Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves.  I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician.  I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.  

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

[beyondjazz]

Hi All,

I hope to connect with others here, and perhaps offer some hope. At about 15 I hit the chaos of adolescence - and found my self in a hurricane of sadness, anger, resentment and low self esteem. I engaged in self harm behaviour for some years and at 16 I discovered drugs. Unfortunately for me, drugs masked the symptoms of my un-diagnosed mental health issues, so I got pretty heavily involved in that. Looking back now, I know the drugs hindered my healing, not helped - but at that age, I couldn't see it. By 20 I had been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. I was fine with the anxiety label, but depression didn't sit well with me. It would take years for me to acknowledge and accept that aspect of the diagnosis. I was eventually medicated "for anxiety" - but they were anti-depressants. When they started working, I realized "OH MY GOD. THIS IS WHAT LIFE COULD BE LIKE." I had all but forgotten what it was like with out the tempest hanging over my head. I had some pretty bad side affects, so they changed my meds around and put me on something new. It had the opposite effect and I almost didn't make it out of that one. After some more time on meds I experienced a depressive episode penetrated the medication, so I decided to drink instead (not a great idea).

Eventually I discovered a medicine that worked for me: no drugs, exercise 3 times a week, healthy eating, 8 hours of sleep every night and happy music. I am fortunate enough to have found things that work for me, and don't mean to say that what works for me will work for other people. 

I am so grateful to have come so far. And I like to think I have learnt a thing or two along the way. I couldn't have done it with out the never-failing support of those around me.

I came to this forum to say to people out there: I know it's tough. You're not alone. You can get through this. 

🙂 

[A_Tech]

Dear PeeTeeEssDee44,

Wow, I can't believe how much like me you sound!!

Im also in WA and fully understand the lack of resources. Even though I live in the city, I have spent the last 10years working at the state trauma hospital which is obviously why I have succumbed to PTSD.

For me my PTSD was well underway from an abusive childhood before I started my job. Some of the horrors I have seen still haunt me today, give me nightmares, flashbacks, the works.

The major turning point for me, like you, was being accused or associated in my case with something that I had nothing to do with, and certainly no control over.

Two years ago my younger brother was arrested for murder!

What can I say? As soon as people hear anything like that, your automatically guilty by association. I now have lost almost everyone that was in my life, because they found it too hard!!!! I mean seriously!!!!!

I was tormented for two years in a government job, before I finally had to resign because I just couldn't take it any more.

That was only 5 months ago.

Im struggling everyday to understand how so called friends, even our 'best friends' who we were supposed to be god parents to their now 1 year old, so easily abandoned us so that they didn't look bad.

 I have also had the cortisol test, which no surprise came back high like you. I've had 4 attempts in the this last 5 months, so now my husband is hyper alert about EVRYTHING I do, which only makes me worse.

Im also angry all the time, or moody. It changes in a heartbeat! 

I should mention that I'm 40 years old, my husband and I have been together for 20 years and we have an 18 year old son.

But I just feel so alone!!!!

Ive been seeing a psychologist for the last two years, who happens to deal with PTSD which is a bonus. But the last month or so, I just feel myself slipping backwards. My brothers trial will finally take place this July, maybe that's part of the down slide I don't know.

All I do know is that you are not alone in this!!!!

I truly thought I was until I found this  forum. Even though though our stories differ, they are still the same at the core.

Right now I'm flooding this forum with responses, because I just can't burton my family any more.

Please, if you ever want to chat, go for it. I check this site so many times every day it's become my new obsession. My new lifeline if you will!!!!

I would really like to hear back from you, please take care x

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[ilovetoread73_]

Hi to everyone,

I'm 41 year old mum to a 2.5 year old with husband of 8 years.  I am estranged from my family and can only describe them as extremely damaged people.  Father alcoholic pretty much all his life and mother, manipulative, uncaring person. 

I have suffered from Restless Leg Syndrome pretty much a lot of my life which is a sleep disorder and also PTSD, which I was only diagnosed with a couple of weeks ago even though seeing sleep specialist for 3 years or so.  Shocked a bit but new I was pretty fragile and suspected it but it is a still astounding to hear the words and have them sink in.

I've suffered various illnesses over my life, one was only recently was shingles on my face caused by job after returning from maternity leave early and have them work me int the ground.  I nearly lost my eyesight in my left eye but have luckily have a few spots on my eye which are no worse or better.  They are not in my line of vision which is so lucky.  I don't feel lucky that another thing like this happened to me.  However I've come to realise the PTSD I have is probably the main catalyst for all these things due to the anxiety as well as part of that. I also had a traumatic pregnancy for a few reasons, illness then as well which led to insulin resistance from having to take steroids after my child was born.  All is not lost though.  I've had counselling over the last few years on and off from a wonderful psychologist who has helped me unburden myself somewhat which has kept me alive and feeling better.  I now no longer work and have taken up a sewing which has given me enjoyment.   Now for the first time I am contemplating attending University online as a Mature Age Student.  Amazing as I never thought I would ever be able to attempt due to my sleep disorders but treatment has given me hope.  Here's hoping I can do myself proud.

[Morenaa]

Hi, I have just joined this forum, and have been reading lots of interesting stories.

Quick question: How do I post my personal story in this forum?

Thank you

[Chris_B]

Hi Ci,

From the main forums page, choose the most appropriate section for your story, (eg. Depression), and click through to it. At the top right you will see a button marked 'New thread'. Click that, and you will be able to post your story and give it a title.

Stories have a 2,500-character limit (approximately 500 words, or one page), and all posts are moderated so may not appear on the forum straightaway.

Hope this helps.

[allietron]

Hey everyone,

My name's Ali and I'm a 20 year old student studying a Bachelor of Social Science with a minor in counselling.
I have battled many illnesses in my short life both mental and physical.
I was diagnosed initially with glandular fever and had that for over three years. Then after that, chronic fatigue for two years. Whilst battling my chronic fatigue I was also diagnosed with chronic tonsilitis and my tonsils were actually poisoning me.
With all my illnesses and not being able to have the same life as my peers, I became very secluded and felt very alone.
I had social anxiety from my early teenage years which sky-rocketed with not being able to go out and do things my friends wanted to do, and people often leaving me out because of it. My depression developed due to this and I battled that up until recently.

Now I have committed myself to helping other people go through similar things, and make sure that no one feels alone like I did because there is always someone out there needing help.

I am extremely passionate about making people smile and improving their mindsets and hope to make a career out of it some day.

Thanks for reading my story and I hope this shows people that it does get better and that all obstacles can be overcome 🙂

[youareloved]

Hi, I've joined today, and like everyone I'm hoping to find support from others who are struggling with depression and anxiety. I'm 58 and to the world I seem to have it all. A great husband, loving son, good education, great job and friends who like having me around. However; only those closest to me know that my childhood and adolescence was spent in an environment of daily abuse with a mother who was unable to parent her 6 daughters without physical beatings and cruel verbal abuse. Every one of my siblings have struggled to function effectively without medication. I thought that I was the exception to the rule and that I had escaped by being thrown out of home at 17 and moving to Australia a decade later, but I hadn't. I built a good life out here and achieved more that I ever though I could, but an emptiness inside has always existed together with a feeling of pain and isolation that haunts me day in and out. My mum passed away recently but her legacy remains. My older sister is a carbon copy of mum. She beat me physically and verbally abused me when I visited my sisters over Christmas. My eldest sister has nothing to do with me at all and in the visits I have made back over the years she has avoided meeting me, she has made it clear that she has no interest. My 3 younger sisters have accepted my financial help over the years but only talk to me when I visit. Emails are ignored, phone calls are not returned and no contact is initiated by them. My husband, son and friends in Australia find it hard to understand why I never give up on any of them and why I continually make excuses for them. Neither do I. My doctor put me on antidepressants 2 years ago, but they didn't have any effect other that numb my feelings. I have found it hard to find a counsellor that I can trust enough to really open up to. It's become increasingly harder for me to deal with my thoughts and feelings as effectively as I used to and I'm worried that I will be like this forever.  Thanks for reading this and if anyone has experienced something similar and has found a way to build themselves up so that the hurt stops please share. Thanks everyone

[HA1]

Hi Youareloved (nice username!)

Welcome to beyondblue, and thanks for posting your story; it is a sad one.  Although my experience is different to yours, I am sure there will be many on this forum who can relate to your story. I and others look forward to talking more with you on the forum (perhaps you could start a new thread that is dedicated to your story).

Please post again.

K

[Myst]

Hello everyone,

So, I'm a newbie, signing up on the advice of my current counselor. Advice that was given to me about an hour and a half ago. I have always found introductory type posts challenging to compose, I get overwhelmed by my story, anxious about perceptions and portrayal and so on but as an introduction just to who I am and by means of a greeting, and announcing an availability for me to possibly be approachable and accepted, here we go.

I'm twenty-five, though I feel and have always felt much older. Older than her years is the applicable phrase. Mostly I've just had a painful life and am world-weary too young. I'm incredibly self-aware, that's just about the only thing I can say about myself with some assurance and confidence, some pride. Although, after years of rejecting the label, thinking it to be some adolescent trend, a scene... I have recently figured out that I am indeed a Goth.

Outside of depression, of which I'm been diagnosed with both Dysthymia and Major Depression, I am melancholic, sentimental, sensitive, romantic (in terms of the literary movement sense rather than the chocolates and walks on the beach understanding). I am fascinated and enthralled by all things dark, and I always have been, the occult too. All of this makes me bit of a freak, which, being a believer in individualism is okay, but it also comes with a lot of disrespect (to be polite about it!)

Other than depression, my official diagnosis includes Severe Social Anxiety, Generalised Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa but Post Traumatic Stress, Bi-Polar, Asperger's, ADHD, Avoidant Personality, Schizoid Personality have been frequently thrown around and others have been mentioned then forgotten. I was diagnosed when I was nineteen, starting with Borderline Personality. At the time it was amazing to have some kind of boundary to my internal experience, but these days I tend to shun the labels and just work with my symptoms, my current counselor says that I'm difficult to place amongst the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual and so taking me as I am is appropriate.

She suggested I join these forums for a couple of reasons but primarily because reading TED blogs recently, about corporate suicide survivors, had me feeling pathetic about my mental health experience. She predicted that a community of "ordinary" people, really suffering would give me a better frame to situate myself in. And right now, I am desperate for that.

And so, with that, hello, again.

[Clayhay]

Hi,

Ive joined the forums today because Im just not coping with my life. I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning/ I lay awake wishing i wasnt here. I have read a few stories on this thread and I thank everyone for sharing. In a situation where you feel so alone its amazing to find so many of us struggle along.

I have struggled all my life with self esteem and self belief issues. I always find I just dont fit in or am just not good enough. I was only diagnosed with depression after having my children that I got so desperate i just cried in the doctors office. I was on medication for a few years but didnt like the reliance of it and have been off them for some time but i know i need them again. 

I just want to cry all the time. I have struggled to find a job in my town for so long now that I just cant do it anymore. I have applied for 100s of jobs and had some interviews but just dont cross the line. I feel beaten and failed. I am now avoiding social situations because i just dont want to have the job conversation anymore. Why is it so easy for some. Why cant someone help me... I have tried everything but it still to no avail. I want to runaway from this place and start somewhere else. I am well educated (i have a degree and diploma) but cant even get a 'Woolies"type job and I dont know why.

This misery is affecting everything. i am snarky and bitter and get cranky at my kids too easy. I hate it. I am scared my kids see me fail and I hate it.

I just dont know what to do anymore.

Thanx for reading.