I'm not too sure what to do

[Smiffy266]

Hello, my name's Shannon and I'm 15 years old. I've never really done anything like this before but I feel like I don't have many other choices. I haven't been feeling very good recently and I just don't have anyone else to talk to about this, neither of my parents have ever really been the sorts of people I could talk to about these issues, and I don't have any real close friend to talk about this either. Most of these feelings are mainly because of my brother, most of the time he's quite nice to me, but on some random days he just chooses to be incredibly mean to me for very minor reasons and I don't know why. I'm so unsure what I did wrong and I just feel really uneasy when I'm around him. He's been doing this for many years and everytime they're barely resolved, only either with the situation being ignored or with an ingenuine apology. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents without feeling like he'll only get angrier. I just don't know what to do, I don't know if any decision I make is actually the right one to do, or if it will only make the situation worse, I don't know if its actually all my fault and I just need to stop, I dont know if I even have any real issues or if I'm just overreacting and shouldn't be doing any of this at all. I always feel like all of my decisions and feelings are wrong and I'm just going to mess it up again. I just really need someone to talk to about this.

[Major_Tom]

Hello Shannon, sorry to hear you are feeling so down. The issue seems more that your brother has a problem. I am guessing he is older than you but still a teenager?Randomly mean sounds like you are the scapegoat for his moods. What might be going on in his life I wonder? Don't blame yourself as big brothers have often be known to be mean to their siblings, particularly those teenage years. It is good that you have made such a mature decision and reached out on a site like this. Happy to chat with you.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Smiffy266

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm sorry you're feeling down and that your brother is the source of your angst. I'm wondering if your brother is older or younger than you?

My eldest child is my son and I also have a daughter. They get on well most of the time but he has been known to pick on her at times. Mostly because he's older and thinks he knows better. Sometimes he gets frustrated with her and her friends' behaviour, as he thinks he's more mature. He's 18 months older!

What I'm trying to say is that issues between siblings are complicated and it's not uncommon to experience conflict. Having said that, if your brother's behaviour is affecting your health it's probably time to speak up.

You can try talking to him, if you feel comfortable doing so. I suggest you focus on how you feel and the changes you'd like to see happen. For example, when you yell at me to turn the tv off it really hurts my feelings. How about you just ask in a normal voice?

If you can't talk to him try mum and/or dad.

Happy to keep talking. Kind thoughts to you

[Smiffy266]

Yeah he is 17, finished high school some months ago, has recently gone through a car accident a few weeks ago and is currently sick, so maybe he's just stressed? I don't know, the most recent time he's done this was when he called for my name and when I went to his room I lightly shook my head for no real big or insulting reason, but then he swears at me just for doing that. Another time, before the car crash, I rolled my eyes over something he said as more of a joke which he then decides to violently hurt me. I don't know, he never seems angry or stressed before he does something like that. Could it really just be a big brother thing?

[Major_Tom]

Hi Smiffy , It is looking very much like a big brother thing. I am the eldest in my family and as a teen I too could be randomly mean to my siblings. Why?I really could not say but I certainly regret it. The pressures of growing into adulthood,may even be greater now than before. The pressure to find a job, fit in with society, measure up to your peers, the desire to look cool, get nice things, find a girlfriend , be treated as an adult and respected are all feelings that arrive in a short space of time. Some teens deal with it better than others. As I got through those years I became the good brother I wish I had always been. Everyone's story will be different, but don't beat yourself up over your brother's actions. If you have any questions of me, please ask. Chatting with a random stranger has actually help me more than once, so I would like to pass it on.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Smiffy266

Thanks for sharing more information. Swearing at you while he's sick could definitely be a big brother thing. We all tend to sometimes take things out on the people we love because we know they will forgive us. So if he's hurting he may be grumpy with you.

"Violently hurting you" is another story. Your brother is too old to be hurting you or any other woman. No man has the right to lay a hand on you and hurt you and it doesn't matter if he's your brother, boyfriend, father, grandfather or a stranger.

Is the violence why you say you feel "uneasy" around him? It wouldn't be an overreaction if that's the case.

I really think you should talk to mum or dad about the violence for two key reasons. One, to keep you safe in your home. Two, to ensure your brother learns to control his emotions and actions around women. He really needs to learn that now before he really hurts someone and if he behaves like that out in the world with a girlfriend or someone else he is potentially going to end up in a lot of trouble.

It could be that your brother is throwing his weight around as part of something he's going through developmentally but it needs to be stopped and corrected. How do you feel about talking to mum or dad?

[Smiffy266]

Thank you Major Tom and Summer Rose! I feel like I have a better idea about this situation and what I should do to help fix it, thanks for chatting with me about this.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Smiffy266

I'm so pleased! Good luck and post any time.

Kind thoughts to you