Just feeling blue

Scott_C · ‎07-07-2020

Hello,

im new here. Found this on beyond blue website. I’m 41 this year and have had episodes with anxiety and depression, mostly depression most of my life. I’m feeling so down and blue over the past 2 weeks, nothing and no one can cheer me up, my research seems to point at SAD as my condition tends to get worse during the colder months. I feel so drained of energy and emotions, I don’t feel like talking to or interacting with anyone, I keep having thoughts of regretting parent hood and find myself distancing from wife and 2 boys. All I do is just work long days and come home. I’m so sick of it. I have nothing left to give anymore, all I want to do is get under the blanket and hide all the time. I feel like I’m going nuts.. can anyone relate to this?

sisu100 · ‎06-08-2020

Hi Scott,

It's so lovely to hear back from you and I'm glad to hear that you've found some comfort in reading some of the replies. Just thought I'd check in and see how you're going this week?

It's completely understandable that you're feeling so exhausted and discontented. Not only are you having to work long hours but you also have the added stress of job stability at the moment. I can relate with the uncertainty with my job with the whole covid situation right now. But unlike you, I don't have the added responsibility of being a husband and father, I'm sure that's a lot to shoulder. I don't think you're being ungrateful- I think you're just being honest with how you feel and you have every right to be feeling how you are with everything going on. I'm hearing that you don't want to bother your wife with your issues as she's also got a lot on, so please know that we're always here to be a listening ear if you need.

You mentioned that although you've been having a lot more of those down days, there were times you had some up days. How were those days like for you? What was different?

I hope you're keeping safe and well. Please do let us know how you're tracking along if you're up for it 🙂

Marinela · ‎07-08-2020

Hello everyone.I am new on this forum.Recently I got off my medication and its been 3 months without them,had a lots of reasons why I decide to try an alternative medicine.I have Pmdd and wanna have a baby next year.I also been feeling a bit sad for the past 3 weeks,it happens to me every winter.My vitamin D is low and I wanna sleep a lot.I try to exercise every day,do a meditation and stay busy.I do have good days,but some day I feel unsettled,empty and a bit anxious.I feel a bit isolated and lonely and I used all of my 10 sessions with my psychologist. I would like to hear your opinions and advice.I hope this the appropriate topic.Thank you!

Ggrand · ‎07-08-2020

Hello Marinela,

I would like to give you a warm welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums....

I’m sorry to hear that you struggle with PMDD...and low vitamin D ..

Is it possible for you to sit in a sunny spot for around 12 minutes a day,,that’s the amount of time you need dailybto boost your D vitamin?

Im wondering if you would like to start your own thread, that way you will receive more support for your struggles..

Its okay. Marinela, you’ve just landed on another thread and might not get seen properly for the support you so much deserve..

If you go to the home page, then press join discussion..you’ll see a red button that says..Forum FAQ..There are easy to follow instructions on how to start you own thread...

I will keep an eye out for you and your new thread and pop in and chat to you..more people will also pop into your thread as it will be more visible for the community members.,

Kind and caring thoughts.

Grandy..

therising · ‎07-08-2020

Hi Scott

Definitely challenging to face not being raised by your spouse. When a spouse (someone we like to rely on as our 'go to' person) also has mental health challenges on top of our own, it's a significant issue. You don't mention how severe your wife's challenges are so I could be way off track in suggesting the following. Have you ever contemplated a 'see-saw' kind of scenario? One person raises the other and vice versa. Let's call it 'The see-saw challenge'. Not being terribly inventive here, hey.

It becomes about paying close attention to speech and mannerisms. For example, you might come home announcing 'Gee, I'm stressed'. You rub your neck in the spot where there's tension. Your wife hears you and sees you give a tiny massage to your neck. The cue could be to give you a 10 minute massage.

Your wife says 'I just don't feel important or special anymore'. She looks sad. You hear her express her lack of value in life, as she appears down. You set up a bubble bath, some candles and her favourite chocolates on a little dish by the bath. You sit on the floor beside the bath and have a chat.

I suppose you could say the challenge is to learn to read each other. It also involves a little intuition too, regarding ideas. If you come home to a messy house and a little voice in your head says 'Don't worry, it's not important. You need to go ask your wife if she needs a bit of raising', trust that voice. It'll be hard not to dismiss it if a clean house means a lot to you. Or if you find yourself in a significant low to the point where you just want to scream and that little voice in your head says 'Tell your wife you need her to get off her butt and raise you' trust that voice. Maybe intuition is leading you to give her a purpose. Maybe she would feel more valuable as 'The woman who raises this man'.

Some folk may call me nuts but I find coming to trust that inner voice has shaped me into someone I once only dreamed of being. It's led me to tell my husband I want more excitement in the marriage, instead of just wishing for it. It's led me to question others more and doubt myself less and it's led me to become more my natural self. There's a long list.

Sounds like yours is leading you to question what's wrong, what's not working. Sounds like tolerating exhaustion and keeping things to yourself is becoming intolerable. Perfectly understandable. Maybe what comes to you is 'You deserve better than this'. So the next question may be 'What does better look like?'

🙂

Marinela · ‎08-08-2020

Thank you Ggrand.I decided to join a yoga class and did actually went there today.I am planning to organize a routine Mon-Fri and spending time outside in the sun its on my list.Also I applied for some voluntary work to keep me busy

CorinaM · ‎08-08-2020

I can totally relate to how your feeling .. single mum here .. working from home feeling distant from everyone and I just want to stay in bed most days since I have been working from home and Home schooling the children .. no energy no motivation no mojo and I feel I’ve lost my inner spark n get up n go

Scott_C · ‎09-08-2020

It’s rainy and gloomy today. Today is also my son’s birthday. On the outside I fake enthusiasm and joy but in my head I’m thinking this marks 9 years since my life has been turned upside down by a child. My child has ADHD, accidentally had a sugary drink earlier and is climbing the walls. shoot me.

I’ve had this strong though for a month and half already. Wished everyone in the world could suddenly forget me. Don’t get me wrong I love life and want to live but just wish everyone could leave me alone, I have nothing more of myself to give. I want to just disappear without anyone noticing or being sad. Head to a nice island with no one and fish and sail everyday.

That would be too easy would it not? well in this world I just stay, man up and hope everyday that it is enough.

tomorrow is a work day. Get up, get dressed, get going. Next day, repeat.

Don’t mind my rants please. I just need to let it out.

Scott_C · ‎09-08-2020

Hello CorinaM,

i happen to be in bed now at 6pm. Just worn out from the day. Kids are watching Telly. Honestly i could not be bothered what they are watching. Only know that they’re safe and I’ve for possibly 30 mins of peace before dad this And dad that.

sorry I’m not much help except to say that we’re in the same boat lol.
I too have lost myself after becoming a parent, no one told me it would be like that. I just hope that in my old age I would still have enough energy to finish all that I’ve deferred to be a parent.

when I was younger I used to wonder why old people liked to sit on a bench in a park and not do much. I found myself doing just that yesterday. Was a relief. You don’t have to do much, try to just get some mental down time.

sisu100 · ‎12-08-2020

Hi Scott,

Feel free to rant as much as you'd like, the forums are such a great way to release any pent up stress! Plus it seems like a lot of people are relating to your experiences and are going through something very similar.

I hope it didn't take too long to get your son settled down the other day, I can imagine the struggle!

Although it's not as good as an island, sitting at the park does sound lovely. Hope you're keeping well and are able to have some peace and quiet in between work and taking care of your kids.

Scott_C · ‎16-08-2020

Just wanted to let you know the hydro power tip works. I just drink lots and have had 2 days last week where I felt ok. But eventually it crept up on me again. Been living with this black dog for all my 41 years. Perfectionist Wife is going off the rails, expecting the home to look like a show house. Boys are fighting non stop. Really feel like walking away from this family sometimes.