New here. Hi

[Druidess]

Hi there. Basically I'm here because around seven months ago my life as i knew it fell apart and i haven't actually stopped to process any of it and I'm now finding that it is all catching up with me. I can't get in to see a psychologist face to face for around 2 months, bit of a waiting list, so I'm hoping i can find someone to talk to. Just someone maybe to listen and help me understand and come to terms with some of the things going on.

Cheers.

[Starwolf]

Hi Druidess and a warm welcome to you.

Well done for finding the courage to reach out. These forums are a safe place to start.

Ending up at the bottom of a long waiting list when you are feeling anguished is frustrating to say the least. If you feel the need for immediate help, you can always call 1300 22 4636

Whatever has contributed to tip your world upside down, by navigating these forums, you can connect with people who are/have been in similar situations. Please feel free to share/vent your feelings without fear of being judged or misunderstood. We will listen and offer support. No need to go through difficult times alone.

We're here for you.

[Druidess]

Thank you Starwolf.

I've had depression on and off over the last ten years, but I've faced down my demons every time. Over come all my problems. But most recently I've been feeling so many new emotions i don't know how to handle.

Seven months ago i was engaged to be married and have a beautiful healthy baby boy. He was 8 months old at the time.

I found out that my fiance had been cheating on me with many different women, all over the country, and while i was recovering from an emergency cesarean with his son. I was blissfully unaware of his actions. He worked in a job which took him away a lot. Then one day i got a message from one of the other women. My whole world turned upside down. He disappeared. Didn't want to face the music. Didn't even say goodbye to his son. Just left us.

So i moved back interstate to my family for support and started over. I transferred my job, continued with my studies, and moved on. But i have to remind myself that it has only been seven months and it is okay to feel vulnerable and lonely. Hurt and angry. Confused.

Now i have all these fears and emotions of being a terrible parent, being labelled a single mum, i feel paranoid and judged. I feel like I've failed in life and I'm terrified i will fail as a parent. This is not where i saw my life heading. We were due to get married this year. Our baby was planned. There was so much love there. Such a happy little family. Or so i thought.

I haven't stopped to really cry. I haven't stopped at all. Being a single mum is hard work. And I'm so happy with our little life, i feel selfish and guilty for crying and feeling sad. Just feeling so confused.

[Starwolf]

Thanks for sharing your story.

I can well understand why you feel that your dreams have been shattered. Your partner's attitude has left you feeling betrayed. You haven't failed, HE has failed you big time. Reading your post, I believe it was his loss. You deserve way better than him. It may take time to adjust, but his exit was a blessing in disguise.

I known that being a single Mum is a tough job. (I've been there, done that). But being with someone who cannot take responsibility as partner and father is no viable alternative.

You say you have previously experienced depression so I am concerned this upheaval may cast you back in this dark place. You had the courage and inner strength to lift yourself off before but please bear in mind that the added stress of caring single-handed for an 8 months baby could make it more difficult this time around. You deserve care and support and your son deserves a happy Mum.

So please, take good care of yourself. You are vulnerable at the moment. Perhaps it is time for a long GP appointment. S/he will be able to advise and assist you over this rough patch. You don't have to go through this alone.

As for being judged, why take it on board ? You are not the one at fault. If others choose to think otherwise, it is best if you let it be their issue. There's nothing wrong with being a single mother. It requires qualities of resilience, courage, dedication. And of course a lot of love. Many of these women are/have been victims of circumstances or immature partners. They deserve respect.

You have taken brave, wise steps to move on, well done. Due recognition and a pat on the back would be more appropriate than self blame. It is early days. You have suffered a big blow. Time and care will heal the wound. Having family support is a terrific asset. It is good to know that you have it on your side. Some day, you may realize that instead of being turned upside down and inside out, your life has taken a positive turn around.

My thoughts are with you.

[Druidess]

Thank you so much for the support.

​It felt good being able to talk about it. Talking about it is not something i usually do.

You're so right, i need to be happy and healthy to be able to give my son the best possible mum. Each time i start to feel sad or angry i usually try and think about how grateful i am. I'm very lucky i have my health and my family. Not all women have that. So i am very lucky. Some days are hard and others are filled with my little boys laughter and smiles and my world is right. I guess i have to take the good with the bad and keep moving forward.

Thank you

[Kazzl]

Hi Druidess, I agree with Starwolf 100 per cent. You are a strong and wonderful woman and a good mum! And, how much better to be without someone like your ex! He sounds very immature, irresponsible and self-centred. Had you stayed together you could have ended up with a selfish, deceptive man-child to take care of as well as a baby. Better with just the baby I say! (That's what I'd tell my daughters.)

I know it's hard hun, but as Star said, it's early days. You've lost a dream perhaps, but that dream has showed itself (mercifully early) to not be what you'd thought or wanted. There will be other dreams, other relationships and always the fulfilling joy of watching your little person grow (as hard and exhausting as parenting can be, it is nonetheless a love and deep joy like no other).

Take good care of yourself and talk to us whenever you need to. Letting the frustration, sadness and worry out is a big part of managing depression and, well, life generally. And we certainly understand and are here for you.

Hugs and very best wishes to you (and a little cuddle for your beautiful baby too).

Kaz

[Starwolf]

Hi Druidess,

You're so right, our children are the best incentive to pull ourselves together when Life throws us a curve. To dig deep and find inner resources we didn't know we had. When things become too difficult, they give us the courage to reach out for help.

Your last post sounds a lot more positive, a good sign. I am glad you made the brave decision to talk to us. There's a lot on your shoulders right now. Sharing the load lightens it.

Opening up means we are casting out the inner demons gnawing at our emotions. Writing (journal or other) is also an efficient way to do this. Having things in front of us on the page allows us to have a good look at them and process them. Our victories also sound more significant when put in writing. Thoughts come and go but the written word gives them shape and durability. It has the knack of bringing to the surface things we were not aware of. It can be re-read at leisure, mulled over to give us better insight.

Look after yourself Druidess, as a person and as a mother, you are precious.

Your contribution here is much appreciated. I hope you'll let us know how you go.

I hope you have a peaceful day.

[Druidess]

Hi Kaz,

​thank you for your kind words and support.

It has been a tough journey and one thing I take from this is how strong I have been, i take comfort in that. I know i can be brave when times get tough. It's scary being on your own. Making mistakes. Feeling lost. Losing your way.

But I've gained myself back, little by little. I'm beginning to enjoy things again that I never had time for. And i know there will be hard times, difficult days, and things won't always seem calm and peaceful. But as long as i keep stepping forward and hold my chin up I'll do just fine and hopefully make my little boy proud some day.

Xo

[Kazzl]

Druidess, that's a wonderful attitude! Hold tight to the positives hun, you're doing great. Your little one is fortunate to have you as his mum. I think he chose well 😄. And you will raise a very good man, I'm sure of that.

I know that time and energy are scarce for mums, and sometimes we feel guilty if we do things for ourselves instead of our kids. But something I learned over the years is that we have to meet our own needs too in order to be happy and well, and when we're happy and well we are better for our kids. So please keep doing the things you enjoy. Investing time and energy in yourself will bring rewards for both of you.

We are all stronger than we know hun, especially we gals!

Kaz

[Starwolf]

Hey Druidess,

Kazz is right, your positive attitude will ease you over this rough stretch of your journey. This world needs women like you to raise the next generation of good men.

Whether single or partnered, we all make mistakes and lose the way. That's Life... and how we humans learn. We are thrown here without a user's manual and must make it up as we go. Mistakes are a lesson in turning negativity around. Hindsight shows that they're often the best thing that could have happened to us.

Enjoy the day.