Loss of identity, independence and withdrawn

[Chunty]

Hi lovely people. I am experiencing the above title. Im wondering if this is a common feeling. I have chosen to withdraw from outsides,as it is my way of survival. Would like some thoughts and views of others who feel the same way I do. Take care lovely beings. Chunty

[mocha delight]

Hi chunty I wish I could say yes and that I could help in any way I can which I’m sorry I can’t but if you ever need to chat if you’d like to I’m here for you plus I’m a good listener.

[quirkywords]

Chunty

I sometimes limit my social interaction with others and withdraw when I don’t feel up toni.

How long have you felt this way..?

I know for me that the feeling won’t last.

thanks for reaching out.

[Th3Only1trueSelf]

Hi Chunty 🙂

You're a superstar for reaching out & you are not alone in this, there are so many ppl on this level & I was one of them.

Listen to your soul, trust it, talk to it. It will give answers if you listen.

Withdrawing from the outside world (negativity) teaches you to stay in your own lane and not to follow others. Does this make sense? You are on the right path Chanty. Observe, but don't Absorb.

Lost of identity is your old self, can't always be a caterpillar. Your new self is on the way, this is where you become a butterfly. Does this make sense?

Independence is a wonderful thing to have in our lives, no one ever can take that away if you allow it. However, make sure you make your own decision. You don't drown by falling into the water, you drown by staying there. Does this make sense?

We are all here for you 🙂 Be safe, Stay safe. Act safe for yourself.

Happy to continue this conversation at any time, feel free to reach out.

[Petal22]

Hi Chunty,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry you are feeling this way….

Loss of identity, can I ask in what way?

How do you feel you have lost independence? Can you still look after your self… ?can you go out and do the food shopping ?

Withdrawn…… Can I ask are you feeling that you need to withdraw from people?

I went through severe anxiety OCD…… I have now recovered thanks to the help of health professionals….. when I was going through this disorder in the early stages I became withdrawn……. I was really with drawn because I had a lot going on in my mind……

Please come back to us when you can we are all a understanding supportive community and would like to help you…

[therising]

Hi Chunty

Do you feel you may have entered into a period of self reflection?

A period of self reflection can sound a little like 'I don't know who I am anymore' or 'Who am I? I have no idea'.

From personal experience, I've found a period of self reflection can relate to a time of disconnection from others. It's not like it's intentional or a conscious decision, disconnecting from others, it kind of becomes a part of the process. It's like you can spend the whole of your life, up to a point, being told who you are and then suddenly disconnect. 'Who am I, without people dictating how I should identify myself (giving me my identity)'? It's crazy, how much of our identity is based on what we're told. 'You're a boy/girl. This is your name. You're this race, not that. You're this age. You're this religion, no other. You're a student who must behave this way. If you please people, you'll be loved and valued, so don't challenge anyone. If you get this job and not that one, you'll be more socially acceptable' and so on. When I came out of 15 or so years in depression, it was truly mind altering. I had absolutely no idea who I was without people giving me my identity. It was kind of like an 'empty shell' feeling. The quest to find myself began. Far from an easy quest, for with any significant mind altering life altering quest, there are many many many questions.

I can relate strongly to what Th3Only1trueSelf writes. Regarding listening, this can be incredibly hard to master at first. I'll elaborate on this, so you know where I'm coming from. Have you ever experienced those moments where you can think and think and think your way toward a solution and you just can't find one. Suddenly, from out of the blue, the most brilliant solution comes to mind, without you thinking it up. If you've experienced this, you might have even said 'Where did that come from?' For simplicity's sake, let's call that which comes from out of the blue 'Inspiration'. You gradually learn to listen to and trust inspiration. As I say, easier said than done at first.

I've found one of the best ways to prompt inspiration involves sitting outside. With an open mind, when it comes to gaining insight, you may ask something like 'How do I remain aware of other people's influence on me?' Imagine scanning the scenery when you stop to focus on power lines. What may suddenly come to mind, 'Be aware of the lines of communication'. The challenge is not to think, for much comes into an open mind.

🙂

[Chunty]

Hello lovely people. Thank you for the caring and supportive responses. I have withdrawn from other people, because Ive given up reachin out. I get ignored, rejected, excuses and complaints bout their physical ailments.I got alot to contend with myself and I cant give of myself to others anymore. Im down and tired. Love you all. Chunty🙏🙏😻😊

[therising]

Hi Chunty

It sounds like people have been exhausting you, perhaps not giving as much as they should be. Sometimes it's hard to avoid wondering 'Who's raising the raiser of others?' It's like you can put the effort into raising other people's spirits and then suddenly turn around to feel yourself not being raised. You don't feel it 'til it really hits you, 'til it becomes intolerable. When it hits it can feel depressing, that's for sure.

I'm wondering whether you can relate to the depressing nature of reflection at times. It's like you can begin questioning in a way that leads you to feel down. Kinda like 'What's wrong with me?! Why does no one seem to care?! Why am I not worth the effort?!' and so on. The reason for me putting exclamation marks after the question marks involves these being more like statements than questions. That's what I find, myself, at times. When they remain legitimate questions, involving serious wonder, what comes to mind is sometimes 'Not my fault'.

Questioning 'What's wrong with me?' is not my fault, as wondering about what's not right under the circumstances reflects my ability to seek reason and sometimes leads me to question my need for growth.

People not caring is not my fault. Other people's carelessness should be questioned at times. Is what I'm experiencing, through their carelessness, some of their faults? What's leading them not to care?

'Why am I not worth the effort?' leads to the question 'Do I define my true worth or value through other people's efforts?' With some people's lack of effort involving things like pure laziness, ignorance (ignoring the need for effort), arrogant selfishness, a lack of time management and so on, should our worth or value be based on the laziness, ignorance, arrogance and the lack of time management of others. No way! In all fairness, sometimes others simply give priority to the thing they're struggling most with. This is where their focus is. Kind of like 'It's not my fault that this person's focus is on trying to manage a full time job as well as their own mental health right now'.

In no way am I suggesting we're completely faultless. Changing 'I'm sick of caring so much about others' to 'I'm sick because of caring so much about others' points to the the fault of caring too much, to the degree where it's making us sick. I've found there's nothing quite like throwing 'because' into one of those 'I'm sick of...' statements we occasionally come up with. It can be so revealing sometimes.

🙂

[Chunty]

Hi therising. Thank you for replying to my post. What you mention makes alot of sense and is very applicable.Yes I do question my self worth alot. I do not want to get hurt or sick and withdrawing is a means of protection. I have made efforts, sending greeting cards GIF text messages and get responses of the days task etc.excuses not to make frequent contact.I just give up. I feel safer not intruding into their busy lives and will only respond when necessary. I just wonder if having mental illness have a beariing on attitudes from others. You have alot of insigt and thank you for sharing with me. Also being a BPD makes me a highly sensitive indiviidual. I have to cope with my physical symptoms, and Im tired of callous people. Thank you and God Bless You.

[therising]

Hi Chunty

That phrase 'I'm sick of..' I suppose can also be applied to 'I'm tired of...'. I've never thought about this before. Thank you for raising my consciousness. Deeply grateful 🙂 Sometimes you even hear people say 'I'm sick and tired of...'. I've never thought about this before, the significance of the statement 'I'm sick and tired because of callous people'. When I think of the people in my life who lead me to feel rundown and a little unwell, mentally and physically, this makes sense.

When I think of the people who raise me, really raise me in significant ways, I'd describe them as being the opposite of sickening and tiring. They're healthy and energising. Such people can be hard to find. I've found, while being sensitive comes with some serious mental health challenges, being so sensitive also comes with perks. You can feel your way to finding the right people, hidden amongst the woodwork: 'This one feels energising. Oh, no, not this one; I can feel this one's narcissistic nature sucking the life out of me. That one leads me to feel peace (a beautiful feeling). This one leads me to feel degradation, self doubt and a serious downshift'. If such positive people are in short supply, in person, I'll tend to look for them on the internet. One of my latest favorites is a guy names Phil Borges. Not only is he a truly amazing photographer, he has a mind altering way of looking at mental health. I should add, while it can be easy to get a feel for people, sometimes it appears impossible. The impossible times tend to coincide with an inability to shift focus away from what's depressing, a serious lack of physical energy and an all too consuming challenge I can be struggling to make sense of, especially when that challenge is leading me to have to let go of something I'm refusing to let go of.

I believe, when it comes to the sickening and exhausting nature of depression or anxiety, for example, no one feels the nature more than the person experiencing these challenges 1st hand. Then there's 2nd hand effects, felt by those around them. Someone who loves so deeply can feel the pain (to some degree) of someone experiencing mental health challenges. Such deeply feeling people can become somewhat sick and exhausted themselves if they're not careful. Then there are those who simply aren't up for feeling the challenges that can come with helping those who experience depression or anxiety. Kind of like 'Nup, don't want to feel too deeply. Doesn't suit me'.

🙂