Moving on from bullying, what how when?

[Hunz]

At work I was intimidated to follow a team culture of near enough is good enough. I decided to challenge the culture and was immediately bullied and harassed. Trying to remain professional and being humiliated at work went on for over a year. When i couldn’t cope with the workplace any more I told my GP the amount of distress I was in. I got a careplan and few days off while I cleared my head. That was 4 months ago,the distressed period lasted for weeks followed by panic attacks and I was in no shape to be addressing the work matter without support and treatment for anxiety and depression. I know I need to talk about the bullying but I cry, get embarrassed ashamed. I’ve talked to a psychologist a few times I got the reassurance that my reactions were normal if I felt unsafe going to work, that made me realise that it had become normal to everyone to see me nervous on edge if not teary I felt sorry for my family

So how do i move on when bullying has destroyed confidence and trust I had. It’s destroyed my positivity and interest in working and probably destroyed my professional reputation and opportunities. Does move on mean stop procrastinating and demand outcomes so I have closure? Move on from internal to external avenues? Accept an apology and move on?

[white knight]

Hi Hunz, welcome

From my experience you will take a long time to recover from this workplace ordeal. But it isnt all bad, I'll explain.

As we grow up some of us dont learn all the things we should learn. Some of that can be called "cognitive deficiency". In my case it was street wisdom. I'm 63yo now and my emotional maturity has caught up with my age now.

In terms of bullying we can be excused for not knowing how to deal with it or avoid it in the first place, when the bully knows who to bully. Demanding outcomes can be dangerous to your health. I fought for 10 months against the organisation that bullied me and tried to force me to do something illegal. It cost me my mental health, my job (eventually they sacked me by finding a way) and stress with my marriage. Was it worth it? Yes and no.

Yes- because I was not going to do illegal activity so I was proud to make a stand

No- because as my therapist said- you are black and white living in a world of grey people. Not everyone is as astute as you when it comes to "doing the right thing".

What would I have done differently? Well I wouldnt have reacted in such a knee jerk manner and made several suggestions on how to avoid the situation.

I'm sure you dont think you have done anything wrong but in time you might realise that no one is perfect and handling it differently might have avoided the situation. That doesnt excuse bullying but bullies do survive the workplace for some reason, us sensitive souls dont, we end up the victim.

Time is your friend, in time you will stop worrying and recover. You will become stronger, less likely to be targetted and mature into a better person. You will also develop a tougher skin and develop ways to fight back against these low lifes. If you dont laugh things off or verbally combat these people- they will continue to walk all over you.

Here is a few threads pertaining to this issue that you will find helpful.

Use google and read the first post of each

Beyondblue topic bullying

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

TonyWK

[Hunz]

Thanks for the reply. I’ll be checking the links too.