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[LostinLifeasWell]

Hello everyone I have just joined and though I would just lay down some feelings which is so hard for me, I am lost in life I have had some big changes and heart acks, I had to give up my job and become a career for my partner and I have a stepdaughter with mental illness as well, I am going through the motions of cooking and cleaning which I hate but I have no joy, I have no motivation to do anything I looked at the local Man's Shed for support but there they are making stuff to help them, I don't have the mental energy to do that I just wanted to be around people and talk, I walk the dog each day to get out of the house but that doesn't seem to do much.

[Sophie_M]

Hi LostinLifeasWell, 

We would like to welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here.   It sounds like you are managing a lot right now. We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like you are just going through the motions, we also recognise the added stress that being a carer for family members can cause. Please look after yourself and know that you always have a community here to support you.

While we hope there is someone close to you that you are able to share your feelings with, we would also like to remind you that there is always someone to talk to, and you always deserve to feel heard, understood and supported as you process everything that is going on in your life.

Our Support Service would welcome your call, anytime, on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support 

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice.  

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[LostinLifeasWell]

Thank you for your kind words and support.

[Luke-Z]

Hi LostinLifeasWell. Your story really touched me as I have been through the same. I used to walk through the suburbs at night desperate and feeling so lost and isolated, while my wife, son and daughter were at home. They all suffer from bipolar disorder with schizophrenic episodes and severe depression. It was hard-going. I also did all the cooking, cleaning, etc for years while working full-time. 

Can I encourage you? You are doing the right thing, looking after your loved ones and good on you for doing so. And good on you for starting to talk about it. When I did many years ago, I was surprised about how many people had similar experiences. Not as intense as mine but some had some understanding and were willing to listen. It is important to talk about it because you are carrying a heavy load. 

I have now dealt with mental illness in my family for 35 years and had many ups and downs. It takes constant managing but they all so appreciate that I stuck with them and didn't take off. My wife and kids, a son and daughter, a daughter-in-law, and other family members with mental illness, are all functioning well on medication. They have often told me that I was, and still am, the rock in the family. So, I can't overstate the importance of your role. Things will improve with time. 

In the meantime, make sure to take some time out and see your own psychiatrist if you feel really depressed yourself. I wish you all the best.

[LostinLifeasWell]

I am sorry about the late reply and I really appreciate you taking the time out to try and help, I just didn't know where to start, my step daughter turned 13 and suddenly hates me even though I have been around since she was 18 mths old paying and taking care of her, the real father abused her and just took off that is all so part of her problems, I know she has mental problems but she doesn't want to even be in the same room has me, refuses to say hello or good bye or good morning or good night she is so angry all the time and nothing we do seems to help, it is like she is happy being unhappy and making the rest of us miserable, it is so tiring  trying to help her all the time we are exhausted then I have my own demands to deal with and trying to run the house hold where  I don't feel appreciated for all the work I am doing the house has never been cleaner, the misses with all her problems doesn't see much of what I do and expresses no emotion, she is schizophrenic,split personality disorder,bipolar,depression and some other stuff I can not remember, I am struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel we have be going through so much for the last 5 yrs now and seems to never stop just go from one problem to the next one, I have so much stuff to sell and fix around the house I have no shortage of things to do but I am just like a zombie no joy or anything to look forward to I use to be a goal oriented  person that is what kept me going but now there is nothing I want or to able to afford now any ways, well I really dumped on you haven't I so sorry for that.

[Luke-Z]

Hi mate.

Yes, that was a good dump but that is what you need to do sometimes. Relate to it very well. I do that sometimes too because I have dealt with mental illness for the last 35 years and although some times things are ok and everyone is stable and relatively happy, the situation is still far from normal. 

A few points, and ignore if you like: my daughter, and I heard many other parents, turned from a little angel quite bitchy at the age of 13. And then they turn back to angels or at least more normal at 18 or so. 

I know that your whole situation is tough and overwhelming but the sooner you accept that that is your life, the better. I used to feel really sorry for myself and still do at times but self-pity is really counterproductive. If your wife is that ill, don't expect any appreciation from her. All you can do, is make sure she is on the right meds and manage that process of taking her back to the psychiatrist. Once she is on the right meds, things will settle. My wife apologised for her behaviour for months to me after she became stable and started to remember all the things she had done. 

One last thing: don't think about the future too much. It may look really bleak but you don't know what will happen. We saw a few miracles happen over time and my marriage has been great for the last 20-25 years. Just try and focus on today, and even the next hour only. When things got really bad in my house, I told myself to just get through the next few minutes. That was all I could cope with. 

Hope this helps a little. I'll pray that things will improve for you and your family.