out a Welsh choir doing that on Youtube.

[trustlife]

Brilliant. Top result Dav.

[blondguy]

Hello Dav

Just popping in to see how you are going. Mary made a smart point about coming off the AD's...it can be complex and best done with the support of a GP. I couldnt do that on my own...

I also take a low dosage too...since 1997. My depression is probably mildish...I just look at depression/anxiety as a physical illness..."Diabetes of the Brain" (just my take on it) Similar to you though...my social skills have somewhat vaporised.

Like Mary mentioned...happy thoughts dont really do anything for me either. I have always used 'Gentle Occupation' to change my mindset if I get too low.

Sleep can be difficult to get Dav...Used to be the same here for many years. Its sounds silly because different techniques work for different people but I think of a white square with the word 'blank' in it.....I keep going back to this white square and the word blank....it so so boring I am lucky that something so simple worked..

Nice work on the choir too...I remember doing HMS Pinafore many years ago on stage. Kind Wishes..Paul

[White_Rose]

Hello Dave

Lots of brownie points for going to choir practice. Singing is such a great occupation for the body, brain and soul. All of them need to be in harmony to make the music work in all three parts. I will look at YouTube and see if I can find a suitable choir.

I see your wife wants you to try counselling. Well I can understand not wanting to open up to a young counsellor, but there are older counsellors also. I am talking to an older counsellor at the moment. I think he is a grandad, if not in reality he is in age. You can always check on the vital statistics of a counsellor before you go to your first session

What does your doctor think about your mental health? It's a shame you have spent so much of your life being nervous around others. As I said, you don't need to be Mr Conviviality, just confident enough to chat casually with others. You still have a lot of living to do.

Comparing family stats, I have four children and eight grandchildren. My eldest granddaughter will be 21 in a few weeks. How's that for making you feel your age? At least there are no great grandchildren in the offing. I used to be quite shy and never knew what to say until I became the secretary of the primary school P&C. Now that was jumping in at the deep end.

Tell us about your next adventure. Swimming/playing bowls/bush walking/darts/ Isn't it great that we have all these opportunities? OK no more this evening. Talk to us soon.

Mary